A life ruined

[Steve30]

It gets to me most days that here, now at 30 years old I look back and know my life has been ruined so far, all because of chronic anxiety.

If I never had it, I know I would be in such a better place with friends, a job and happiness in life. If I wasn't such an ambitious person, it wouldn't bother me, but because I am, when I miss out on so much, it allows the depression side of things to come in.

I think things have gone way too far to ever change because there's nothing left now.

A doctor recently gave me the whole list of things the nhs can offer me to help, but all seems too little, too late.

When my family were alive or when I had 1 friend left, it might have worked, but the battle is against me now. I will explain as best as possible.

In my life I have been through quite some things, both of my parents lived with serious diseases. I am an only child and there are no other family members. Both parents are now deceased.

My friends were never really the best people. They were all friendly when I had something they wanted, but when I didn't, they wouldn't bother with me. Eventually I stopped having anything they wanted and so they parted ways with me.

So now what is there?

Yes I have been given a list of all the services the nhs can offer to do with chronic anxiety, but how can any of it help?

It was hard enough seeing the doctor. I was shaking uncontrollably, I couldn't make eye contact, my mind kept going blank half way through what I was saying and I couldn't sit still.

Most of the things on the list the doctor wrote down involves appointments with mental health teams. It wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to go with, like a family member, but I dont. That makes it difficult because the depression side of it means I have no motivation and energy, and the chronic anxiety side of it means I really struggle in the appointments.

The other things are self help methods like meditation and exercise. The depression takes my energy away to do that though.


Does that even make sense?


Chronic anxiety and things out of my control have caused complete isolation, which then has caused depression.

I want to get better, but therapy wont bring my family back or get me friends. It will be a session of me being overly nervous, then coming back home to an empty house to spend another few days or week completely alone.

[Phuzella]

It's all up to you

[Lucinda07]

It doesn't matter if you shake, avoid eye contact & are agitated. Just go!!
You may FEEL its too late but it isnt. 30 is a good age to start again.
I have few relatives/friends & they are not particularly helpful. If you take up some of the treatments then you may meet people in a similar situation & become friends.
Depression saps energy - but its always possible to meditate, do gentle stretches
Don't give up. There are people on this site to chat to - maybe some live near you.
Yes, it would be nice to have someone to go with to appointments, but not many of us have that companion. Go to the next appointment & give it a try. We would all like to know how you get on & wish you well.
Take heart & good luck!

[SLA]

Hi Steve, thank you for sharing. That was a brave thing to do.

Do not make yourself feel worse by blaming yourself, or the things that have happened. Anyone in that situation would feel like you do. In fact, you have shown great strength in getting here, and coping (even though it doesnt feel like it) with everything.

I want to start by highlighting some things in your post.

such an ambitious person

I want to get better

That is good news! There is part of you deep down that wants to live a better life.

That is the part of you that you need to focus on, that burning desire that is deep down. Buried under all of the weight and burden of everything that has happened.

Do not let your past dictate your future.

When you've had such a difficult past, sometimes we accept that this is how life is, and we inadvertently create a difficult future with our mindset.

There is a fantastic book which is very easy to read called "Think Forward to Thrive"

Piece by piece, it teaches you how to gradually make small changes to how you think that will improve your life, and help you to thrive.

The other things are self help methods like meditation and exercise. The depression takes my energy away to do that though.

These things don't have to be that strenuous. A 10 minute walk. Or a 10 minute breathing mediatation is a simple way to get the ball rolling.

I can recommend the app Headspace as an introduction to meditation. You get 10 minute meditations, and I have found them very calming and relaxing.

At some point you have to look at your life and say..... "This isn't who I want to be anymore!!!"

I've done it twice in my life. Once in deep depression in 2008, and once in July this year after a separation with my wife. See Youtube channel for full story.


It may seem like a herculean task to turn it around. It is.

Break it down into tiny tiny pieces, and don't put pressure on yourself.

Pick 3 small things you can do each day that will improve your life. They can be tiny. Go for a 5 minute walk. Say hello to a stranger. Cook your favourite dinner.



Try and get into a routine every morning that sets you up for the day. Put on a piece of music that gets you pumping.

Start as soon as you feel ready. Change won't happen over night. A walk or a meditation won't cure you. But it will start chipping away at the years of stress, and anxiety. You can sculpt the life you want by making tiny tiny improvements every day.

[Bigboyuk]

Hi Steve Iam a sufferer of depression too so you aren't alone on this. Great advice from SLA reply, I have sent you a pm so I f you want to chat to me via pm then you are more than welcome cheers

[randomforeigner]

In my life I have been through quite some things, both of my parents lived with serious diseases. I am an only child and there are no other family members. Both parents are now deceased.

I can relate to that, it's not fun. I had two cousins /whom I didn't meet but once/ and they're dead too, one in his fifties, the other one through suicide at age 62. But they did live in another country, so I didn't have much of a relation. I found one on Facebook, but before I had been able to consider doing anything about it, he died suddenly.

Being without relatives is like floating off on a solitary bubble into universe, without roots, it's hard to understand for those who has relatives around (even if they don't see each other much). But when everybody is gone, that's quite something else.

I agree that it does sound a bit scary when you put it in those terms: "mental health teams". I've never met with one, managed to cope on my own throughout. Opted for the self help methods instead.

Have you ever considered joining a choir? Look for "Everybody Sing" type of choirs where there are many people and everybody is welcome. I think it might help, or rather, I've noticed it has helped me. It's a good way to meet with people. Since it's a big choir, nobody notices how you sing, or even if you mime to begin with.

[Waynemc73]

I'm living in isolation , no career, a job I hate , spend whole weekend alone, no love, no sex, not desired , just wanna die every single day-got no happiness or life-I don't what I done to derserve whats happening to me

[Bigboyuk]

I'm living in isolation , no career, a job I hate , spend whole weekend alone, no love, no sex, not desired , just wanna die every single day-got no happiness or life-I don't what I done to derserve whats happening to me

Hey you aint the only one Wayne! I have wanted to die for a long time, but there is always hope and light at the end tunnel but you have to try and make changes your self Itsa ike with me i have meet a friend on here ok we meet twice and I havent seen him for nearly 2 months it's hard, but we are still friends So don't sink in to despair any more look for the ladder to climb out my friend Good luck

[Scaredlady]

Hey Steve (and anyone else on the thread who is depressed).

Life is rarely easy and that's without having a debilitating illness on top but when all is said and done the only real source of motivation you need comes from yourself.

You need to want to live, you have to believe that living offers more (and it does) and most of all you have to accept that it is alright to fall down as long as you always remember to get back up again.

You're in a vicious cycle and it's a revolving door until you decide to take the leap of faith and step outside of the comfort zone. Your doctor suggesting a referral to the MHT and self help techniques is a start and at this point that's all you need, a start, a first chance to get over the most daunting of hurdles - the beginning to the end of your troubles.

I can't relate to how low you must feel about your family situation but I can imagine how painful it must be but would they want this for you, would they want you to waste the rest of your precious life on regrets and hurt?

They can't live but you can. All you have to commit yourself to right now and in the coming days is the effort of trying - You will lose nothing by trying but you'll lose a lot by not trying.

30 is no age these days, there is still so much that you could achieve. Your past life may have been "wasted" but don't let all that burdens you take away your future of opportunities.

It genuinely saddens me to hear/read people say they want to die (or words to that effect), you're giving up without ever knowing what is possible.

I get what you're saying about friends; I do have friends but sometimes I feel that they haven't been as supportive of me when I've been struggling with something, as I have when they've needed me.... But that aside, I haven't always had the same friends. I've had old friends who I've lost touch with, friends I met in new situations, friends of friends etc so while you may feel that you have no friends now that does not always have to be the case.

If you work on getting yourself sorted, bringing your depression etc under control you will 100% find a new perspective in life and with that will come confidence and with growing confidence will come the desire to get out and meet people.

In the meantime there are sincere people on this forum who have genuine empathy and compassion for others and you can feel free to contact us whenever you like. You can send me as many messages a day as you like, I promise I will make the time to respond; I have severe anxiety and I know what it's like to feel scared and alone, I would never want anyone else to feel that way, ever.

It may not be the same as being in the company of friends but at least you will be communicating and that is a start. Surely you have to start somewhere? But as my mum is always saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" - The steps you take at recovering have to come from you!

[NoraB]

I think things have gone way too far to ever change because there's nothing left now.

It's never too late to change, Steve and you're only 30! I'll swap you my 46 for your 30!

A doctor recently gave me the whole list of things the nhs can offer me to help, but all seems too little, too late.

How do you know if you don't try?

In my life I have been through quite some things, both of my parents lived with serious diseases. I am an only child and there are no other family members. Both parents are now deceased.

You've been dealt a tough hand, for sure, but you can still have a life and a happy one at that. The problem is that it won't come to you. You will have to put some effort in. I always say that none of us know what (or who) is around the corner. It's just that some of us have more challenges to overcome than others.

The thing with anxiety and depression is that we all desperately want to get better but we want the easy fix. We want somebody to wave a magic wand and suddenly we're better. It's us that make us better.

My friends were never really the best people. They were all friendly when I had something they wanted, but when I didn't, they wouldn't bother with me. Eventually I stopped having anything they wanted and so they parted ways with me.

By the sound of it you are well shot of those leeches.

Yes I have been given a list of all the services the nhs can offer to do with chronic anxiety, but how can any of it help?

How will you know if it helps or not of you don't try? I did CBT and it helped me. I did mine one to one over the phone because I'm a social idiot but if you can do group therapy, who knows where that could lead? Friends for instance?

It was hard enough seeing the doctor. I was shaking uncontrollably, I couldn't make eye contact, my mind kept going blank half way through what I was saying and I couldn't sit still.

That's how I am normally. That's why I write things down..

Most of the things on the list the doctor wrote down involves appointments with mental health teams. It wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to go with, like a family member, but I dont. That makes it difficult because the depression side of it means I have no motivation and energy, and the chronic anxiety side of it means I really struggle in the appointments.

Though we can't physically be there with you, I'm sure people on here will give you support and maybe that will give you some motivation?

It's not going to be easy but the road to recovery never is.

The other things are self help methods like meditation and exercise. The depression takes my energy away to do that though.

Do it no matter how bad you feel. Exercise will get those endorphins working and meditation really helps to focus the mind on things other than how crap you feel.

You need to change the 'I can't' to 'I'll try'. Even better, 'I can'.

All the best.