Well I got my letter today. It basically says my issue with social interaction is a choice! I'm livid.
She said I gave adequate eye contact and rapport (I stared at the wires in the back of the computer most of the time, I hate looking people in the eye, I also speak monotone when dealing with strangers) and wasn't anxious.
She also put that I'm able to take my daughter to school, go to Tesco for shopping alone and get the bus into town. This is true but she hasn't put that I find it very difficult, can't leave the house alone unless there is nobody in visible site, feel like crying every single time I go to the school and that I will only ever go to self serve in Tesco. Even when I do 'go shopping' it's to buy about 3 items. I never do a full shop as I feel crap carrying bags in public. On the (rare) occasion I do go into town alone, I have to be on my phone so I don't have to look at people.
I've even started walking across a muddy field to go to the school as I feel like all the cars are watching me walk-up the bank.
It also states that I informed them that I gave no problems if plans or appointments are cancelled or rearranged at last minute. This wasn't even brought up in the appointment and I do actually have an issue with change of plans as I'm sure my ex-therapist could attest to as I had a situation where I was 'dropped in it' 4 times and it was something that upset me quite a bit.
I can't even get my own bin in!! Our next door neighbour takes ours out on a morning and when my partner was still living here he brought them back in and now he isn't able, I just leave the bins for them to get in which is horrendous but I truly can't bring myself to go outside and bring the bins in.
I have seen my own relatives in town and purposefully walked the other way so I didn't have to speak to them. Not because I didn't want to, but because I get really nervous.
I have a really nervous stomach most days, leaving the house is dreadful. I will admit things are so much easier on dull days as I shove my hood up and feel hidden from the world.
My depression wasn't really brought up in letter and my BDD wasn't mentioned at all, even though I mentioned my difficulties with tying my hair up etc (it's been down, over my face every single day since I was 15).
I also can't speak to my partners parents. I won't visit as it makes me feel physically sick. That just shoes how anxious I am, we've been together 11 years and the last time I visited his parents was at least 5 years ago.
On Christmas day I feel sick to my stomach every single year without fail. This is only my close relatives too and there are a total of 10 people including me, my partner and daughter and yet it still feels horrendous. I can't socialise within groups even if I know all the people. The same applied years ago when I was working. Now things are so much more difficult. I can't even concentrate on the TV, even with programmes I enjoy my mind wanders
I feel like they've basically said I'm lazy and do not want to work or socialise and would be fully capable if I chose to.