my anxiety

[lisaya]

hi, wanted to post in the right category my full story. i try to keep it short.
since i can remember i have strong social anxiety. i think its because my father was very strict and i always had to pay attention to what i say and do. every time i'm near people i have the same thoughts. "watch what your doing" "don't make them think you are weird" "don't bother them". everybody here probably knows that but when you try to force that you act to the opposite of it
trying not to shake is what makes you shake. well yeah, i never had a boyfriend because i couldn't stay normal when they talk to me. the more interest they show in me the more nervous i get. the more i try to stay calm the more uncalm i get. i know its all in my head and i tried to fix it so often but it always just comes back. this weekend i went out with 2 friends (something i always decline first but always get convinced by my friends and then regret afterwards) we where in a club and of course only sat at the bar all the time because of me. i tried to put on a mask to seem chill and the first guy comes talking to me, i just start mumbling and shaking and after a while he says he has to go to the toilet but never returns. every time when something like this happens i feel so embarrassed and the rest of the night becomes even scarier. i always tell my friend that i don't want to go out and that its hell for me but they keep insisting saying that it will help me. while it never does, it only makes me feel worse. but i always give in because i fear that if i don't they start distancing themselves from me. i also don't want to start getting drunk just to relax but that's a topic for another story.
well yeah i guess there is not much else to say, average anxiety hell.
i hope talking to people here that can understand my situation will help because in my environment nobody really pays much attention to my problem and always assumes that its nothing strong.

[randomforeigner]

Couldn't it be that the guy who walks up to you, and then leaves never to return, is just someone with whom none of you have anything in common? If you go on a bus, and some passenger sits down next to you, only to get off at the next stop, that doesn't make you feel guilty about it, does it? Also: the guy did walk up to you and started a conversation. For some people even this happening is very rare, so you must be showing the right social signals in order for the guys to approach you in the first place. Anyway, it's great you're making an effort to overcome or handle your difficulties, because it's so easy to just give in.

[lisaya]

Couldn't it be that the guy who walks up to you, and then leaves never to return, is just someone with whom none of you have anything in common? If you go on a bus, and some passenger sits down next to you, only to get off at the next stop, that doesn't make you feel guilty about it, does it? Also: the guy did walk up to you and started a conversation. For some people even this happening is very rare, so you must be showing the right social signals in order for the guys to approach you in the first place. Anyway, it's great you're making an effort to overcome or handle your difficulties, because it's so easy to just give in.

maybe you are right, i just always though they must be drunk and when they come near me they realize how weird i am

[nikkinik]

Lol you have a point there, that would be my answer too.. Maybe he's drunk, maybe it's a dare from his mates..

I know there will be people out there who will have met their mate in a bar, I never have, I've only met a one night stand kind of guy, not that I've wanted one.. But you can tell, right? Anyway, I've not been to a bar for about 14 years! Social anxiety and all that, combined with feeling that within 30 seconds of being off the bus, no matter how nicely I've applied my make up, or how my new outfit looks, how acceptable I felt! I'll still see a gorgeous woman and I'll instantly feel poop about myself.. Not the feelings I want from a night out, so I just avoid it..

Anywho, take it as practice. Don't think of it like they're disinterested and have ditched you/made excuses to leave, just take it as 'yeah, thanks for the chat..' Just practice

I always mumble, people tell me I do all the time, I think it's my way of speaking quietly because I know I'll say something stupid.. But now I have a kind of mental block too, like nothing at all to say will come to mind, and if anything does I will try and pick through what I'll say aloud just to try and make sure it's not stupid.. Then the moment passes and people move on.. Or I'll just decide I'll keep quiet to save looking stupid.. Then I get the look of either a) you're boring or b) you're weird!

What a life we live! Lol

[randomforeigner]

... when they come near me they realize how weird i am

Moste people are too occupied with themselves to even think twice about your possible weirdness. I once saw on TV an American who had tattooed himself into looking like a cat, whiskers and all, entirely covered also in the face. There are degrees to being weird. You're probably more like me, thus pretty commonplace and ordinary.

[lisaya]

Moste people are too occupied with themselves to even think twice about your possible weirdness. I once saw on TV an American who had tattooed himself into looking like a cat, whiskers and all, entirely covered also in the face. There are degrees to being weird. You're probably more like me, thus pretty commonplace and ordinary.

haha if you see it from that point yeah i'm pretty normal
sadly not everybody sees it from that point. and if they do, what about the poor catpeople that will be looked as weird :P

[randomforeigner]

But they chose it deliberately, they want to be different from everyone else.