Overly aware of my own thoughts/thoughts about the anxiety.

[LiveAboveIt]

Hello everyone,

I've been doing much better for awhile now. The only issue that seems to be resurfacing that I never dealt with, is this weird over-awareness of my thoughts/thoughts about the anxiety. It causes severe panic and stress and I'm not sure why. Once the thoughts about the anxiety, or the fear of the anxiety enters my head, I begin to panic that it's all I will be able to think about. I can watch my mind trying to decipher or find a solution to this, which just prompts even more anxiety because I can't seem to control it.

This all seems to just snowball into the idea that I can't control my thoughts and I will spend the rest of my life thinking about my anxiety and feeling like I'm stuck in some weird thought purgatory.. Regardless, it all comes down to being over aware of my thought process and the fact that I am thinking.. I've read that this is sort of an anxiety/OCD trait, mindfulness hijacked?

Has anyone else suffered with this? What are some methods or forms of therapy that I can use to conquer this issue? I get into arguments in my head about it, because I've been told that the more you fight/fear a thought, the more frequently and intensely it will come.. But I've also been told that you can thought stop and all that.. I just don't know what the right answer is and I'm just stuck in an endless loop.

[randomforeigner]

I'm not sure I follow but is it that you're sort of trying to constantly problem-solve your way out of anxiety, and then it (anxiety) hits you, and you try to think of it even more, how to get out of it? To the point you can't concentrate on ordinary mundane things?

[LiveAboveIt]

Pretty much, except none of it is voluntary. Its like I cant stop thinking about the anxiety and I cant keep it from popping into my head and then I start to panic that I wont ever be able to not think about it and that I will always be constantly fixated on it.

In simpler terms, it feels like I cant get the anxiety off of my mind. I have a difficult time controlling my thoughts when in fight or flight. It feels like Im stuck ruminating and thinking about it, no matter how hard I try to distract myself.

[LiveAboveIt]

A better way to describe it would probably be that I'm just stuck in this constant over-awareness of how I feel and what I'm thinking. It's like I'm stuck monitoring everything and I can't seem to distract away from it which leaves my thoughts feeling strange and I just feel on egde/stressed out. Can't seem to just relax and "live in the present." The thoughts/monitoring just continue.

Is this normal for anxiety and such? Anyone else felt this way or been stuck in a sort of meta-cognition?