New pet anxiety

[worried 101]

Hi there.
My husband is desperate to get a dog and he has seen one that he loves and we have arranged to see it tomorrow. I really like dogs but really scared of the change in dynamics it could bring. My husband says he would be the main one to look after him to take the pressure off me and thinks it would be a really positive for us and to help me prover my anxiety dosent have to stop me from doing things I want to do. About 6 months ago we nearly got a dog, put down a deposit and everything and then I totally freaked out and couldn't go through with it. In hindsight I think it may have been the circumstances around the actual dog that really put me off but it really knocked my confidence in my ability to deal with new things. I think my problem is I absolutely hate change and it makes me really anxious but my husband feels that we won't ever progress any further like having children etc if we don't make any changes and challenge my anxiety.
Part of me feels excited about b the prospect of a puppy but the other part is terrified and just going no no can't do it as the anxious feelings are getting more prevalent.
Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this sort of anxiety and knows any way to deal with it?
Thankyou in advance.

[SLA]

You don't want your anxiety to hold you back do you?

If you hate change, then you are in trouble, as life is all about change!

So this is a pretty good opportunity to take on a bit of anxiety, and to manage it.

I would take it head on, and try and enjoy the process as much as possible. Its an opportunity to learn.

[Nina102]

I can relate since I've been through something similar myself back in high school.

I've always hated change. Even something simple as changing furniture would send me into depression. It always took so long to get over.

Anyways, when I was in high school two of my best friends both got puppies, making me want one as well. When my parents finally caved and I got the cutest little black lab puppy ever, I got really depressed after a few days. Actually the day after I got him, I noticed how horrible I felt. Weird since puppies are suppose to make you incredibly happy.

It really changed the atmosphere in my home and while I loved the little guy, every day I got more and more depressed. So me and my mother decided to find him a better home, which we did. After only a week of having him, we gave him to a family that recently lost their dog to old age (which was a black lab as well). They also had young kids and lived on a farm, so I'm sure he was very, very happy.

The thing is, if you already feel anxious about it then changes are it's going to take awhile to get use to. I'm sure if I kept that black lab, after about a month I probably would have adapted to the change.

Dogs or pets in general can actually make depression better in the long run, so it's up to you to make that commitment.

[lotusblossom]

I have had dogs for the last 21 years but had said to my partner that when our Megan had gone I didn't want another as I didn't think I would be able to cope again with a pup and all that it means house training chewing just generally like having a baby again in the house. We then had to let our Megan go as she had bone cancer in her leg joint it was awful to say goodbye but I was still of the same mind that I didn't want another. Needless to say as far as my partner was concerned he wanted and got another a german shepherd pup I admit that I really struggled at first to bond with this beautiful fluffy pup and there were times my anxiety was on high alert he was mischievous and would pick up the remote for the telly and run off with it and my shoes slippers packs of tissues cushions etc anything that wasn't screwed down. But as time went on this little boy stole my heart and now he is 2 years old and it was the best thing we could have done he is my friend my protector he is loving and loyal and I wouldn't change it for the world was it hard at first yes indeed it was very hard but nothing is easy in this world

[worried 101]

Thankyou so much for your replies it really helps to have other people's support especially when it comes from those who I know will sympathise with anxiety issues!
There is this excited part of me that sees the positives of getting a dog, having another family member and taking him for walks (we love to go for walks on the moors as a family) and generally having anot her furry friend in the household but then the overwhelming anxiety kicks in and I picture all the things that could go wrong and if I could stand the anxiety and upset if it did go wrong.
I'm also concerned that my cat would not get on with him. My husband isn't to worried as he has had lots of cats and dogs live together when he was young with no trouble once they got used to each other but our cats a little oddball and I worry it could stress him out and that he won't get used to him. I would hate for him to feel replaced even though he's not really a people cat and likes his own company more!
I think if I did manage this I would be so proud of myself and would be a huge step to conquering my anxiety and fear of change. Feel quite positive at the moment but know it could all change by tomorrow!
Lotus blossom I love German Shepherds! We had several growing up as kids. Beautiful animals, im really glad you bonded with your new one in the end.xx

[MyNameIsTerry]

Have a look at this thread and the 2 links I posted in there. These will take you to threads with loads of us talking about this situation.

You will see how others have had the same worries as you but after a transitional period or adjustment, which meant more anxiety, they got over it and now have a pet they love to bits.

I was the same, but when you wait and put up with the anxiety you will see it fade as the love for your pet takes over.

[Annie0904]

I was the same 3 years ago with a new kitten. As soon as i got him home my anxiety went sky high and I asked my daughter to come and take him. She had him for 2 weeks then brought him back to me. I have to admit I was anxious for a few weeks but now I can't imagine life without him. He is the best therapy ever for me and he is the one who knows when I need a hug and he follows me to every room in the house. I have no regrets at all about keeping him and love him to bits.

[Lissa101]

I started volunteering at the local dog shelter as a walker when I was becoming agoraphobic and needed something to get me out of the house but with minimal human contact. I ended up adopting a dog that was going to be put down because no-one wanted him. It was obvious that he just had severe anxiety and I knew what he was going through; I just felt so bad that he could lose his life over this condition.

I won't lie - it was like a tornado hit when he first arrived. He had behaviour problems, needed training and was a constant source of worry and pressure. I remember bursting into tears one time after he had stolen someones handbag in the park, ran off with it and ripped it apart to get the sandwich inside. This was one of many, many misdemeanors!

However, I cannot emphasise enough the positive role he played in my recovery. He forced me to get outside and face the world on days where otherwise I would have stayed in bed. He made me laugh for the first time in months. He brought me back in touch with nature and through him I made many friends with other dog owners at a time when talking to people terrified me. I can safely say he did more for me than docs, meds and therapy put together. It was completely transformative.

It will be really hard to adjust to the new dog but it does also present a wonderful opportunity for change. And please post a picture of the dog if you decide to go ahead

[.Poppy.]

I grew up with dogs that were "mine" and I was totally responsible for. Every single time I'd be excited, then bring the pup home and the anxiety would hit.

It was really, really bad with my youngest dog, Chisum. He had a lot of anxiety/behavioral issues even at 8 weeks old that are totally abnormal for most dogs, so he was a LOT harder to adjust to and I was already going through a tough time.

He's two now; I think it took about a year but honestly I don't think I could love him more. He still has piles upon piles of issues but he's my little guy and I can't imagine life without him.

My parents recently got two dogs for their farm, and as I'm living at home now I thought I'd be anxious. I wasn't. Turns out when I'm not the one responsible for their futures it takes a lot of the pressure off!

I think you should absolutely challenge your anxiety. Just take it day by day. You'll get there. Any chance you could go to obedience classes with the new dog? I found that helps a LOT.

[lotusblossom]

Hi yes I agree with poppy, we have joined a German Shepherd club so we can train him in obedience. We and the dog really enjoy it and have made some good friends. Its also a way of socialising and making me feel part of the world again and for those few hours my anxiety never gets a look in