In a depressive slump that's really getting me down

[.Poppy.]

I will try to keep this as concise as possible. I am about to graduate from university with my second degree in about a month. I was frantically job searching and finally accepted a position at my college in the research office. My (twin) brother is about to get married. About half of my friends are in serious relationships; one of them is engaged herself. I'm currently still living at home with my parents.

BUT, I am a mess. I don't know if it's anxiety or depression or both but I am a disaster and I feel like I just don't want to "do" life anymore, if that makes sense.

- The job I took paid on the upper end of what I found I was qualified for, but I don't know if there's much room for advancement. I don't know if the job will be something I'm good at. I don't know if I'll like working for my college.

- I am seriously afraid that I am going to just always be alone. I'm afraid all my friends are going to leave town and move away and it will be just me. I have really low self esteem which makes it hard for me to put myself out there relationship-wise.

- I fear my parents are getting older and that they are going to pass away and I don't know how I'd handle that.

- I can't find anywhere to rent, so I may have to remain at home for a bit. That's fine because I'd rather wait for a decent place (more places are available in the summer) and I'm thinking it would be nice to have some familiarity while I'm adjusting to my new position. Still, I was looking forward to being closer to my friends.

- I'm stressed about finishing out the semester and graduating.

- I feel like I am totally unprepared to "adult".

- I have to leave my current student position and I totally don't want to. I love my job now and the people I work with and leaving it behind seems really sad to me.

- Overall, I'm just really bummed and overwhelmed and exhausted. I'm still on meds but am debating going back to therapy for the transition but idk if that's lame or not.

Any words of support?

[Phuzella]

Maybe the fact that it's winter is making you feel worse? I find winter very depressing

[.Poppy.]

The extra darkness doesn't help, but it really hasn't been terribly cold here. It's probably just a perfect storm of stuff coming together, honestly.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think you need to give yourself a break, Poppy, you are trying plenty of things to get on in life with 2 degrees, having these jobs, etc. Many students study and party then graduate and don't have any direction anyway but you are doing more than that.

You won't ever be prepared to be an adult, it's a misperception that some people even think they. I'm 40 now so I've had various types of experience to mature me but if I said I was prepared to be a dad (a hypothetical scenario) every parent's eyebrows would raise and quite rightly too. You will always be learning about life at each of it's stages, that's normal and how it is for everyone.

You don't need to compare yourself to anyone and as you mature you will find your attitude becomes more accepting of this. Those chasing fame, wealth & status tend to never learn this lesson as they are too superficial , materialistic but that's not the type of person you are so I'm believe you will mature in your attitude towards comparison to others.

So much pressure today is on people to tick boxes, to reach milestones, but it has been like that in civilisation for a very long time and now many of us have more freedom to take our time and decide our own destiny.

[randomforeigner]

I've had all of those too! Except I had moved away from home! This was in the late 1990's ... I think most people have those thoughts exactly when they're where you are now in life. Just take one week at a time. Also congratulations to landing that job! This must feel great. Anyway, it's not like it is a lifetime position... you can still be on the look out for better and more challenging positions elsewhere, but you are not obliged to job-hunt frantically, and that is good.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I've had all of those too! Except I had moved away from home! This was in the late 1990's ... I think most people have those thoughts exactly when they're where you are now in life. Just take one week at a time. Also congratulations to landing that job! This must feel great. Anyway, it's not like it is a lifetime position... you can still be on the look out for better and more challenging positions elsewhere, but you are not obliged to job-hunt frantically, and that is good.

Yeah, and you hit your thirties as well and start thinking about where your life is going. I remember those years!

[KeeKee]

Yeah, and you hit your thirties as well and start thinking about where your life is going. I remember those years!

Oh God I'm dreading turning 30 in some ways. I already feel like an old hag at 28!

Poppy I too don't feel prepared to be 'adult'. It's hard, stressful and daunting but you will just manage.

I remember as a child listening to my parents talk about bills etc and I was very confused and remember thinking how will I ever cope with all that when I'm older. In fact though, it's very easy to cope with bills etc (excluding financial difficulties but the process is easy as pie).

You will manage somehow.

It's not lame to go back into therapy. It may help you "transition" as you've suggested. Good luck. You have done well to get degrees etc that already puts you ahead of many others in the job market in case the job you've got doesn't suit you.

[.Poppy.]

Thanks for all the extra words of support! It really does help me feel better Particularly as I'm feeling kind of crummy today.

I've found I don't have to start my new job until January 3rd, which is nice as I'll get a couple of weeks of break to just breathe after all this stressful stuff is over. That will be wonderful. I think I'll devote one day to pigging out in bed with Netfilx.

I do think I am going to look into therapy, at least for a little bit. It has helped me some in the past and maybe it will be helpful in the future.

I'm not having any luck finding a place to live, so I might live at home until the summer when students are moving out and there are more rental options available. This might benefit me too as I can have some extra time to transition into the job without also having to deal with moving.