17 cities in 45 days = agoraphobia hell

[panicface]

I'm in my early 40's, have always loved to travel (46 countries and counting) - but I've stayed at home most of the last 8yr.. (just two trips a year).

Recently got a bug up my arse to take a big trip.. I did: MNL - BKK - FRA - DUS - BAR- IBZ - VEN - FLO - MONT - ROM - ATH - SANTORINI - IOS - CAI - LUX - BKK - MNL (with a few small cities inbetween).. Took me about 2 months.. Sounds like a great trip - right?

Wrong.

About 3 weeks into the trip I started having mini-panic attacks. Like:

Walking up a staircase, going through a tunnel, going up a hill, flying on a plane, or going to the next 'more remote' destination.

It climaxed with me on a greek island at 2am FREAKING the hell out - full blown panic attack, crying, palpitations every few seconds, fast heart etc.. I took a xanax and called a Skype Dr. and he advised i just need to go home as soon as possible.. okay. I was ready since I was having on average 2 panic attacks every day.

I've been home about 6 weeks now, and I'm still having full blown panic attacks daily. But always between 12 - 4am.. I've been to the ER 6x.

Finally figured it out (tonight)

When we go up stairs, up a hill, through a tunnel there's a mid-point where we're trapped, we can't easily (or quickly) go back - but the to get to other side is still far away - how many more stairs? what's on the other side? It's a fear of 1) uknown 2) being trapped and no easy access to help.

Same with a plane - once that door is shut baby - you're on your own for the next 9hr etc.

Going to a far away island with not hospital in middle of sea that takes 8hr to get to by ferry? Super duper trapped.. and screwed..

...

So why the panic attacks at home? Between 12 - 4am?

Because this is the time of day that is most like being on a greek island - everyone is asleep, there's no help easily available, no friends to chat with, it would be a big deal to go to ER at 3am, all alone etc...

I never realized that agoraphobia was also this type of behavior - when i was 15 i had fear of crowds, grocery stores etc (visual over-stimulation etc)..

Anyway - just throwing this out there, in case anyone else every stumbles across this or has similar issues. My plan is to stay awake all day (i sleep 14hr a day) so i sleep at night, and maybe take xanax before bed... until it magically goes away...

Future trips will be short ones with limited destinations..

[panicface]

Just wanted to update this thread in case it ever might help someone else out.

I went a full month taking Xanax (0.25) 1 to 3x a day. It was sort of hell on earth as I was always asleep. Gained 10lbs. However it stopped the panic attacks.

Now trying to come of Xanax - 4th day tapering to just one dose of 0.25mg and getting awful headaches and flu symptoms..

I guess if I could go back and time - I'd tell myself to deal with the panic as best I could with only a single dose of 0.25 and only when i absolutely needed to have it.. Withdrawl symptoms are no fun at all.

Overall panic has lessened - Still sometimes feel like I'm going blind - even though can see fine... Just take a nap for a few hours and it's gone.

Good luck.

[Catherine09912]

Im so glad to see that you have a game plan. I think its incredibly important to know what your next step/goal can be. Let us know how you do