Lifelong member of the HA Club
Hello all-
Finally registered for one of these forums...it's gotten that bad. Been a lurker (guest) in the past but figured I would take the plunge.
I've had HA my whole life. Starting as a ten year old with "throat closing up" sensations. Then again at about twelve. Next up was "not being able to take deep breaths" in high school and again in college. Each time this event is triggered by something and the genie is let out of the bottle. Visits to the dr with nothing found wrong. It takes about two months for me to get out of the anxiety state. Feeling like I'm never going to get better, feel normal again, etc. Unable to enjoy life and then depressed.
Happened again in my mid twenties, had a stomach bug, went to the ER, they prescribed a anti-nausea drug which causes anxiety. Genie out. No specific physical ailment this time but a couple months of anxiety and depression. At this point, my mom (who is a nurse) suggested I ask my pcp for a referral to mental health. Observing me for over twenty years, she thought I needed help and medication. I started seeing a psychiatrist, took stress relief classes, and went on antidepressants. They helped.
Got married, had a baby and severe post-partum depression. Back on meds. Had another baby and life was okay. The anxiety inevitably returned. This time I felt like my heart was "weak". Started going to the gym, drinking red wine, taking aspirin, and of course went to my pcp. They said I was fine. I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack any day. (Recently a friend of a friend had died of a massive heart attack. coincidence?)
Next my mother in law was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and eventually passed away. By this time I was in my mid thirties. Shortly after, I started feeling "something" in my throat. Went to pcp, ENT, and eventually a gastro who did the procedure where they put a tube down my throat. Everyone said I was fine. Marriage ended at this point.
Couple years later it was tingling and aching extremities. Had MRI, saw neurologist, nothing found wrong. Shortly after this I started dating and found a new partner (who I am still with)
Few years after that I had a MS scare (at the time I worked with someone with MS who was not doing well). Tingling, headaches, aching limbs, etc. Had another MRI, back to the neurologist, nerve conduction tests, etc. He diagnosed "Post-Viral Syndrome" or "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome". This scare ruined my life for a good 2-3 months. I was miserable and scared. Visited another forum "AZ" often. Started taking lots of meds...klonipin, zoloft, pamelor.
Started feeling better and eventually weaned myself off all meds. Last year a colleague started showing slurring words. Having HA, I immediately feared the worst for her. I watched her decline over the past nine months. Two weeks ago she announced the has ALS and left the job. I couldnt stop thinking about it. How she was going to deal with this. Then I started feeling like my arm was weak, my thumb cramped, dexterity in left hand failing... and the Genie was out yet again. So I have been miserable for the past two weeks. I am on meds, going to a therapist and psychiatrist, and visited the neurologist again. He did strength tests and said I was fine but will do Nerve conduction tests just to be sure. So I'm deep in the midst of the struggle again.
I can see my pattern but my logical mind seems to be losing this battle day by day. So here I am.
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Originally Posted by Alio
