Depressed and scared

[cricket12]

Hello in early October I made a mistake at work. I didn't realise what I had done until a month or so later. Any way I was not pulled up on it and I had got away with it. Anyway all of a sudden it has hit me very personally and I feel very ashamed and depressed. I must say nobody was hurt or anything I just followed the wrong procedure. I am off sick at the moment feeling extremely low and have been put on medication. I cant say anything to work as I will be heavily disciplined or sacked. Christmas is coming and my daughter gets married in a week or so and have to put a brave face on my difficulties. I just don't know how to get through this . I have learnt from my mistake but just cant put it behind me. I am scared they will find out and sack me.

[Lucinda07]

We have all made mistakes at work. Sometimes its because of poor or zero training. Other times too many responsibilities, pressures too few staff.
You've learned from your error - so let it be. As you say nobody died & nothing terrible can or will happen. 2 months have gone by, I believe you are ok. Dont confess, just carry on as usual. If anything did arise, you could always say that it was so long ago you can't recall the incident.No doubt colleagues have made similar mistakes & remember managers make mistakes all the time, but just cover their tracks! Why should you take the rap?! I've worried myself crazy over workplace errors - not worth it. Try not to give it too much time or energy. Have you been able to tell your partner about this?

---------- Post added at 22:48 ---------- Previous post was at 22:36 ----------

I have just read some of your previous posts.
In my view, you have lost confidence in your abilities & are being far too hard on yourself.
In the unlikely event that something did not go perfectly at work, I'm sure your union would assist.

[mezzaninedoor]

[/COLOR]I have just read some of your previous posts.
In my view, you have lost confidence in your abilities & are being far too hard on yourself.
In the unlikely event that something did not go perfectly at work, I'm sure your union would assist.

I think one thing we do need to guard against, is our self critic, your self critic is giving you a hard time and I think you obviously have a healthy sense of morality which means the self critic is not getting short shift from you.
You need to give yourself a break and treat yourself well, do you have a Talking Therapist that you could talk this through with and reduce the size of the issue to something tolerable.

[cricket12]

Thank you for your replies. Yes my wife does know about this and has been really supportive. I have had no therapy as of yet. I just feel really depressed about it. I just wish I could move on but I am off sick at the moment and feel like I am on a slippery slope downwards that I cant stop. I also hate the selfishness of my behaviour and worry I am going to make Christmas and my daughters wedding a miserable affair.

[randomforeigner]

You have to put it behind you. Maybe it's a good idea to move on and get another job too, the shadow of whatever that mistake was will loom over you always if you stay. If it was something dishonest - such as working at a church as the accountant and fiddling out a million or so to your own bank account, as one sometimes does read about in the papers- it's probably better to come clear and face up to it now, whatever the consequences, rather than being found out somewhat later, plus the moral side of the story like old-fashioned people like myself do find important. I find it hard to imagine what mistake could be so big that it's worth fretting about. Unless you're for instance a police officer, and forgot your weapon in the loo, that has happened to someone in the past, I read about it in the papers, that was regarded as pretty severe. But, whatever happens, there are always other opportunities elsewhere but maybe not in the same profession. Or if you forgot to test the O-ring on "Challenger" as some people actually made the mistake of not doing. Instead of going about feeling like you're on a slippery slope, you might start to think about other things you could do. The world is actually full of opportunities, although it sometimes doesn't look like that. It might not be your old job, perhaps, and might include having to downsize re. living standard, but it might be time for a change anyway.