Fear of Being Drugged (OCD/Anxiety/Panic Attack)

[camillie]

Hey everybody, I've developed this intense fear of people putting drugs in my food or drinks, as well as just being overall paranoid about what goes into my body and how I will be affected by things.

It started in February 2016 when I all of a sudden felt high--disoriented and vision changes.. I just didn't feel "right." It didn't go away so I sought the advice of different specialists including two ENTs, GP, PT, and two neurologists, none of which could figure out what was causing me to feel disoriented and "high." It's a constant thing, too. I sometimes have periods where I feel worse than usual, and some where I can tolerate going out to do groceries and such. I'm 22 and live with my significant other; he spends every second he can with me and takes care of me very well through all of this, but I'm tired of being a burden in that we can't go out and do fun things, eat at restaurants, travel, or do much of anything unless I'm having a "good" day.

This is the 10th or so month of not feeling "normal," and over the past few months I developed this intense fear of eating anything I have not prepared myself, and even when I do prepare things myself I can still sometimes be paranoid about ingredients I have used. For example, I no longer use mushrooms when I cook because I am afraid of somehow experiencing the effect of shrooms or that there will be some sort of contamination. I couldn't even bring myself to eat the foods prepared by my drug and alcohol-free family and extended family during our New Year's dinner together. My partner and I are staying with my family for a few weeks for the holidays and they rarely prepare food themselves--usually buy pre-prepared dishes or order some kind of take out, so I'm struggling even more than usual.

I've had a few cases where I have what I believe to be a panic attack and my heart starts racing and I feel disoriented.

My best case scenario right now is having minimal OCD symptoms. Usually I have compulsions and obsessions where I must wait an hour after others eat to convince myself that the food is "safe." I cannot eat from "community" servings such as someone bringing cupcakes or donuts to share (even if it's from a chain like Dunkin' Donuts.) I actually have an especially difficult time eating sweets, likely due to both an excrutiating experience with a weed brownie as well as roommates almost feeding me strong weed cookies (saved by my partner who stopped them at the last second). My partner usually has to tell me "it's safe" or "everything will be okay" or else my thoughts get worse and worse.

I understand 130% how irrational my thoughts are, but I am having an invreasingly difficult time overcoming my fears, compulsions, and paranoias.

My hopes for this thread are to just connect with others who experience this, and serve as pen pals/support sources for one another, exchanging tips and sharing experiences with people who understand exactly what it's like to go through this.

[Sam Winter]

Ahoy there x.
Everytime I eat something I worry how much its poisoning me(in the sense of sugar, sat fat ect) I have to carefully monitor how much I'm in-taking so I don't get diabetes or a heart attack ect(fun enough dealing with a choking phobia ). and these past two weeks I've had quite a bit of sugar(like some days two hot chocolates a day ect) and I'm now convinced I already have diabetes and that I'm going to die but I'm trying to to remain positive and i'm getting back on the healthy wagon tomorrow if its not too late.
the drug fear is interesting because I've only just recently developed it, I've never eaten out since I was about 13 because I don't trust others with food(food poisoning and whatnot) I've only had coffees/hot chocolates from cafes and maybe some cake from that point on but that's about it. however my friend had a news year party and I ended up tagging along, if you ask them they will tell you I never let my drink go once, I had to put it down briefly to cut something up and even though it was a few inches away from me guess what, I made myself a new one, all night I wouldn't accept drinks people gave me(not even them!) which resulted in them thinking I didn't trust them(oops!) I only usually have it around my drinks and food if i'm at a party or there's quite a few people around ect. but I get where you're coming from, it can be really frustrating x

[camillie]

I was the same way when I was the director of a physical therapy clinic--had my own desk, own workspace, but still had to draw unique symbols on my water bottle caps and have them sit a particular way if I ever walked away. I even tossed a bottle out when I was in the office ALONE with all the doors locked!

Some friends of mine want to go to a few "foodie" hotspots during vacation so I'm hoping I can get some extra willpower by then.. freshly made caramel candies sound fantastic

[GadGirl]

I am the same sometimes it dies down for a while other times its quite horrendous. I used to work in a nightclub behind the bar and would take about 8 bottles of water into work because i know if i left a bottle out of sight for more than 5 minutes, I would get thoughts that one of my work mates might have put something in it, or that it had got alcohol or something else in it

[ultracry]

Well I dont know if this post is too outdated or not, but everything you wrote in your OG post is everything that I'm experiencing right now. It's really worrisome, and I can't tell if it's a paranoia or a phobia or a part of OCD or just high anxiety. I do have a big fear of being high (I have done drugs in the past, mostly only weed). This fear of my food being drugged is commonly paired with my dissociation and panic, and is usually what causes these things to happen.

I've never experienced anything like this before in my life, It all started after I experienced my first panic attack/dissociation. I felt so detatched and unreal from my surroundings that it felt as if I was high, and so I just started thinking and fearing about the possibility that I could have been drugged (although i know i wasnt and I know it's completely irrational). I am even scared that my boyfriend could drug my food, which I know so deeply that he would never do that in a million years, and yet I take precautions for him to not cook me food or touch my food etc.

I'm really not sure how to overcome this fear, I wish I knew exactly what it was in the first place; I.e. if its paranoia, phobia, or what.