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Thread: Life seems so brutal

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
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    Life seems so brutal

    All I want to do is run away. I'm so unhappy. I'm really trying as well. My therapist told me I need to say no more in order to gain self respect and so that people don't just assume that I'll do all the running all the time. It's making me very anxious which I expected but I'm riddled with guilt etc and then I try and gain a bit of perspective and almost feel bitter towards people like I'm waiting for them to comment on my slight change and it makes me think if all the times I turn a blind eye to things they have done, how they've let me down, how I'm used etc but how I play the naive to thus because I genuinely see the best in people and if I'm not willing to say anything in those moments then how are they supposed to know. I just am petrified that I'll get rejected for trying to save myself and my future by becoming more assertive. It doesn't help that where sometimes I wish I could seek advice from others there is no point because I end up glorifying those in question because I am not one to speak negatively of others, so Even if this were to produce some conflict I can guarantee that I'll look bad because I won't want to bore anyone with my issues or defend myself so I feel like I'm sitting waiting for something terrible to come of this! Money is seriously troubling me. I'm so scarred by my anxieties influence on my ability to work so right now I am earning nothing and everything I spend which is quite a lot is from my savings. This is because I would literally be house bound if I cut off any spending and I cannot look vulnerable and tell the truth and I must keep up appearances. I don't want to be the person that can't do anything due to money and I can't pick and choose who I spend it on because I need to equally spread this out. I would never let someone pay for me and that I'm fine with but I do find I spend a fair bit on people who are earning a fair amount of money themselves! I can't breathe, I just feel so trapped I want to isolate myself but I can't dare let people down. I am pushing myself at the moment to better myself but it feels horrendous. I also can't invite people to mine much because I feel so much responsibility to entertain that I hate it and genuinely people never stay long before they leave as I live in the middle of the countryside so I do all the travelling (I get this is my fault but it is obvious how people get at mine)

  2. #2
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    Apr 2013
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    I honestly don't know what to suggest, but I entirely agree with your therapist that you need to be more assertive.

    I find very difficult to say no, I do things I don't want to do and believe it is turning me bitter. I feel like a doormat. I've been like this for years but am starting to say no to some things although I'm asked "Why?" which annoys the life out of me. I also feel guilt but you have to live the life you want to live, not being dictated by others requests. That will be a big factor in why you are so low I bet.

    I also can't leave the house without spending anything, otherwise what is the point in going out. I'm not the kind of person who enjoys walks etc so I need a purpose to go out. What I do, is just pop to the local supermarket or something and buy my shopping for that day rather than a full shop and it gets me out the house for a little while.

    As for spending on others, that is really your choice. Nobody can force you either way. If you don't have much money just say you already have plans or something so they don't know you're skint.

  3. #3
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    Stop caring so much about what others think. Stop caring so much about what you think. You are lost in your own mind, and you have lost touch with reality.

    Get proper professional help. See a Doctor, review if your medication is helping or making it worse. Review every aspect of your life.

    You need to let go of all of the bullshit going on in your head. It's not constructive.

    The subconscious thoughts you are having are controlling your life, and you have become desperately lost.
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  4. #4
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    Nov 2014
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    Thanks so much for your responses. I am in complete agreement that I am desperately lost in my mind but I have been for over ten years and have had constant therapy and medication (a few changes a long the way) including hypnotherapy, CbT, EMDR, etc so I feel I have done everything I can do to try and help myself

  5. #5
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    Those are all external things though.

    Is there anything you could do to break this cycle, or at least intervene?
    __________________
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  6. #6
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    Nov 2014
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    Well I'm trying too now by changing my behaviour which is the hardest part but hopefully I'll see it's not that scary. I'm just petrified of how people will perceive this. I just realise I can't keep making everyone else happy for myself to feel terrible but by being more stand offish I feel I look uncaring insensitive self indulgent etc

  7. #7
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    Would it be possible for your therapist to help you become more assertive without you feeling 'stand offish'?, I get what you mean about that as I believe that's how I can came across now because I really don't know how to respond or act around others anymore. There should be some kind of social skills therapy for those of us who have lost our ability to socialise.

    You will find a way eventually, "hopefully I'll see it's not that scary" is a really good way to look at it.

  8. #8
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    Dec 2015
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    Quote Originally Posted by SLA View Post
    Those are all external things though.

    Is there anything you could do to break this cycle, or at least intervene?
    Sorry to hijack this thread but I've just subscribed to your YouTube channel - it's fantastic, thank you!

  9. #9
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    Oct 2013
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    Re: Life seems so brutal

    What channel is that? I would like to see it. Thank you.

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