All I want to do is run away. I'm so unhappy. I'm really trying as well. My therapist told me I need to say no more in order to gain self respect and so that people don't just assume that I'll do all the running all the time. It's making me very anxious which I expected but I'm riddled with guilt etc and then I try and gain a bit of perspective and almost feel bitter towards people like I'm waiting for them to comment on my slight change and it makes me think if all the times I turn a blind eye to things they have done, how they've let me down, how I'm used etc but how I play the naive to thus because I genuinely see the best in people and if I'm not willing to say anything in those moments then how are they supposed to know. I just am petrified that I'll get rejected for trying to save myself and my future by becoming more assertive. It doesn't help that where sometimes I wish I could seek advice from others there is no point because I end up glorifying those in question because I am not one to speak negatively of others, so Even if this were to produce some conflict I can guarantee that I'll look bad because I won't want to bore anyone with my issues or defend myself so I feel like I'm sitting waiting for something terrible to come of this! Money is seriously troubling me. I'm so scarred by my anxieties influence on my ability to work so right now I am earning nothing and everything I spend which is quite a lot is from my savings. This is because I would literally be house bound if I cut off any spending and I cannot look vulnerable and tell the truth and I must keep up appearances. I don't want to be the person that can't do anything due to money and I can't pick and choose who I spend it on because I need to equally spread this out. I would never let someone pay for me and that I'm fine with but I do find I spend a fair bit on people who are earning a fair amount of money themselves! I can't breathe, I just feel so trapped I want to isolate myself but I can't dare let people down. I am pushing myself at the moment to better myself but it feels horrendous. I also can't invite people to mine much because I feel so much responsibility to entertain that I hate it and genuinely people never stay long before they leave as I live in the middle of the countryside so I do all the travelling (I get this is my fault but it is obvious how people get at mine)