Some things i've learned.

[Clydesdale Epona]

As i've gone along i've noticed some things about anxiety so i thought i'd just write them down if not for you guys also for me if i forget in the future lol.

Irrationality: there's no doubt it's really silly to others and even us sometimes, i'm currently sat here trying to eat some mulligatawny soup, the rice and beef pieces are really small but even in small bitefulls i'm still terrified of choking, and why? because when we avoid things through fear it feeds the fear, and then it gets worse, i remember a time where i could eat something and my brain would say "make sure its small enough it could be dangerous" but the more i ignored it it turned to "ooh the beef is a little chewy despite being tiny it might kill us" the thing i've learned is that when i ignore these thoughts(because lets be honest here they are really really irrational) then sure you kinda have to deal with it going at you but after a while your mind will realize "oh wait maybe this isn't so bad" i like to think of it as an attention seeking child and sometimes you have to put it on the naughty step, i've also learned a couple of things that may help you guys i'm not sure

Reassurance: i know in scary scary situations we just need some help, but think of it as a fire. sure if the flame if is really bad you just any liquid you can find but ultimately you really need something effect like water(which is to learn through your own self), my partner has been gradually cutting down on giving me any and it actually helps so i'd suggest that x

Anxious situations: If you're in a situation where you're feeling anxious(lets say getting on a bus) try and calm and compose yourself, fake confidence if need be. if you give in to the unreliable thought that you're going to say something wrong or stutter and everyone will laugh then you're gonna be more likely to stutter because you're not thinking straight and clear, just breath stay calm and you'll be fine x

as far as a mini update i had my third CBT session yesterday and my therapist told me i actually knew three techniques already i just didn't use them enough(oops) i also apparently have a good positive outlook on life and i'm more than likely going to make a great recovery i haven't googled since October and i went to my first party one new years eve which worked out pretty okay x

[Clydesdale Epona]

(My apologies for bumping up this thread )
i just like to add here as i go along (like a little journal) so i can come back and read it if i'm ever down x

Update 02: my therapist told me to be less selfless? i didn't think you could be too selfless but apparently i kind of distract myself with helping others and don't take time out to listen to my thoughts and feelings so i have to reserve 20 minutes a day to "me time" which i'm finding hard to remember but i'm getting there, i've also noticed that rather than simply ignoring my irrational thoughts i've started to actually fight them like the side pain i've been having has been fairly bad these past few days but instead of ignoring my fear i simply said "i've had this side pain for three days if was what you think it was you'd be in hospital by now" and it actually started to calm down, needless to say i'm quite chuffed as chips because i never saw myself being able to fight back, i always figured if i ignored it then it would just be something dangerous(basically that i'd jinx myself) x

[Lukas]

I'm really glad to hear you're doing well, it's always inspiring to hear someone at such a positive mark in their recovery x

[Bigboyuk]

This is good news Aiden good thinking on your part Hope you let the other thread I started a few days ago know too It's all good

[Clydesdale Epona]

Thanks Bigboy! i'll defo update the thread later on, i've just been working all day as my creativity has finally come back too

---------- Post added at 19:08 ---------- Previous post was at 18:52 ----------

I've also bitten the bullet as we're taking my brother back up to Uni and at the same time i'm going to stay with my sister until the 26th because i got a ticket to see a comedian live on the 24th for Christmas and i was almost not going to go thanks to anxiety but i've changed my mind and i'm going to give it a go

[Bigboyuk]

Thanks Bigboy! i'll defo update the thread later on, i've just been working all day as my creativity has finally come back too

---------- Post added at 19:08 ---------- Previous post was at 18:52 ----------

I've also bitten the bullet as we're taking my brother back up to Uni and at the same time i'm going to stay with my sister until the 26th because i got a ticket to see a comedian live on the 24th for Christmas and i was almost not going to go thanks to anxiety but i've changed my mind and i'm going to give it a go

Oh excellent news Who you going to see? Should be a laugh too cheers

[mezzaninedoor]

Great to hear when people are doing well, often they are the stories that we don't hear.

My talking therapist has also mentioned about selflessness and about the issues of 'guilt' when I feel that I should be helping people and tackling situations which are perhaps far beyong my affecting ( Syria, Africa etc etc ). Being 'selfless' is a great human trait but we sometimes miss our self care and thats crucial to us navigating our own conditions, if we are no use to ourselves how can we be of help to others.

Great Stuff Aiden

[Beckybecks]

Thanks for the useful post.
I had to smile while reading about the chewy beef that might choke you. I haven't been able to eat a steak for twenty years because of that irrational fear.

I too have put posts on here to help me in the future and it's a good idea because it does help when you're going through a bad patch to be able to read something you wrote yourself when you were feeling 'normal' and rational.

CBT is great and definitely helps if you keep on practicing the exercises and using them in real situations.
But I still haven't managed to eat a steak...... :(

[Clydesdale Epona]

I haven't either, bacon and steak are kind of my no no points and probably always will be, i'm learning the difference between just staying away from bacon for common sense(which i always find chokey) and still eating soup because the food pieces are so tiny
I admittedly haven't ate anything solid today as i've been on the road basically the whole time and this week is going to be hectic but i am trying my est and keeping my head up x looking forward to the 24th although my OH is busy so i'm going alone but they brought me the tickets so i'm gonna give it a try
(it feels really silly being anxious over something as simple as a show but i feel awkward alone )

[Clydesdale Epona]

-Update 03-
The road trip went very well(8 hours were brutal though haha!)
but i stayed pretty calm the whole time and only had to stop three times(the first two times were to pee and stretch because i was getting kinda bouncy with my anxiety? and the third was for my hot chocolate fix oops!) had my hospital appointment yesterday and was informed that she honestly thinks the whole reflux is down to IBS or just natural causes but she's going to a barium as its less invasive and just to make shure i don't have any narrowing or gullet emptying issues. i also had my eye test today and found out my eysight is fairly the same but my left eye has changed a little bit, they're both healthy though and my multi colored pupils are beautiful so even a nice little compliment thrown in i'll have my new glasses next week and i'll get phoned about the barium test, i'm kind of freaking out over it but overall i'm feeling pretty good and i'm almost out of my rough patch, i just need to focus on my diet now x