What is it that I fear??

[Jasmine27]

Hi everyone I'm new to nmp..infact im new to the whole forum chat. I'm currently suffering with panic disorder with agoraphobia and would love to hear some tips from other sufferes..I don't have the support I need and I feel like after nearly two year and a full year of been housebound I'm actually making a little bit if progress but I have a 3 year old and its heartbreaking not been able to take him anywhere. I live in a caravan on a traveller site my husband is a traveller but I am not so its quite complex because I can actually go outside but I can't go far from home without having a panic attack or without the thoughts of I have to get home funny thing is I have panic attacks at home too..nobody gets it around me I don't really get it myself I'm a very outgoing person I love to socialise be around people and do fun things but I feel like am in prison with invisible bars. Any suggestions to help with my recovery would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[Marie2016]

Hi jasmine,

I have anxiety with panic attacks and agoraphobia too. I also have children who are 4 and 1 so I understand the guilt you feel about not being able to go places with them.
I don't understand why we make our homes our safe places even though we have panic attacks there too but somehow panic attacks are just easier to deal with at home.

For me I think I've realised the fear is 'what if I panic and can't get back to my safe place'
Over the past 10 months (since the agoraphobia started) I've gone from not being able to walk to end of my drive without panicking to being able to take the kids to a park nearby and being able to go on longer walks together. Strangely I can walk further by myself but I think this is because I fear panic striking and something happening to me when I'm out alone with the kids.
It helps to understand some of your triggers, for me I know my anxiety is higher during ovulation and just before my period so I've started to track my cycle so I'm not caught out by this.
It's a long journey but it's better not to rush as I have in the past and ended up relapsing back into full agoraphobia.
I use exposure therapy, set small achievable goals and repeat the same thing until you can do it calmly then push your distance again and so on.
I also take a 10mg propranolol (beta blocker) each morning, it's a very small dose but it just takes the edge off some of the symptoms, such as, sweating palms and a racing heart.
For me I think it's important to still feel all of the symptoms and be able to learn to cope with them and realise that I'm fine is the key which is why I won't accept any medication that would change my thought process or take the symptoms away completely. I think curing agoraphobia and panic is really just learning to live with the symptoms and not let them get in the way of our lives.
Propranolol is great for just making it slightly more manageable and is a huge help for exposure tasks

I hope this helps in some way and just know that so many people are dealing with the same symptoms.

Feel free to private message me anytime

[Jasmine27]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me I really appreciate that. I live next door to a big country park and for the past 3 weeks I've been working voluntary for a few hours on a weekend and am managing that it I even rode to the end of the road on my bike and waited there for 30 mins but when I turned to wait at the end of the next road I couldn't do it so am waiting halfway at that road and today I managed to stop there for about 5 mins. I guess am doing OK and I really need to push myself abit more. My health visitor is fantastic and next week where suppose to be going to a place off my list I'm feeling very nervous. I manage better by myself to I think its because I don't want to panic in front of my child. I rhink the further I get from home the more I panic. I've been prescribed beta blockers but never tryd them feel very nervous about taking medication. Also I'm on the waiting list for a recovery coach lije someone who will come places with me and help me to stop until the panic has gone easier said then done. I think it's about breaking the avoidance habbit but wow that's hard.

[Marie2016]

You're very welcome. I hate taking medication too but after I decided to be brave and try the beta blockers I realised how helpful they are! If you do decide to try them you might feel sleepy for a few days but that does wear off.
It sounds like you're doing the exposure therapy really well, I too panic more the further I get away from home but I try to push myself to stay and walk further. It helps to tell myself that i must have had hundreds of panic attacks and nothing bad ever happened to me, it gives me a bit of perspective back.
You're definately right about breaking the avoidance habits. It is so hard! Sometimes I find myself making an excuse or avoiding a situation before I've even had chance to think about it! It's like a safety thing sometimes I think.

I'm sure we'll get past this though and hopefully one day soon we'll both be back going anywhere we wish to without a second thought

[Jasmine27]

Goodmorning I actually feel half normal knowing am not alone and it seems our sytmpons are very similar. I think maybe I could try one I'm gunna see how I get on the next few days on my bike and try and work out what the worst sytmpins at that are..sometimes its a blur because it happens so fast. Do u do any therapy? I've had CBT through the anxiety UK charity 24 in toatl..which is why am on the list for the recovery coach..but I'm thinking of trying a new therapist in the meantime maybe a fresh pair of eyes. I've also had the ****** ******* which promises fast results big con I thought tho some of it was helpful but by no means the cure it promised. Would you be interested in putting our thoughts together and maybe devising our own plan maybe we could help each other past our comfort zones.

[Marie2016]

Hi, sorry for the late response I've been so busy lately that I haven't had chance to come on here! I've had CBT and it was very helpful but I got to the point where I now know exactly what I need to do I just need to keep pushing myself further. I finished the CBT last year and I've made massive improvements since, although I could do with maybe quickening the pace! I've relapsed before due to rushing so I think now I tend to take it maybe a little too slowly.
I think we could definately help each other. It is helpful to know other people feel the same