Wish I never went

[aangel]

I went to see a psychiatrist today about the intrusive thoughts. She diagnosed me with OCD and depression. But what she said afterwards really upset me. She asked me what took me so long to see someone and I said I had avoided coming because I didn't want to be misunderstood or thought of as crazy. I just wanted to know that I was a safe person to be around. She said it was good that I came in because OCD can be dangerous because of the compulsive part of it. I confided in her about some of the sexual intrusive thoughts. First she said that a person could have a thought for years and years and never act on them.

Then she basically implied that I (or any person with OCD) could act on a sexual intrusive thought to get relief from anxiety and then feel bad about it afterwards. I basically shut down after that. It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room, I felt so sick. I rambled on about how I don't want to do those things. I mentioned how everything I read had said the thoughts were meaningless (a person isn't going to act on their worst fears). I said the thoughts went against my morals and I mentioned how one of the things that really comforted me was that people with these thoughts never act on them. She said, "Well, I never say never" and sent me on my way. I don't think she even realized how bad she made feel. She also said I could get talk therapy. I ended up crying after I left the office all the way home.

[MyNameIsTerry]

When she said you could act on your intrusive thoughts to gain relief first and then feel guilty afterwards, she didn't mean your compulsions take the form of your thoughts. For instance, someone may feel the need to mastibate for relied from the sexual feelings and this leads to guilt & shame because "I've done it go my thoughts do deep down I must like them". But it's not, it's relief of physical tension.

If you relieved anxious tension from your intrusive violent thoughts by punching a punch bag for 10 minutes, why would that have any connection to being violent? It just gets the adrenaline down.

Doctors tend not to say never when something is 99.9% because they are wary of giving patients false hopes and leaving themselves open to later action. This is the same across all medical fields. A specialist checking a lump won't say "no chance of cancer" unless they have enough evidence to back it up. My dad, brother and brother's GF have had such scares and that's what every single doctor has said.

It is rare to act on intrusive thoughts. But not impossible therefore "never say never" applies but what you have to remember is that all evidence and the psychiatrists professional opinion is that you won't. So, concentrate on the 99.9% not the 0.01%.

And actually we action our intrusive thoughts all the time - with compulsions. But these are not the thoughts, they mitigate risk to reduce anxiety or are more subtle mental compulsions that suck us into the worrying trap (e.g. mental checking & testing).

Can OCD compulsions sometimes be dangerous? Yes. Think about how severe contamination can themes can get when a sufferer is washing in bleach. What about hoarders living in unhealthy conditions?

[aangel]

I don't know. I started to shut down when she was talking and it felt like I was zoning out. Maybe I heard her wrong. But it sounded like she said that a person with OCD could do something sexual to someone to gain relief from their anxiety and then feel guilty afterward. She didn't mention it in the context of masturbating or anything like that. I just feel worse than I did before I went.

[Dave1]

Hi A,

Can you change to another psychiatrist? I don't think it's going to work if you don't feel comfortable with her. Her bedside manner seems poor to me.

[sporque]

What are these sexual thought? Maybe we can help you put it in better context than your heartless psychiatrist!

[aangel]

She said she needed to know what types of intrusive thoughts I had and I explained that I had blasphemous thoughts, health related obsessions, harm intrusive thoughts, and I mentioned sexual intrusive thoughts too.

[sporque]

She said she needed to know what types of intrusive thoughts I had and I explained that I had blasphemous thoughts, health related obsessions, harm intrusive thoughts, and I mentioned sexual intrusive thoughts too.

My point is that some of those thoughts may be normal. Meaning that your reaction to those thoughts is what's causing the problem, not the thoughts themselves.

[Catherine S]

angel, just wanted to say to you that you do not have to give any details of your sexual thoughts openly on this thread if it makes you uncomfortable to do so ok? So far you've only had replies from men, but there are also female ocd sufferers on the forum, so if it makes you feel more comfortable you can request female only replies if you prefer. You have that option ok?

No disrespect to anyone, but it's not always appropriate for men to be asking a young girl to describe her obsessive sexual thoughts.

ISB

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't know. I started to shut down when she was talking and it felt like I was zoning out. Maybe I heard her wrong. But it sounded like she said that a person with OCD could do something sexual to someone to gain relief from their anxiety and then feel guilty afterward. She didn't mention it in the context of masturbating or anything like that. I just feel worse than I did before I went.

No, that is where we are getting into the rare issues of someone acting out their intrusive thoughts.

Your morals are still there your anxiety can't take you over to commit abuse or criminal acts.

---------- Post added at 03:43 ---------- Previous post was at 03:41 ----------

My point is that some of those thoughts may be normal. Meaning that your reaction to those thoughts is what's causing the problem, not the thoughts themselves.

That's possible, but less so in an OCD context because intrusive thoughts are egodystonic, the opposite of character.

Overreacting to normal unconscious thinking is another area.

---------- Post added at 03:44 ---------- Previous post was at 03:43 ----------

What are these sexual thought? Maybe we can help you put it in better context than your heartless psychiatrist!

The psychiatrist hasn't been heartless. She explained things correctly. She may not have released the patient's misperception.

---------- Post added at 03:52 ---------- Previous post was at 03:44 ----------

You don't have to discuss anything you feel uncomfortable with. However, this is an open forum so anyone on the Internet can read it. Whilst you can request female replies, just bare in mind we are all reading it. Only PM is going to work properly.

You could change your title for female responses but this board is pretty slow so you may have to wait a bit.

If you are uncomfortable discussing details with men, please say and we can respect your wishes.

To be honest, we don't need to know much detail anyway. General themes tend to suffice. If it's POCD then don't be afraid to talk because we have had plenty of POCD sufferers.

[sporque]

It's not a big deal. She can PM me if she likes and we can discuss it privately. Sometimes I've found it's easier that way. Male/Female OCD/Panic Disorder, WE all suffer and can offer our help because of our individual experiences and knowledge. I have some experience in this area, so it's my pleasure to offer her any advise she needs publicly or privately.