Hey everyone,
Hope all is well(well obv we arent or guess we wouldnt be on here exactly)...
I was going to post this in Health Anxiety but seen introduce yourself. Ill apologise in advance for the extra long post and please bare with it(or skip bits if it bores you ha)
Im a 34 yo male with Health Anxiety and sadly regular Panic Attacks(or on the edge of one a lot). I am a social personable and like to think im a good and decent person, I am self employed and are lucky to have a good family and friends. That being said there isnt many people who understand what im going through, sometimes I dont and find it hard to explain myself. I have browsed forum and everyone seems really friendly and it would be great to chat to likeminded folk.
I have always been very fearful of health and death from a young age in some ways. But had a happy childhood for most part and this didnt really hit me until i was about 20 in university. I had no idea what anxiety was until that stage, remember having chest pains, not being able to breathe properly etc. I thought it was something serious and I was such a killjoy my lovely girlfriend at the time. Finally after months of this a doctor said Anxiety, whats this I wonder surely I am dying or have this disease or that.
From here I was given citalopram, stay off drinking for 3-6month and I really improved. From there I was fine for around 5/6 years(still probs a little over sensitive but nothing harmful). Me and gf broke up(i was worrying about health a lot and got depressed also for life/job factors).
From there I had my 1st ever panic attack a few months after this in March 2009. To think I had 27 blissful years without one now seems so lucky. Obv I dont need to tell people what it feels like I honestly felt like I was dying. Wake up stiff neck, Couldnt breathe, dizzy shaking and trembling. Trip to docs day after and told it was obv a panic attack.
I went back on citalopram but sadly this time without the quick affect and stayed on them for about a year and a half. Panic attacks werent too bad I suppose but I worked from home and avoided a of lot of situations so probs kept them to a low(not healthy I know). I finally got myself well in late 2010 and moved back to my family home. Had a great year, health wise fun etc. But in 2011 my mother had a stroke and it knocked me back a lot and although the odd good period battled anxiety for the next 2 years. Panic attacks then got so bad whilst i was seeing my new gf I got CBT. It helped a bit process things but didnt totally. (Mother made a full recovery thankfully : )
Finally after a 1 year and half me and gf broke up we were very much in love and so hard, but anxiety sadly cost me this. I wasnt myself, found battling panic attacks etc very tough to do things and make her happy. Very sad really. Also my life wasnt in a great place professionally and the situation made matters worse which i except.
From here say 3-6mths after oddly I actually managed anxiety very well, my main bouts was when I was actually ill. But for most part I lost the general day to day anxiety and calmed panic attacks to a minimium.
All this was until last May/June 2016. Gradually I started slipping into old habits feeling that way. And since October the panic attacks have the most frequent they have ever been. What worries me most about this time is that life outside of anxiety is going really well. My business is doing well, I am in very good shape, limited my drinking, eating well, keeping social and apart from the frustration I feel happy in life for the most part etc. But I am still always ill and suffer general anxiety and panic attacks weekly or more. And it is like I live life at 70% and its such a battle.
I am on NHS waiting list for CBT which is in May(its been 6mth and 3 more) I have been given propranolol by the doctor for emegency when im in a bad way. Ive not used it yet as id prefer to have a go without as ive conquered it before. But maybe I will look into it if things dont improve.
I have had health issues but im not sure what is what now. And each emotion I feel feels x 100. I know all CBT and try and go through them but doesnt seem to help.
I do suffer from a few physical ailments such as : Indegestion, sinus problems, migranes.
My main anxiety symptoms are (sometimes at different times/some at same time) : Constant Stiff Neck(worse at times of panic attack), indegestion, numb/weak hands, constant need to drink water, dry mouth, dizziness, head pressure, breathing issues, twitchy muscles, at times constant heart palpatations(which can come at same time at indegestion) get cold a lot, and shivery
There is many more aches and pains which occur. And I find it so difficult when all these things happen to stop them or convince my mind they are caused my anxiety. Even when in reality I know they are. Now I am simply in fear of having panic attacks themselves. I have rode them out, ive tried to stay where I am, keep busy and social and dont stop doing things but they keep happening all I do. Which is frustrating me so much and making me sad much as im trying to stay positive. When they occur its not just 10-15 mins like it says online some days it can go on all day. I find when i get home and lie down and relax I can get a bit better.
I am sorry for going on and on. I havent really explained everything, ie my actual panic attacks but I felt it was important to tell my full story without it sounding like war and peace ha. Even if no one reads this it kind of felt nice to get it down and off my chest in some ways. A form of confession or threapy in itself.
Thanks for listening. And hope to use the forum a bit now.
T
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