I'm not sure if I ever had HOCD!!! HELP

[Bigboyuk]

Hi Ok so it seems you may be bi in other words you feel attracted to both sexes and you actually say you are fine with that so this is a step forward now. So work on that Nothing to be ashamed of either. Think once you have worked it out whats going on then you will be ok. Cheers

[bottleblond]

Like it feels like I'm getting groinal responses when I look at girls but it seems like arousal. Right not it all just feels like I'm gay and that I'm fine with it. Yet I can't stop thinking about how I liked boys on the past.

I was talking to my friends about boys and I just felt awkward. I am really picky when it come to guys and I'm my overly fussed on abs yet that's what the others like.

If you're fine with being either way then I would just leave it to nature and see what path it takes you down.

[Helpmeeeeeeeplz]

So I'm bi?!?!? :((( I just want to date guys!!!! I don't want to date girls!!!!! Girls are pretty and all but I really don't want to be with one. I just felt so happy talking to my crush this morning! Ugh

---------- Post added at 21:34 ---------- Previous post was at 21:30 ----------

Just thinking about being with a girl right now is making me ill. Guys are so sweet.

[Helpmeeeeeeeplz]

THATS HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME AT THE MOMENT. Also don't talk to me like that I don't appreciate it.

I never said I liked girls, it just feels like I do. I have lost attraction with guys though which is normal with hocd. However I still feel like when I talk to guys, I just want to be with one, and it makes me happy. - this is what I mean

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Ok so it seems you may be bi in other words you feel attracted to both sexes and you actually say you are fine with that so this is a step forward now. So work on that Nothing to be ashamed of either. Think once you have worked it out whats going on then you will be ok. Cheers

I think people are misreading things. You can't be sucked into a sexual preference you don't want.

---------- Post added at 03:42 ---------- Previous post was at 03:32 ----------

An excellent post by Beatroon about her experience with her sexuality and who also has OCD:

I thought it might be of some help to do a thread from the perspective of someone who has gone through the coming-to-terms with their sexuality thing, and come out, and lives happily as a homosexual-type person! I also have OCD so can perhaps offer some useful thoughts on the difference between synthetic and real attraction.

Please bear in mind that if you are suffering from OCD, it's the OCD that needs help, not this specific theme: if you don't tackle the root of the problem, your OCD will just jump to another topic when it's done with this one. So, if you're reading this thinking 'great, an answer to whether or not I really have HOCD!' that's fine, but you also need to get onto the OCD full stop.

So here goes. When I was realising I was attracted to other women, it was *plain as the nose on my face*. I wanted to be around them, wanted to be intimate with them, wanted to spend all my time with them. Was there an element of denial? Not really. I was just focused on how I would conceal the fact of my sexuality from people who wouldn't like it; I never didn't think I was gay. It was stressful to realise I was different, but how I felt was not something I questioned. I would seek out resources about being gay as a reassurance that all would go OK in the future, not as a way to 'test' my feelings, because I knew that my feelings were there all along. On the outside I put on a tough front and said homophobic things to other kids along with the rest, but I never once felt I was actually disgusted with myself and the things I was feeling. I think Hollywood has given us a picture of 'the sad homosexual in denial' who doesn't understand their own feelings and turns bad, but in reality, I don't think that happens.

I am sure that everyone is different but even if you look at coming-out stories later in life, you will find a general theme which is 'I just fell in love with another woman' - it is something that happens *to* you, not something that you go back and forth and question what you feel about.

The difference between this 'real' coming-out-to-myself process and the synthetic thoughts that OCD gives you is that at some level, when you have an OCD theme, you *know* it's your OCD. When you think about the thing your OCD is telling you, you feel sad and anxious and conflicted and like it can't be true (because it isn't!). If you are spending all your time worrying that you might be gay, then that is the OCD talking, because no actual gay person spends all that time worrying about whether or not they *are* gay, they spend all their time worrying about how to tell people/will it be OK/what if the object of my crush is heterosexual. Funnily enough, I occasionally get a bit of inverse-HOCD where I wonder if I'm secretly straight: but it passes quickly because the idea of actually going out with a man does nothing for me, and having been through deciphering my sexuality, I'm not afraid of what that would be like a second time.

I would also stress that OCD plays on things we fear - which indicates that at some level, people with HOCD may fear turning out to be gay, having to go through the coming-out process. It doesn't mean you're homophobic, more that you are frightened of being different and going through a painful time, if this is at odds with your personal values and family values.

Does it help if I say that being LGBT is really not something to be frightened of, in itself? We live in a society which is increasingly tolerant and as a 'lifestyle' there is really nothing you can't do. You may hit a few road bumps with intolerant types for a brief time but honestly - if I could snap my fingers and change into a straight person - I wouldn't. Difference is nothing to be afraid of. In the highly unlikely event that you were to experience (and then choose to act on) homosexual attraction, the worst-case scenario of being shunned by all just wouldn't happen. There would be so many people hoping to support you and help you on your path.

The thing with OCD is that it insists on knowing the answer to the question you're asking yourself NOW. In that, it is like any other anxiety disorder. It is a trap because you need certainty but certainty is impossible in this life. We are far too rich and varied a species to know anything for sure!

Sorry for the wall of text but it's upsetting to see so many people struggling, and I wanted to reach out and offer some thoughts. Good luck all!

[Helpmeeeeeeeplz]

Wow. This actually helped me. Thank you so much MyNameIsTerry! Just to hear this from a different perspective changes the thoughts. I am back and fourth questioning this and although I feel like there is something there with girls, thinking about being with one does nothing. I just don't like it. I also felt something special when I thought about dating my crush. When I saw an ad of a girl laughing though, I smiled. She was pretty, but I wasn't attracted to her. Everytime I think about my crush, I get butterflies. Thank you again!!!

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's all perfectly natural to be able to appreciate the physical appearance of the same sex without any sexual attraction. OCD tends to start you off analysing it all and you end up forgetting it's something we all do.

I'm straight, I can look at well built guy and think he looks good. It doesn't mean anything beyond that.

Beatroon has the experience. She knows how if feels and as you can see, it's nothing like what you have been saying all the way through this thread. I know you saw this before as you posted thanking her, I thought it might be a useful reminder.

Are there any services aimed at teen emotional support in your country? We have charities over here that do this and it's a good way to speak to someone trained who can help you seek further help or help you to talk to your parents if you are struggling too.

[Fishmanpa]

which is normal with hocd.

The only way to know for sure IF in fact you're suffering from HOCD or any mental illness is by a mental health professional. Right now I see a very confused child that needs help and guidance in real life, not on the internet.

As a parent, I find this very distressing.

Positive thoughts

[Bigboyuk]

I think people are misreading things. You can't be sucked into a sexual preference you don't want.

---------- Post added at 03:42 ---------- Previous post was at 03:32 ----------

An excellent post by Beatroon about her experience with her sexuality and who also has OCD:

Terry it's just some of the wording in a previous post like on the previous page the OP states it's like a groinal attraction when seeing girls think the OP is on a roller coaster at the mo. And agree you cant be sucked in to something you aren't Cheers

---------- Post added at 11:28 ---------- Previous post was at 11:25 ----------

Wow. This actually helped me. Thank you so much MyNameIsTerry! Just to hear this from a different perspective changes the thoughts. I am back and fourth questioning this and although I feel like there is something there with girls, thinking about being with one does nothing. I just don't like it. I also felt something special when I thought about dating my crush. When I saw an ad of a girl laughing though, I smiled. She was pretty, but I wasn't attracted to her. Everytime I think about my crush, I get butterflies. Thank you again!!!

Right so how does your crush feel about you, have you asked him out on date yet and if you have what was his answer?? If you haven't asked yet why not especially if you like him a lot Cheers

[Fishmanpa]

Right so how does your crush feel about you, have you asked him out on date yet and if you have what was his answer?? If you haven't asked yet why not especially if you like him a lot Cheers

With respect BBoy... this is a 14 year old child! Heck, my daughter wasn't allowed on a "date" alone with a boy until she was 16 for goodness sakes!

Again, I emphasize that there some things that are better left to real life solutions and this entire situation from the very first thread/post, is one of them IMO.

Positive and responsible thoughts