Feeling defeated before even leaving the house

[Ditapage]

Hi everyone,

I hope agoraphobia sufferers can answer me, I'm going mad trying to figure out what mistake I'm making.

If I plan to go out, as soon as I start getting ready I am overcome with tiredness, weakness, sore eyes, legs. Then I lose all motivation to even try. I decide I don't really want to go to out anyway.

If I don't plan to go out and it's more spontaneous (don't have to get dressed or ponder going out) I can go. But only if it's with somebody else.

Does anyone else feel symptoms before even leaving "safety?"

[Clarinha]

Hi Ditapage,

I also suffer from agoraphobia and I understand what you're talking about. I think it has to do with anticipatory anxiety: you're planning to go out and so it's on your mind for some time before you actually have to go out and the anxiety builds up because you might start imagining all sorts of nightmare scenarios about how you won't be able to cope, what might happen that's out of your control, etc and then you get the physical symptoms of anxiety even before going out.
I also find it easier to go out spontaneously and especially with my partner as I feel 'safer' when I'm with him and so don't feel the need to fret so much about it.
Have you tried setting very small goals for going out? When I am really suffering, sometimes just getting out of the front door and to the mailbox can be challenge enough but that's something. I find that little steps often can build up to bigger strides as time goes on. So perhaps in a first instance, just try to get out of the door somewhere really close and do that a few times during the day for a few days and then build on from there?

[Ditapage]

Hi Clarinha,

Thanks for your helpful reply, it makes sense that I'm working myself up and I'm definitely imagining the worst too. I hate going out alone, especially to the grocery store where I think the aisles and lights make panic worse, then there's trying to think straight about what to buy. I have so many mini panics in Woolworths and Coles. By the time I get out I'm utterly exhausted.

It seems so difficult to set smaller goals when things need to be done like grocery shopping and my "safe person" has to work or can't be around for whatever reason.

I've found the best thing was to do, not think. I read Claire Weekes book about Agoraphobia and she said the wait is the worst part- which I kinda disagree with because panicking at the checkout is the worst part, but the doing eventually becomes habit and stops triggering symptoms. I find I can get a roll with agoraphobia, I could go to 4 places by myself in one day then go weeks without leaving the house and it becomes hard again. Or that one shopping trip can leave me exhausted. Plus I have this attitude of "if I go out and get it over with quick, I can beat the panic home!" When I get home I am wiped out with tiredness.

[Phuzella]

In my experience you have to keep going. Go out every day even if it's not far. It's the only way. If I can do it anyone can

[Mazzii342]

Hi everyone,

I hope agoraphobia sufferers can answer me, I'm going mad trying to figure out what mistake I'm making.

If I plan to go out, as soon as I start getting ready I am overcome with tiredness, weakness, sore eyes, legs. Then I lose all motivation to even try. I decide I don't really want to go to out anyway.

If I don't plan to go out and it's more spontaneous (don't have to get dressed or ponder going out) I can go. But only if it's with somebody else.

Does anyone else feel symptoms before even leaving "safety?"

Damn it I feel you! I can't say I've been diagnosed with agoraphobia, and I'm not one of those to self-diagnose so I'm not saying I definitely have it, but I can relate to what you're saying. When I plan to go out I find it damn near impossible to go out, and like you, have annoying physical symptoms too.

If my friend says, "hey you want to go to the shop" I'll be like sure and get dressed and go. No problems. But when I have to think about it, or plan going out, for more than a few hours, my anxiety builds and builds until I too just decided not to go. It's been affecting my work because I have evening shifts, and I wake up worrying and worrying about it, I lay in bed stressed to the max, and recently have been calling in sick or getting out of it. I even get ready, am about to leave, but I just can't. I haven't been to uni in three weeks. It's ridiculous. I'm out of my anxiety meds for a week now, but I'm too anxious to call the docs for an appt, let alone leave the house to get there.

Anyway, I feel you, it sucks. I'd say what works for me, best anyway, is I try to take my mind off of wherever I have to be. I might do some work or get ready earlier and read some of my book. I've taken to going to the library in the day before work so I am already up and out, and I can find it easier to get there. There will be days you just can't, but don't beat yourself up about it. Ask your docs if they can help you out with meds, to help calm you.

I really wish you luck, this affliction sucks!

[ana]

Absolutely. It's the build up that's the worst. As soon as I start putting my shoes on, my heart starts racing, my whole body feels weak, tired and shaky, and my mind starts telling me 'don't do this'. The urge to stay home instead is overwhelming, but when I give into it, it makes me feel really bad about myself, so I try and push through it and go out anyway... It's a constant struggle.