read me... you know you want to

[honeybee]

hello all..

i started a free online 12 week CBT course 2 weeks ago but i've only done a week's worth of the work... this is because i think im gonna have to start facing my fears and i'm a bit scared to...

my problem is that i cant leave the house on my own... infact i cant be anywhere on my own other than at home (on my own meaning without people i know VERY well and feel VERY comfortable with)...

but i'm going to have to start to face my fear (i've had MANY failed attempts recently)...

the thing is is that my mind turns to complete mush when i get anxious and i cant think straight at all... so i was trying to think of positive statements i could repeat to myself whilst trying to overcome my fear...

any ideas???

or any other good general advice???

or any good advice of how to keep my motivation going???

[Dying_Swan]

Hey Honeybee.

Who could resist reading a post with a title like that?!

How is the online CBT course going? And good so far?

So.....you have to start facing your fear? Ok. First of all.....try not to use words like 'have, need' etc. Instead of 'I have to start facing my fear', try 'It will help me to start challenging things that frighten me'. My therapist always called these 'pressure words'....they put unnecessary pressure on you.

What are the actual activities that you want to start trying? Do you go to the shops? Or is it driving? Or social activities? Start with something gentle....so if leaving the house is a problem, just go for 5 minutes. Take a walk up the road. The next day, go for 10 minutes, and gradually increase the amount you do things. I used to hate going in shops, because I'd panic in the queue or at the checkout. So, each day I made myself go, and gradually increased the amount I bought. So, each time I just spent a little bit longer at the checkout. Sometimes I did panic, but it was always ok. Now I don't even think about it.

Positive statements I use:

- I will keep tackling this with cool, calm confident peaceful determination'

- However bad I feel, nothing bad actually ever happens. I will be fine

- Focus on what is going on around me, and what I am doing

- I've coped with this a million times before

Always remember how happy you're going to feel afterwards. And treat yourself! Just try to let the anxious feelings wash over you and pass off. Notice when they start to fade. They always do pass off.


Good luck

There's a poem I know well and recite in my head from time to time:

When things go wrong as they sometimes will.
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about.
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[honeybee]

thanks hun... i did have CBT before but it wasn't very good... but decided to give it a go again...

at the moment i'm fine if i go out with my fella or mum. i'm even going to a festival this year and even though i know i'll be a bit anxious and scared that i'll lose my fella and be onm my own i know i'll have a great time. BUT i cant even go for a short walk on my own... the thought of a walk isn't too bad but if i had to go to a shop or something and have to interact with people i wouldn't be able to... even though i could very easily if i was with someone else.... so anyway i'm gonna start going for a small walk every day, im not sure what the next step will be yet... my boyfriend put me on his car insurance last october so i could learn to drive and so far i've only done an hour's worth of driving so maybe i should get into that since an extra £200 for an hour's worth of driving isn't very fair at all really.

anyway thanks for your advice

x x x

[groovygranny]

but i'm going to have to start to face my fear (i've had MANY failed attempts recently)...

Hi Honeybee

TRy changing the above to read:

'I'm going to face my fear - I'm looking forward to being successful'

And, as I said in my pm:

When you're on the long road to recovery, every step, no matter how small, takes you further on. Now and again just take a glance back (whilst still moving forward of course) and you will be surprised to see how far you've actually come!! Then, even if you stumble and/or fall, this fact will spur you on!

So try not to look at the mountain and see how huge it is - just think of the wonderful view you will have when you reach the top!

I know you can do this Honeybee - we're all here for you


PS: Dying_Swan's poem is well worth learning off by heart!! I'm going to try and bump start the ol' grey matter to learn it too!

[Paddington]

Hi Honeybee ooh one of my taboos too hun,doing things by myself If i lose who ever i am with in a suopermarket i panic..but then at one point i would not go into a supermarket....so there is an improvment there the other day i heard a mantra in my head it was ..'own your space..own your space' and it worked it is your peice of the planet ,where ever you are ,dont be pushed or frightened by others who are simpl,y owning their space too.We are so crushed by our anxiety or the FEAR of getting anxious that it can make us feel less of a person ,as tho we dont have the same right s as others,as tho we deserve it less some how!!Do you know where i am coming from..I have stood in a shop with people coming towards me and i have just stood there and let them pass over and over again,as tho i were invisable,too nervous to OWN MY SPACE...well not any more!!So where ever that mantra came from i am eternally grateful..walk tall,smile inside and out ..and the world becomes something to be apart of not something to fear Best of lucj Hun.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dying_Swan]

Hey.

That's great you're going to a festival....have a fab time!

I understand about fearing shops and interaction. Really, I do. I don't think you should push yourself too hard, but just gradually increase what you do each time. When you feel you'd like to go to a shop by yourself, just buy one thing. Have the money ready in your hand. So, just buy some chewing gum or something. It will be over in seconds, and then each time you can increase the amount of time you spend in there.

Driving could be good too. Just remember to do it all slowly and not to worry about setbacks. The important thing is to stay positive. And I liked GG's advice for turning around your thinking into positive thoughts.

Good luck xxx

[honeybee]

thanks guys...

i like thew whole 'owning my space' thing... if im out with someone else i feel i do this anyway... i do walk tall and confidently and i always have a smile on my face but isnt strange how all that can change when i go out on my own and i suddenly have noone to 'hide behind'... i suppose the fact i can go out with others should mean as hard as it will be to start with, on the whole maybe my progress will come quickly as i only have half way to go...

GG - i'm looking forward to the view from the top... think i might watch that sunscreen tune on youtube then go for a walk

[eeyorelover]

Hi Honey
I started small. Went out in the garden by myself. Keeping busy so I wouldn't what if myself into running back in the house - LOL.
Then I went a little ways up the street with headphones (singing like an idiot I have to add)
I just added to it every other day or so.
Little victories!!!
They do alot for the self esteem.
Just so you know it is possible I will tell you that I can now drive(that was one of my worst fears) about 20 minutes out of town. I can go into a store and not feel like I need to run out.
IT CAN BE DONE HUN
Wishing you success and knowing that you will make it
xxx
Sandy

[Paddington]

That's the right way to see it honeybee cup half full not half empty I do feelit is also a self esteem thing..it is with me..i feelsafe with other people to hide behind as you say..mind younno one would believe it as i am such a smiley chatterbox stillwe are all rather good at thet too,aren't we You are doing so well hun..keepit up Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxx

[kate]

Whenever I'm feeling vulnerable or feel like I'm going to lose the plot, I continually talk away to myself. My mantra is:-

"I'm my own safe place, I am in complete control of what happens to me"

I keep repeating this and I find that it really does help me

Kate