Does anxiety always has a medical cause?

[mismashful2]

Hi everyone, I'm 19 yo and still live at home.

My whole life, my father has been quite aggressive towards me and my mother. Not all the times, but about every 6 months he would get what we call an "episode" and totally freak out: for example, when I was 6 and was too slow at carrying the potatoes up the stairs, he would kick me from behind, up the stairs.

When I was 14, my mother cheated on my dad. She went away, because when he found out, he was really aggressive towards her, and hit her almost every day. So now my mom lives with her new boyfriend.
At first, I couldn't understand why she did that, but now I do: my dad was very manipulative (she couldn't see any family/friends) and he had these moods..

I stayed with my dad (where I still am) because my mom was afraid that if she would take me, he would come after us and kill us both (which I understand why she did that).

All the time I lived with my dad, he talked about how he would kill my mom as soon as he found out he would be terminally sick and how he would commit suicide afterwords. It scared the crap out of me, but I was still quite young, so I tried to ignore it.
During all my high school years, everything remained the same.

I did started to have some OCD at that time (14 yo) which was a ritual I had to do before I went to bed. I did this, until about 2/3 weeks ago.

But when going from year 1 to year 2 at uni (when I was about 18 years old) I started suffering from Health Anxiety and later on from intrusive thoughts.
My GP immediately said it was due to my situation at home. She referred my to a therapist. The therapist referred me to a psychiatrist, who put me on escitalopram. (I only took it 1 day, because I HATED the effects)
But this all just doesn't seem to help.
This makes me wonder: should I leave home? But how? I'm only 19 and a 2nd year student at uni, so I still have 3,5 year to go before I have my master's. I can't combine studying with a full-time job.

At first, my anxiety symptoms (and also depression lately) were mostly noticeable at home, but now it's also there a lot of the times when I'm with friends/with my boyfriend or in class. Does this mean it isn't home-related?

I'm sorry if this is a big of a rant, but I just feel trapped. Trapped in the sadness/anxiety, and trapped at home I guess.

[Mochi]

Do you have an adult relative you can talk to for guidance/support? Are you able to be in touch with a counselor? I am not sure what the university system is like where you live, but when I was in college there was a mental health benefit students received for free if you wanted to take advantage...

Is there university housing you can look into? Can you work on campus, get an internship that has a housing stipend? Again, I don't know the system where you are... these are things one can do in US

These sound like pretty big topics and you need to get support from a rational adult..

As for anxiety symptoms showing up outside of your house... anxiety is anxiety. They go where you go... you are probably not as capable of masking symptoms/distracting yourself as you were before. Another sign that you need support.

Sending good thoughts your way

[mismashful2]

Do you have an adult relative you can talk to for guidance/support? Are you able to be in touch with a counselor? I am not sure what the university system is like where you live, but when I was in college there was a mental health benefit students received for free if you wanted to take advantage...

Is there university housing you can look into? Can you work on campus, get an internship that has a housing stipend? Again, I don't know the system where you are... these are things one can do in US

These sound like pretty big topics and you need to get support from a rational adult..

As for anxiety symptoms showing up outside of your house... anxiety is anxiety. They go where you go... you are probably not as capable of masking symptoms/distracting yourself as you were before. Another sign that you need support.

Sending good thoughts your way

Thanks for answering, Mochi!
I'm from Belgium, and university housing doesn't really exist here, it's all private, and expensive.

I'm already seeing a therapist and psychiatrist from my uni, but unfortunately, this isn't free.

[Sylver1975]

Just because you're away from the situation that causes you anxiety doesn't meant that the anxiety from that situation doesn't follow you.

I was living on my own for about 5 years away from my family, though still in regular contact, when I got my first bad bout of anxiety but I've no doubt that it was the years of stress that I'd experienced before I left home that caused my anxiety. It would be just too easy to physically remove ourselves from whatever situation was causing us stress and hope that would resolve our issues. In reality, the situation you've been through has left scars and you can't run away from those, but you can learn to cope and handle it better.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is good if you can avail of it. I've also found that being pro-active helped me, reading up on anxiety, doing meditation exercises, etc.

You can and will feel better, it will just take time and maybe some effort to help yourself to get there.

x
Sylver