Hello! Sorry if this is a long post, I have a lot to get off my mind. I'm terrified of being a bad person/narcissist/psychopath or wanting attention, for example I've been ill recently and I was scared that if I talk to people about it they'll think I'm attention seeking and I get awful thoughts in my head like "I enjoy being ill" I try to ignore it but it keeps popping into my mind. I've also become a vegetarian recently and I'm worried I'm doing it for attention whereas when I first became one I actually wanted to do it to help with healthy eating. I'm also afraid of talking about myself too much or not caring enough about other peoples problems (oh the irony of this post). My most recent fear is I'm a manipulative person, it's a long story but I have a friend who I like but she kept letting me down and I was starting to go off her for many reasons but the other day she mentioned she would do something for me (this post is already long I don't want to make it longer haha) and I said I'd go to the cinema with her and I'm beginning to want become close to her again but the thought that I'm using her keeps popping into my brain and that I don't actually like her and only want to be nice to her and spend time with her because of the favour she'll do for me, I have no intention of dropping her if she does the favour for me but argh I don't even want her to do it now because I don't want to seem like I'm just using her! I also keep thinking that what if she didn't offer the favour? Would I have wanted to spend more time with her? The thoughts are so convincing and I've got no clue what to do. I guess I'm looking for reassurance as that's helped me before in the past (temporarily).
I'm sorry if that post was really long but I'm really struggling with fighting my own thoughts and it's exhausting, I have no clue whether or not I'm a bad person and that really scares me.
Thank you so much if you read all of that, I really appreciate any advice given.