I'm so tireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed emotionally and physically . These past 5 months have been hell and it keeps going .

1. Had a horrible breakup after 7 year relationship
2. Came down with a horrible virus in nov that to this day is haunting me.
3 I have insomnia if I sleep it's light and waking up every hour . I feel so wrecked the next day
4. My anxiety has been so bad along with the stress that I had lost 28pounds in less than 2months
5 I went to get my blood work today and they told me my absolute Eosinophils at 4,296


My doctor told me it can mean an autoimmune disorder , parasites ( where would I get that in California ) , allergies ( never have I seen me being allergic to anything , and CANCER


Then he said maybe that's why I feel so fatigue and didnt more blood work and chest X-ray to see if my lungs are cleared

I feel so terrified I feel like my life is slipping right before my eyes. The only thing that keeps me pushing and going is my 4year old daughter. I even feel like such a failure to her. Sometimes I feel like I won't see her grow up.


I was excited I would be graduating from the university this year , but i don't see that happening anymore .


My insomnia is killing me and now I have weeks to worry to find out why my levels are so high . I try to be positive that whatever it is that's causing those levels is hopefully nothing sinister like cancer.

I feel so broken . I'm still fighting this virus , insomnia , anxiety , and depressions . What more can I battle

I just feel like giving up and ending this mess already . I broke down to my regular mD and told him I'm so tired of being sick and now this . HE WAS LIKE DONT WORRY I GOT YOUR BACK IM SURE ITS NOTHING BAD AND JUST THE VIRUS U HAVE CAUSING THIS "


He also put and urgent request for a SLEEP STUDY too figure out if I'm not sleeping due to something physical. I've tried sleep hygiene , Benadryl , trazadone , melatonin, and teas nothing helps but Ativan . I'm so scared of benzos


I'm sure my insomnia is all mental . How can beat insomnia when I have so much things going on causing me emotional turmoil


I'm so scared and terrified . I wonder what I did to deserve all of this .


I talk to my psychiatrist , sleep therapist , and they tried to re assure me . How am I suppose to pass my classes if I'm dealing with so much .


I don't want to live like this anymore