Feeling like a failure

[beatroon]

Urgh, so in the past few weeks, since the latest bout of depression, I've started feeling like such a failure. Logically, I know it's not true: I've succeeded professionally and have a great relationship, enough money, nice friends etc. But I can't seem to stop beating myself up for all the things I feel I *haven't* got. Which sounds so entitled and ridiculous I can barely manage to type it, I feel so guilty for feeling this way. But it's true that anxiety/depression held me back from achieving my goals for a good few years, and now I've got this sense of having missed out on stuff. Which is ridiculous.

I blame Facebook really! How does everybody else deal with these kinds of feelings, which I'm pretty sure are just one more way for depression to beat us up?

[Panicer]

Hi beatroon

I'd suggest getting rid of facebook, most people in my group therapy have done this. Constant photos of what a wonderful life everyone else is having just simply aren't true. We all have good and bad days, it's just people don't post the bad stuff.

It's also normal to beat ourselves up, not healthy maybe but very common unfortunately. There are quite a lot of things you can do to work on your self esteem which I have found helpful with my depression and anxiety, just try googling improve your self esteem. I've found group therapy particularly helpful for this, you could see if the NHS have a group in your area, speak to your GP they can refer you etc?

[beatroon]

Getting rid of Facebook is a brilliant idea, don't know why i've never taken it seriously before. I mean, I just sit there worrying about how all these people I haven't seen in ten years 'have it all' and it's ridiculous. Any or all of them could be absolutely bloody miserable and putting a brave face on - in fact I'm sure lots of them are!

Working on self-esteem also sounds really good. Have you got any particular resources or tips that you can share? Maybe group therapy would be a good idea for me too.

Thanks, Panicer, you've really cheered me up. That's why I love this site, there's always someone who understands.

[Panicer]

Hi beatroon I've PM'ed you some stuff that might help

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, making comparisons to others is often a mood hitter. I used to do too with people I saw when out, I'm not on things like Facebook because I never saw much point in then even before my anxiety.

I learnt not to compare. I listened to my dad's wisdom as a retired pensioner about positive thinking. He has always said it is better to be able to look back in old age and say you were happy with your lot than be chasing something to look back and find you weren't as it's a waste of life.

I don't think it's Facebook, that's just made it worse as it's a bit narcissistic with the people using it to bragg. It existed before, remember the phrase "keeping up with the Joneses?" Didn't the social changes of the 80's bring a lot of this status chasing? I've even seen books on status anxiety.

I wouldn't say I'm there with my learning but I've become less conscious of needing things and more open to being happy but with less. I would like to be one of those people who shrugs off those bragging about their success by giving off that self confidence & fulfillment, which tends to wind up any arrogant bragger types.

I think you underestimate yourself. Look at the great advice you are giving people who are struggling on here. In taking stock of the positives you have a a person, that compassion outweighs a whole career of status chasing to me. It shows a good person, someone who doesn't need to be paid to stop & help.

[beatroon]

Thanks so much Terry. I'll confess to having a little tear on reading your last paragraph. Kind words indeed.

I grew up in the 80s and was probably in quite a status-obsessed home, so I agree that these things definitely aren't new. Certainly I remember the culture as being quite materialistic at the time. Imagine if we'd had Facebook back then too (carnage!). However, what I feel is different is the primacy of image-based marketing - things like Instagram, where it's all about looking a certain way. I really feel for 'the young folk' today, there's such a lot of pressure to look good. Imagine if Bob Dylan had been born today - I like to think talent will out but perhaps he'd have been sidelined for being non-traditionally attractive.

Anyway, this is turning into a rant, but just to say that I appreciate your support and helpful posts very much too!