Hi everybody,
My story is a long one, so I'll make it as short as possible.
I'm 23 and English (so this may be alien to a lot of fellow Brits), and was raised in a very unimposing Christian home, where I felt very unthreatened regarding religious dogma, although I felt I was a Christian and stuck up for my beliefs when pushed by my atheist friends who wanted to get in a couple of digs.
I think because of this anti-God society we live in (not an attack - just an observation) along with my atheist friends, I was pushed to the extreme in defending my faith and ended up going from moderate Christianity to accepting fundamentalist Christianity. I felt as though I needed to to defend what I believed. In the end, I suppose if you want to defend the bible, you really have to know all the creation and theological arguments etc...
I joined the church and started to seriously read the bible for the first time. I was went in expecting to read about grace and mercy etc... but I was really shocked to read about the wrath of God, which paints God as unloving at times.
I've studied about the doctrines of eternal Hell and damnation, and now my 'relationship to God' is almost entirely based on fear and condemnation. My preconceptions about the bible being true and defending my faith, automatically got me to believe in Hell and all sorts of troubling dogmas in the Christian church today.
I spoke to some members in the church who defended Hell entirely and believe that the 'unsaved' should deserve to be punished forever, which, of course, I don't wish to believe.
Now I struggle with obsessions over Hell, eternal damnation and the unforgivable sin (a story for another time). I've believed myself into a right mess.
P.S. I don't consider myself unintelligent, despite the fundamentalist Christian stereotypes (I have a masters degree in classics). I think I'm just a guy who didn't realise the serious effect this stuff has on the mind.
Any advice from people who get anxiety and racing thoughts over these issues?
TheAnxiousEnglishman