Feeling hopeless - help and advice please!

[PixieP]

I'm fairly new on here but badly in need of advice as right now i'm feeling pretty hopeless.
I had bad GAD about 3 years ago for 6 months on various meds before venlafaxine worked for me. Came off altogether in July last year but a series of events has lead to the anxiety being back with a vengeance and I've been diagnosed with depression too (yay),
Velafaxine hasn't helped, mirtazapine helped for 6 weeks or so then stopped and a dose increase didn't help either so last week the gp gave me duloxetine. Well after 4 days on that I was barely able to function so I stopped.
I actually don't believe there is a med that can cure me as I know enough about acceptance of the condition etc to realise that recovery takes time and needs to come from within. However, right now I'm barely concentrating at work (unhappy in my job too but part of that is the negative thinking that comes with anxiety as I was able to cope with the stresses before) and I'm living every day like I'm teetering on the edge of a full on breakdown. I don't want to take time off work as that will mean just sitting at home being hyper aware of myself all day long. I did that last time and it was 6 weeks before I forced myself back and then another 5 months before I felt any better.
I'm seeing a cbt counsellor and practicing midfullness but acceptance is so hard, especially when I ovrcame this before and this time felt better for a few weeks on the mirt. Right now I just see my whole future as filled with anxious feelings all day every day. Apart from work, I've injured my foot wihcih means I can't attend my normal stress busting exercisd classes or even walk the dog. I feel like my friends have forgotten me (not true, we all have busy lives and never see or talk to each other every day and normally if I was feeling myself this wouldn't bother me) and I just feel hopeless and hate the way i feel. Also feel like I'm a let down to my husband and kids as on the surface I seem ok some days but inside I just want to give up.
Any help, advice etc would be appreciated.

[Annie0904]

I could have written this post myself as it is just how I am feeling but when we are anxious we don't think rationally and it is hard to see anything positive in life.
The only way I can see me getting through this 'blip' is knowing that I have done before. It seems to be lasting longer for me at the moment but I have had a lot of stressful events lately which doesn't help.
I think sometimes we just worry so much about the effect our anxiety is having on others (even if it isn't) that we forget to think about our selves and make time for our recovery. We WILL get there!

[MOchp]

It isn't your fault you have anxiety or depression. We don't choose these mental issues, we'd be pretty dumb if we did. One mistake you made though is stopping meds because they were helping. I know it can be tempting and I've been there myself to say, "Well my anxiety/depression is better now so I don't need these." It's not a good move though as I figured out as well. I've read that stopping and starting SSRIs and the like decreases their effectiveness a good bit. I've been on Effexor for years and my habit of missing dosages constantly screwed me over I'm pretty sure as it has lost a lot of effect and I had to get put on Zoloft and bring the Effexor dosage down. If it wasn't for the meds though, I don't think I could function normally at all. Even when my anxiety is bothering me, it's not near as bad as if I wasn't on them. Just keep working at it from every angle you can, therapy, meds, meditation and whatever else you can find to help you mentally that isn't bad for you. It seems like the tallest wall ever to climb over when looking at fighting your own mind, but it can and does get better.

[PixieP]

Thanks for the support. I honestly wish I hadn't come off the venlafaxine (effexor) lasr summer as it was working well for me but did so on the advice of my gp. I'm very sensitive to start up anxiety with the meds which is why i quit cymbalta after 4 days - it was truly unbearable.
I guess it's a case of trial and error now to find another drug that works to reduce the awful feelings - constant stste of agitation, loss of appetite, disturbed sleep and generally not coping well with life.I read a book where it said you will never get better until you stop trying but that's so much easier said than done!
Whoever said life was easy!?
I feel guilty feeling sorry for myself too as so many people are so much worse off than me. Basically I'm my own worst enemy!

[Annie0904]

I struggle with meds too. I was taking Dosulipin and it was working for me but NICE guidelines are telling doctors to get people of it now so I had to stop. Since then have tried Fluoxitine and Mertazipine both made me worse. I take propranolol which keeps the edge of the anxiety and doesn't give me side effects.

[MOchp]

I can relate on feeling guilty. I see horrible things happening to people on the news every day and it makes me feel bad about not appreciating just being alive. I do appreciate being alive of course, it's just rough to actually enjoy it when anxiety and depression are so relentless. It is a lot of trial and error with medications, some meds that are a miracle for one person won't do anything for the next person or make their anxiety/depression even worse. Regardless though, don't let other peoples problems minimize your own, because that definitely doesn't help you get better, it just makes you feel worse. We gotta fix ourselves first before we can worry about others.

[Bill]

I've been reading your other posts and what you're going through is similar to what I went through before I found ways to recover.

I think you're aware of the causes of your problems because you say you're unhappy in your job and you're finding it very stressful. The gp is prescribing various meds to try and help you but you're also seeing a cbt therapist etc.

My first thought is that when I was in my job and felt like you, when I tried meds they never had any lasting effect and the reason was because the underlying stress wasn't eased. It was kind of like trying to reduce the heat of a frying pan while the burner was full on.

I understand your fear that if you took time off work you'll be sitting at home with too much time to think and that could happen unless you produce a plan to combat it beforehand. My feeling though is while you continue working, the stress will continue to fuel your anxious state so you will find it difficult to combat it even with the help of meds. It's true they may find a med that will help to ease it but you'll still be doing a stressful job that you dislike. Therefore, what I did which might be worth contemplating for you too, is take time off work to ease the stress but use the time off work productively. What I'm saying is with the stress eased, you could then have the opportunity to practise what the cbt therapist is teaching you but what you could also do is look at adverts to see if there's any jobs around that you think you'll enjoy.

In my case, I took time off work, and when I didn't get any help and meds won't working, I worked through the issues myself and then when I felt able I started a new job which I found I really enjoyed. I didn't feel the stresses because of job satisfaction and so anxiety was kept at bay.

I must admit I'm a believer in if you find yourself in a situation where you know it's causing your anxiety then no matter how nervous you feel, the best way is to find ways to make changes in your life to ease those stresses because stress is a big underlying cause of anxiety. For instance, when we feel anxious, it creates symptoms and those symptoms make us worry causing more anxiety in a vicious cycle so the best way of stopping anxiety is to break the cycle by finding ways to ease the stresses.

I know it's not a quick fix but as you've found in the past it is possible to get better and with the right moves, you'll get better again so don't give up on hope.

One last tip is try not to focus on meds thinking to yourself this one is the cure or if not this one etc. The reason is it makes you anxious to find a quick fix but you need to try to avoid situations or thoughts that cause you stress at the moment. The meds may naturally ease the anxiety in their own course but instead of focusing on them, try to focus on enjoying yourself so if you do take time off work, think about doing a hobby or something you really enjoy doing or do things that keep your mind occupied because the best cure of anxiety is to distract yourself so much that you're enjoying yourself too much to think about it. When we ignore anxiety and it's symptoms, anxiety ignores us too so don't give it attention because it feeds off it by keeping anxious feelings alive and the cycle will keep going. Hope something in that helps you.