Health anxiety about kids

[supermom]

How do I deal with this? It's so depilitating and I don't know what to do. I'm always afraid that they are sick or have some illness. But I don't want to take them to the Dr and subject them to testing because I'm anxious.

How do I deal?

[Cakelady]

Hi, I wish I had an answer for you, I really do. I struggle here too I'm kinda hoping someone will post who can suggest a way forward. Sorry not much help xxx

[Mommyof2boys]

This is difficult for me as well. I have run my sons to the hospital more than a few times when I felt something was wrong. I have often smelled a sweet smell on their breath like the smell that a diabetic person gets when they're close to organ failure (or that condition they can get that is like that I can't remember what it's called) and had my oldest son get a blood test when it happened when he was a baby because it scared me. He was fine and they always have been. I think that not knowing what's wrong and them not being able to talk makes it all more difficult. People say to follow your mommy instincts but mine are way too fine tuned. But my rule is kind of this: fever below 102, behavior generally the same, breathing alright, not overly lethargic, still accepting fluids and (if they're not throwing up) food, not bleeding uncontrollably and haven't had any severe or moderate head trauma then they are fine. Waiting and watching is what I do with odd symptoms they have. Skin issues I may take them to their doctor (it's usually eczema or mollusca contagiosum, both very common). I did just have my oldest tested for allergies because he is keeping colds and we now live with a cat so I didn't know if it could be a cat allergy but I wish I hadn't because he wasn't allergic to anything and it traumatised him. He had an extremely painful earache a couple days ago and didn't hesitate at all in that situation to take him to a doctor. I guess it all really depends. It's so hard to be level headed about our kids though.

[GlassPinata]

I too struggle with this. I used to take my kids to Urgent Care for things that I now know could've been more appropriately dealt with by waiting until the next day and making an appointment with the pediatrician, such as a high fever (over 102, which it turns out is fairly common and not really dangerous in children with upper respiratory infections) or a bug bite that looked infected (I suspected it was a poison spider bite, or a MRSA infection; it was simply a mosquito bite that had been over-scratched).

Now that I'm a single mom, and uninsured myself- although my one child who is still at home has medical insurance- I simply do not take him to the doctor as frequently. This is because I can't afford to miss work unless I really have to, and also even though he is insured, it is difficult for me to afford the copayments for doctor visits.
Certainly I will take him if something is really wrong, but I've come to take a much more "wait and see" approach than I did with my older two. In a healthy child, most minor illnesses and injuries clear up on their own.
This does not, of course, stop me from catastrophizing... but that's my problem, and I try to keep it in my own head and not let it affect him.
I also remind myself of two other things:

1. Doctor's offices and especially Urgent Care clinics and Emergency Rooms are full of sick people and germs. If my child is only mildly ill, do I really want to expose him to the risk of becoming more seriously ill by taking him to one of those places?

2. From when my grown kids were small, I remember how infrequently the doctor actually did anything, other than reassure me.
Bump on the head? Monitor for concussion, watch and wait.
Viral infection? Fluids and rest, watch and wait.
Stomach ache? Watch and wait.
Unless I suspect my son has strep, I tend not to take him for a sore throat; it's always viral, and they will not give antibiotics for it. It will invariably clear up in two or three days, without treatment. At this point, I no longer require a doctor to tell me this, as I already know it from experience.

One thing that many doctors have told me over the years is that if a child is acting well, he probably is well, or at least in no great danger. Even a child with a relatively high fever who is still running about and playing with toys is probably not in any immediate or life-threatening danger. It is probably a virus and will run its course; the doctor has no medication to make it go away any faster.

Another thing that has helped me is to realize that children's Ibuprofen and Acetaminophin are fever reducers, not fever eliminators. They will knock an elevated temperature down a few degrees, but may not get rid of it entirely. It used to panic me when one of my kids had a fever and Tylenol wasn't bringing it down to normal, although it would bring it down a few degrees. But the thing is, Tylenol doesn't claim to be able to eliminate a fever. It only claims to be able to reduce it, and as long as it's doing that, there's probably nothing too serious going on.

Although watching and waiting is difficult when your precious child's health could be at risk (or at least this is what your anxiety disorder is telling you), the alternative is subjecting your child to unnecessary invasive testing, and that I will NOT do (although in the past I have subjected myself to unnecessary invasive testing simply in order to relieve my anxiety).

We'd all love to have a 100% guarantee that our children are completely healthy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, no threats to their health at all.
But the only way to have such a guarantee would be constant medical testing and monitoring, and that is no way to raise a child.
Instead, we must trust our children: children who look and act healthy generally are healthy. The end.
We certainly can't trust our own instincts on the matter, since health anxiety causes our instincts to go awry. So we must trust our children.

Best wishes to all the worried parents out there.

[supermom]

Thank you guys for the advice.

And while I know that no one can diagnose and I'm not asking anyone too, I'm going to say what is going on in my head and maybe if I verbalize it I'll feel better.

I have convinced myself that my DD lips don't look very pink. They aren't purple but they just don't look like a bright pink color. And it's not all the time and I think I really only notice it in my own home the most. She is behaving normally and her hands and feet are pink all the time.

So this morning she had a banana, some deli meat and water. Now the meat is out of the fridge so it's cold. The water was from the fridge dispenser so it's cold. Then we went to the bus stop and it's freezing out. Also my house in the the high 60's. So when we got inside I noticed her lips were Not pink and her upper lip is lighter than her bottom. So I as usual freak out but I try to supress my anxiety and I run my errands and so on. We get home and we nurse and she pinks right up, and she is still pink. Also if I put chapstick on her they pink right up.

So more on this. When my sister was a baby she had a heart condition that when undiagnosed for 2 months. She's fine and healthy now. So am I overidentifying with the fact that someone close to me had something serious? I guess I'm trying to say is that lets say I do bring her in, and chances are she's perfectly fine, I will be angry with myself that I let my anxiety win me over. Does that make sense? I don't want to have her suffer bc of me.

IDK I know this is all jumbled. I've been on this anxiety loop for like a month now where last week I thought I had a brain tumor. I feel like I"m cycling through triggers just so that I can stay in this hightened state.

I hate this,

[GlassPinata]

Thank you guys for the advice.

And while I know that no one can diagnose and I'm not asking anyone too, I'm going to say what is going on in my head and maybe if I verbalize it I'll feel better.

I have convinced myself that my DD lips don't look very pink. They aren't purple but they just don't look like a bright pink color. And it's not all the time and I think I really only notice it in my own home the most. She is behaving normally and her hands and feet are pink all the time.

So this morning she had a banana, some deli meat and water. Now the meat is out of the fridge so it's cold. The water was from the fridge dispenser so it's cold. Then we went to the bus stop and it's freezing out. Also my house in the the high 60's. So when we got inside I noticed her lips were Not pink and her upper lip is lighter than her bottom. So I as usual freak out but I try to supress my anxiety and I run my errands and so on. We get home and we nurse and she pinks right up, and she is still pink. Also if I put chapstick on her they pink right up.

So more on this. When my sister was a baby she had a heart condition that when undiagnosed for 2 months. She's fine and healthy now. So am I overidentifying with the fact that someone close to me had something serious? I guess I'm trying to say is that lets say I do bring her in, and chances are she's perfectly fine, I will be angry with myself that I let my anxiety win me over. Does that make sense? I don't want to have her suffer bc of me.

IDK I know this is all jumbled. I've been on this anxiety loop for like a month now where last week I thought I had a brain tumor. I feel like I"m cycling through triggers just so that I can stay in this hightened state.

I hate this,

I had this exact- EXACT- same anxiety about my son, when he was a year old (he's 4 now).
We were riding in the car on a cold day, and I noticed his lips were very pale, and not very pink. Almost purplish.
My mind immediately went to heart problems, lung problems.... some serious problem, anyway, that would affect his circulation or oxygen intake.
Needless to say, nothing was wrong and he is 100% fine and healthy.
When small children get cold, or even cool, their lips appear less pink (my dad says mine used to turn blue when I'd swim in the cold lake near our house).

A child with a serious heart issue would have other symptoms. He would seem unwell. He would not be acting perfectly normal but just going around with purple lips.
Also, if a child's purple lips indicated something serious, they would not "pink up" sometimes. They would stay purple, and get worse.

It's funny, though, that you and I had the exact same fear.
Your child is fine.

Best wishes.

[supermom]

I know all that. I mean the question is are they really blue or do I think they look blue. Sometimes I feel like I can't tell.

[Libra96]

Hi, I'm not a parent but I have health anxiety and it does spread to my loved ones as well. I'm always worrying about symptoms my parents and brother have, actually it's kinda worse when it's them because there's not much I can do about it. I don't really much advice as I experience similar things myself! But why I would say is you are definitely not alone and just remember that this is anxiety and learn to enjoy life as it's not fun to continually worry about medical conditions

[GlassPinata]

I know all that. I mean the question is are they really blue or do I think they look blue. Sometimes I feel like I can't tell.

They might've really been pale/purplish/blue/whatever.
The trick for those of us with health anxiety is putting that fact into context.
If your child is chilly, but is acting fine, and her lips look a funny color... it's probably only because she is cold.

When my little boy was two, he ate so many pureed carrots that his skin- especially around his nose- turned a yellowish/orange color. A relative pointed this out to me, and raised a concern about liver disease.
Of course I freaked out and took him to the doctor... the doctor said it was a side effect of eating too much beta-carotene, and was not dangerous.
He said if it were from liver disease, the whites of his eyes would be yellow also.
Well, I cut back on his carrots, and while I was waiting for the orange color to fade from his skin (it took a few weeks), I became obsessed with whether the whites of his eyes were turning yellow. I literally lost my ability to make a rational, objective judgement on this matter. If I stared at them long enough, they did seem to turn yellower. It was awful. Everyone reassured me that the whites of his eyes were perfectly white, but I was unable to see it, unable to trust my judgement on it at all.
Finally his skin went back to normal color, just as the doctor said it would, and I quit worrying about liver disease.
But yes, i understand how it is hard to be objective about a frightening symptom.

Best wishes.

[Cakelady]

Oh goodness GlassPinata that's how I am just now, its complete torment:( xx