Constant feeling of anxiety

[ChildOfTheKing]

Hello, I apologise as I know I've been posting a few threads but this is all fairly new to me. For weeks and I'd say months I have a constant feeling of anxiety. It started off with a health anxiety kick which sent me into getting multiple tests only to find that I am experiencing anxiety. I have recently accepted that all the things I diagnosed myself with are not true and that I have anxiety. But now it's like I can never turn the anxiety off, from when I wake up to when I sleep.

I have a lot of tension, tightness in chest and stomach, breathlessness, dizziness, sometimes get chest pains and PVCs, brain fog, heart rate picks up or pounds, tight throat and trouble swallowing, etc.

This morning was particularly bad as I woke up nauseous and had a chesty barking cough (happens some mornings as I have allergies and reflux) along with the usual anxiety from deep in the pit. I tried to ignore it and ate breakfast which admittedly consisted of far too much grape juice. My food would keep coming up and I'd try not to vomit but ultimately I couldn't hold it anymore and ran to the bathroom to spew. This doesn't help with my swallowing and throat tightness troubles lately obviously and I began having an irrational fear that I'd aspirate my vomit. I went to the gym afterward but have still felt completely foul.

Every day I wake up anxious and usually it's not bad to the point I had this morning but it's still an awful feeling and really sets the tone for the day. Ive been doing more activities like working out (staying an hour on the treadmill and still convincing myself I can't breathe, how crazy?), going out a little more (was out on the town with sister yesterday), trying to do activities I used to do before anxiety reared its ugly head. Today I picked up my guitar for the first time in months and was playing and singing yet still felt breathless and tense and my heart wasn't in it. Throughout all these activities I still feel constant anxiety even tho I try to ignore it. It's terrible and I just want to hide.

I know it's going to be a process it's just absolutely frustrating and disheartening sometimes and I wish there was an off switch for the anxiety part of my brain. I've tried medications but felt ten times worse, may give them a try again if need be. I have just started counseling and had my first session this past week so hoping that bears good fruit.

I know it's frustrating for my family as well because I'm not how I used to be. My mom says to just snap out of it and say no to it, I wish I could just snap out and be okay. Unfortunately anxiety feeds on itself and that's what's happening here and I'm still figuring out how to starve it. Ultimately I've become my own worst enemy in this as I'm stumped. I wish someone close to me understood more but then again I wouldn't wish for someone to have this feeling ever, especially my family.

I guess I just want to ask for pointers because I desperately want to feel okay again. I'd had the occasional panic attack before it became constant anxiety and was still able to pretty much function, be productive, enjoy life. These last 3 months have been torture.

[braindead]

See gp for MEDS, Anxiety leads to depression so the sooner you start treatment the better, maybe your anxiety can be controlled by CBT, i started with chronic anxiety that anxiety attacks has well had panic attacks

[beatroon]

Hi there,

It sounds like you are actually making really good progress! From the first post of yours that I saw, in which you were having lots of tests, you have made a great stride and understood the true nature of your problem, which is that it's anxiety. At that point, IIRC, you were also really scared of exerting and had convinced yourself you couldn't breathe, and now you are going out on the town with your sister and going to the gym!

I make these points because when you're in the pits of anxiety it can be really hard to track your own progress - sometimes it's easier for someone else to see it. So, although I know you must feel awful still, from an outsider's perspective, the situation has improved.

I wanted to reassure you that the pattern of morning anxiety is very common indeed - many of us on here have remarked upon it. When mine was bad, I also had trouble keeping food down in the mornings, so you're not alone with that. Maybe it's helpful just to know that you are in good (if anxious!) company on these boards, so that even if there aren't people around you in real, physical life that have been in this situation, we understand!

It may be that a trip back to the GP is in order. It's common for medication to increase anxiety in the first few weeks, but they may consider prescribing a benzodiazepine for two weeks to help manage this until the tablets kick in. You don't have to consider medication in the long term, it might be just a short-term solution to help you get back on your feet. Or you may prefer to carry on as you have been doing - it's up to you.

I think the best advice I've had on managing anxiety is to stop trying to manage it. Obviously you have to keep behaving 'as if', and try to resume your normal activities, but stop with all the Type-A (in my case!) perfectionism about wondering when you will be better and wanting to recover quickest and get back to normal NOW - this just adds a meta-layer of worry around worry itself. Try to aim for a balance of ordinary responsibilities and good self-care (therapy, regular exercise, in bed by 11pm, breathing exercises, relaxing pursuits that you enjoy) and just let it ride. I know this is incredibly hard to do when your whole body is telling you to fight or flee, but you will get there.

Keep posting on here and let us know how you get on! We're all rooting for you!

[ChildOfTheKing]

See gp for MEDS, Anxiety leads to depression so the sooner you start treatment the better, maybe your anxiety can be controlled by CBT, i started with chronic anxiety that anxiety attacks has well had panic attacks

My doctor did prescribe Cymbalta the last time I went, just haven't tried it yet as he said wait a few couple weeks for the stomach meds to kick in. I'm on Nexium in the morning and Zantac at night as prescribed but I think it's a bit much on the stomach. That and I'm on allergy medication.

---------- Post added at 08:42 ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 ----------

Hi there,

It sounds like you are actually making really good progress! From the first post of yours that I saw, in which you were having lots of tests, you have made a great stride and understood the true nature of your problem, which is that it's anxiety. At that point, IIRC, you were also really scared of exerting and had convinced yourself you couldn't breathe, and now you are going out on the town with your sister and going to the gym!

I make these points because when you're in the pits of anxiety it can be really hard to track your own progress - sometimes it's easier for someone else to see it. So, although I know you must feel awful still, from an outsider's perspective, the situation has improved.

I wanted to reassure you that the pattern of morning anxiety is very common indeed - many of us on here have remarked upon it. When mine was bad, I also had trouble keeping food down in the mornings, so you're not alone with that. Maybe it's helpful just to know that you are in good (if anxious!) company on these boards, so that even if there aren't people around you in real, physical life that have been in this situation, we understand!

It may be that a trip back to the GP is in order. It's common for medication to increase anxiety in the first few weeks, but they may consider prescribing a benzodiazepine for two weeks to help manage this until the tablets kick in. You don't have to consider medication in the long term, it might be just a short-term solution to help you get back on your feet. Or you may prefer to carry on as you have been doing - it's up to you.

I think the best advice I've had on managing anxiety is to stop trying to manage it. Obviously you have to keep behaving 'as if', and try to resume your normal activities, but stop with all the Type-A (in my case!) perfectionism about wondering when you will be better and wanting to recover quickest and get back to normal NOW - this just adds a meta-layer of worry around worry itself. Try to aim for a balance of ordinary responsibilities and good self-care (therapy, regular exercise, in bed by 11pm, breathing exercises, relaxing pursuits that you enjoy) and just let it ride. I know this is incredibly hard to do when your whole body is telling you to fight or flee, but you will get there.

Keep posting on here and let us know how you get on! We're all rooting for you!

I appreciate your kindness. Yes I'm doing a little more activities at a time, yet for some reason I focus so much on my breathing thinking I can't breathe or that I have to manually breathe. That might be the most horrendous feeling of all along with the nausea, which again I woke up with this morning. Bit afraid to eat. Also woke up anxious... again. The symptoms suck because then I get convinced something is very wrong. "Oh my God it's a heart problem, heart attack, blood clot, etc etc."

I do have that perfectionism personality where I want to be back to normal already. It's so exhausting for me right now. And I know it's emotionally taxing on my family who wonder why can't I just be normal. The conversation with my mom yesterday completely crushed me as I felt maybe I'm not doing enough.

It's a nightmare right now but I need to keep the faith and posting on this board where others understand helps me realize I'm not alone. At the same time I feel selfish because there's people in my life going through debilitating illnesses. My grandpa's cancer has come back for the third time and he will be going for surgery this week along with treatment afterward. So that's been on my mind a lot as well.

Ugh my stomach hurts.

[beatroon]

It's definitely not that you're not doing enough. You are doing all you're capable of at the moment and nobody can or should be asking more of you. These things just take time, like any other illness. Telling people to 'snap out of it' is really unhelpful behaviour - I am sure your family means well but it ranks on the list of 10 least useful things to say to an anxious person.

Perfectionism and anxiety are best friends. I believe we are prone to wanting everything to be 100% all the time and worrying when it isn't - the most helpful thing anyone has ever said to me is to aim for 60% instead. Perfectionism also leads us to overestimate the amount of control we have over our lives - so, when other events like family illnesses come up, it freaks us out and we try to control everything even more, hence the anxiety. It's good to want good results, but that passion becomes counter-productive after a while.

And if you can let the feeling-selfish thing go too, that would help you. You aren't choosing to be in this frame of mind, and it isn't because you are weak. Whilst it's true that anxiety can make us self-focused, that's because we feel like we're overwhelmed and drowning and it's all hands on deck to save ourselves. I bet your therapist can help you sort through some of what has been making you feel overwhelmed in the first place.

Calming breaths and cheerful thoughts!

[ChildOfTheKing]

It's definitely not that you're not doing enough. You are doing all you're capable of at the moment and nobody can or should be asking more of you. These things just take time, like any other illness. Telling people to 'snap out of it' is really unhelpful behaviour - I am sure your family means well but it ranks on the list of 10 least useful things to say to an anxious person.

Perfectionism and anxiety are best friends. I believe we are prone to wanting everything to be 100% all the time and worrying when it isn't - the most helpful thing anyone has ever said to me is to aim for 60% instead. Perfectionism also leads us to overestimate the amount of control we have over our lives - so, when other events like family illnesses come up, it freaks us out and we try to control everything even more, hence the anxiety. It's good to want good results, but that passion becomes counter-productive after a while.

And if you can let the feeling-selfish thing go too, that would help you. You aren't choosing to be in this frame of mind, and it isn't because you are weak. Whilst it's true that anxiety can make us self-focused, that's because we feel like we're overwhelmed and drowning and it's all hands on deck to save ourselves. I bet your therapist can help you sort through some of what has been making you feel overwhelmed in the first place.

Calming breaths and cheerful thoughts!

Thank you and my family does mean well it's just not helpful. So I'm glad to be a part of this forum as I work through this.

This morning I was able to hold down food though still feel yucky. I helped clean the house and am now on my way to go out with my sister again. Feeling a little more on edge than usual as we are headed to places that are crowded but it's the only way I'll ever get over it.

My therapist already pinpointed that I'm a perfectionist. That and I have a hard time with loss of control, death, and loss in general. I also think too much on what others are thinking of me.

And now here I am concentrating way too much on my breathing and thinking I can't breathe! Lol.

[Panicer]

Hi ChildOfTheKing

Your story sounds very like my own journey so far with anxiety. I also get myself into a horrible loop thinking about breathing and unfortunately a lot of CBT relies on breathing techniques. The only thing that really works for me when I get like that is trying to distract. Cleaning as you mentioned is funnily enough my go to when breathing anxiety strikes and if nothing else your Mom will be pleased with a cleaner house and maybe cut you a bit of slack.

Meds can help I've been told but so far they've not done much for me but it's still early days. I've had a load of therapy and it does help but I'm not quite there yet. As beatroon said, go easy on yourself, you're doing really well and should be proud of yourself

[MswhydoIthinkthis]

Hi, I have to agree... you are making great strides!
I'm anxious at night especially, I've found distraction is the best thing. If you've got one or two friends to text or call just to take you mind off the breathing would be helpful.
I am always worried about my heart and even in my Zumba class where I'm at my max heart rate I'm worried I'll just drop dead. When the music starts, my head turns off.
It'll take time, don't discount meds for short term relief until you adjust to your new routine.
Keep going strong and before you know it you'll be looking back on all this like "wow, look what I've gotten through!"

[ChildOfTheKing]

Thank you all, it's easy to get discouraged when I still feel all these constant symptoms like dizziness and shortness of breath. I did go out again yesterday & it was very crowded so I was panicky but settled in a little better. Had a panic attack before I went to bed but it didn't last too long.

When I went to sleep I had a dream I was being choked and punched in the stomach and I woke up and now my stomach and chest hurt and I feel I can't breathe. I know it's because of my anxiety, still sucks tho.

[snowghost57]

I can relate to your anxiety and stomach upset. The morning is when my feelings and anxiety are the highest. I tried Zoloft 25 for 19 days and the last 3 were awful, feeling like a slug. So I cut them back last night and I feel a lot better today. Like everyone says take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up. You have to find what works for you. It is a process to healing.