Severe anxiety re: getting a dog

[Abalar]

My anxiety and depression were at their worst 2 years ago when my mother and sister died within 2 months of each other. My children wanted a dog at that time, and I thought it would be a good idea and perhaps would help me feel better. After 3 times of going to a shelter and then a breeder to select a dog/puppy, I was overcome with anxiety and backed out each time. The predominant feeling was intense fear. Mind you, I like dogs and owned one before I had children. So I know something about this. But the idea of getting a dog and all the work and training involved overwhelmed me. My kids were very disappointed, especially since I took them to the shelter with me and told them we were definitely getting a dog, but they recovered.

Fast forward to the present day, 2 years later. I felt I was ready now to get a puppy, off medications for a year, and feeling more like myself. But the moment I spoke to a breeder, simply to get info, all the symptoms came rushing back. Intense fear, feelings of being overwhelmed, crying, shortness of breath. I don't understand why I keep revisiting this subject when I know I end up in panic about it. It's become an obsession with me, and I feel I MUST do it, I don't know why. My kids don't even know I've been reconsidering. My husband wants a dog but admits he would be no help in looking after it because of his extremely long work days. I don't want a change in my life, I don't want more responsibility, but yet I do not want this to conquer me. I am a good mother, but I feel like a terrible disappointment of a mother at the same time because I am depriving my kids of the joy of a dog! I obsess over this every day, fear of doing it, fear of NOT doing it.

Of all the things I was depressed and anxious about since the death of my mom and sister, this is the only one that has lingered. I don't even know what to ask, I feel so foolish...

[braindead]

Getting a pup is extremely hard work , you will have anxiety coming out your ears, but if you get through the first 6 months its great i have a dog and the wife has her lap dog. if you can walk it 5 miles a day your sound

[Buster70]

Hi there I lost my dog last year in pretty bad circumstances and it hit me hard , I said at the time I couldn't go through it again and didn't want another dog but my partner pushed and it made me more anxious , eventually she just got one and it did stress me out it its worth it , at my worst 5 years ago I couldn't leave the house for while but it was the dogs that pushed me to go out and it's them that still keep me getting up and out on the bad days , there are a lot more positives than negatives and it more likely just the change you fear , if it were left to us we wouldn't take any chances , they can be a pain in the butt , bug I say go for it , my kids are grown up so it fills the void , take care .see below for a positive

[up a ladder]

Hi there I lost my dog last year in pretty bad circumstances and it hit me hard , I said at the time I couldn't go through it again and didn't want another dog but my partner pushed and it made me more anxious , eventually she just got one and it did stress me out it its worth it , at my worst 5 years ago I couldn't leave the house for while but it was the dogs that pushed me to go out and it's them that still keep me getting up and out on the bad days , there are a lot more positives than negatives and it more likely just the change you fear , if it were left to us we wouldn't take any chances , they can be a pain in the butt , bug I say go for it , my kids are grown up so it fills the void , take care .see below for a positive

I agree. To be honest, I would be lost without my two boys (Milo and Hugo). When I feel at my worse, they are always a distraction and reason to go out.

[MyNameIsTerry]

This is a common anxiety trigger for us. I've been though it myself.

There are lots of threads about it and one long one is this:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthr...ighlight=puppy

These threads are really useful because you will see just how many of us have been through the same problems but stuck it out and emerged the other side with a loving friend we wouldn't be without.

Here's another one I remember:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthr...ighlight=puppy

[Bigboyuk]

Hi Abalar think you have made a very sound judgement. While its great owning a dog a puppy is extremely hard work many things it has to be trained in much more than potty training I can assure you on this as I have now 10 year old Staffy Bull Terrier got her as 8 week old pup boy was it hard now I have a beautiful well adjusted dog but it was damn hard work. So well done on your decision Cheers

[Abalar]

Thank you, everyone. Yes, it's certainly the "puppy aspect" of owning a dog that sends me into a tailspin. I remember training my last dog, and that first year was so time-consuming and stressful. Yet I'm not comfortable bringing a grown dog into my house with my children, so adopting an adult dog is out.

Anyway, I appreciate all the replies. I'm feeling a bit better today.

[Bigboyuk]

Thank you, everyone. Yes, it's certainly the "puppy aspect" of owning a dog that sends me into a tailspin. I remember training my last dog, and that first year was so time-consuming and stressful. Yet I'm not comfortable bringing a grown dog into my house with my children, so adopting an adult dog is out.

Anyway, I appreciate all the replies. I'm feeling a bit better today.

I can understand your concerns about a adult dog and children but there are some nice ones that probably due to their owners death (like a old person)
that have been trained and well looked after and will get on with children, it's up to you of course, but don't dismiss it altogether Cheers

[wubu]

Also remember that if you get one, you don't need to become a slave to your dog. I have a dog from working stock and she had so much energy as a puppy I would stress like hell and put my routine behind me and it made me so panicked and anxious as it was like having a toddler again. After I put myself first and got back to my daily routine I felt more in control. I'd let her out for her morning wee, I'd make coffee, read the news while rolling a ball for her and letting her play before she had breakfast etc.

As her parents were gun dogs it was a breeze to train her as she had the instinct that she wanted to please and wanted loads of affection. Despite it being a pain sometimes, she has made the best dog I've ever had and I'm so glad I stuck with it. She's helped with my anxiety also.