Hello everyone! :)
Hi everyone
My name is Kelly and i'm 24. I currently suffer with anxiety and mild depression which I think has stemmed from loosing my Grandmother in Dec 2016.
I joined the forum as a way of support and a reminder that people can get better from Anxiety, Depression and OCD - I suffer from all three. I love reading people success stories - it motivates me and I feel so proud of the human race for beating mental issues
_________________________________________________
I have always been an anxious person and I 100% believe every human has a bit of anxiety in them - it's natural. Mine started when I was about 14, in School. I would panic about using public bathrooms, about exams etc. This all got progressively worse all the way up to current day. I've had to take a year out of university to basically sort myself out. I honestly think it all went downhill when my Grandma passed in December of 2016.
My Grandma practically brought me up with my Mam - there was never a day in my life that I didn't see her. She also lived with me for half a year before her passing. Her room still smells of her even today. So at first, when she passed, I was in shock and couldn't process it. Fast forward to February - my first major panic attack. I was in York for Valentines Day when I drove home at 4am due to having a serious attack (I shouldn't have drove tbf) but I just wanted my Mam. The attack started by obsessing over my health (I was going through tests for my ovaries at the time). By then, I was sure I had OCD - the type where you fixate on something all day everyday.
Then they came in waves - I experienced several panic attacks over the course of 4 days. It was terrifying, I was so scared and I couldn't understand them. THEN, the thoughts started. The thoughts that I didn't want, that absolutely scared me to death.
The "Death" thoughts I called them. First it was about what life would be like when I'm not here - then along came the "what ifs" What if I died? What if my brain went so haywire that I committed suicide?! Well that was it - I was in an utter state of panic, all day, all night. I tried to talk to myself logically - I have never, EVER wanted to kill myself, let alone die. My life is great on the face of it so WHY am I having these thoughts? A bit of research led me to believe they were called "intrusive thoughts" that more than likely have stemmed from loosing my Grandma - she is the first person in my life who I've lost that I was so SO close with. I knew I wouldn't die or kill myself because the thought of it petrified me so that's some consolation.
And here we are
I'm currently on a waiting list for telephone CBT with Talking Changes and I take mitazipan (no idea if that's spelt right lol) and a slow releasing propranolol for my anxiety - neither that I think are working :/
ANYWAY, that's all about me
Reply With Quote
