Help! Abruptly stopping citalopram.

[Amethyst-moon]

I was on 20mg citalopram I've been on these for about a year after previously being on sertraline. I take for Gad, panic disorder and depression which is usually caused by my anxiety. I dont like taking medication as I feel like I loose myself. I feel doped up and disconnected from my emotions. That and I would like to be without. I have these momemts where ive just had enough and I think im feeling better and I don't need to be Dependant on medication.
I have previously come off citalopram before I ran out of my 20mg and so started taking my 10mg that I had before and then eventually just stopped but I ended up going through a difficult patch in my life and having to go back on them. This was around the end of June last year I've been back on 20mg with the doctors advice. I did have side effects for a a while again when going back on before but was a longer gap. A few months. Nausea increased anxiety etc.
So I made the ridiculous decision in moment of stupidity to stop taking citalopram about 2 weeks ago. I'd also started a new job (yeah I know I'm an idiot) but its because I was on a high I felt great I thought things were looking up. I was all fine and dandy until a couple of days ago on Tuesday my anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. I was shaking, couldnt eat, felt sick and I began worrying about everything under the sun again, every tiny thing im over thinking and making myself ill, couldn't focus, couldnt sleep etc.
concerned for the effects on my new job I took 10mg on Tuesday night and 20mg last night. I'm feeling really nauseas again and have terrible dry mouth and heart burn. I'm.concerned they will take a long time to kick in again and that the side effects will last forever again. This is the last thing I need right now :( im concerned wether I've done the right thing by going back on them and wether I could potentially make myself worse and that they may not work the same? Has anyone else done this before and how did you find it? I kind of dont want to see my doctor because he will be annoyed at me for stopping so abruptly and without his help again :(

Thanks Amey

[panic_down_under]

I dont like taking medication as I feel like I loose myself. I feel doped up and disconnected from my emotions.

Welcome to No More Panic, Amey.

I suspect the "doped up and disconnected" feelings are more a perception than reality, however, I think you need to discuss this with your doctor as switching to another antidepressant may resolve the issues. They are not the norm.

I have these momemts where ive just had enough and I think im feeling better and I don't need to be Dependant on medication.

Unfortunately, for some of us anxiety disorders and/or depression are chronic conditions which wax and wane, but never completely go away. If you don't want to take antidepressants then ask your doctor about CBT. I understand most NHS trusts offer CBT sessions.

im concerned wether I've done the right thing by going back on them and wether I could potentially make myself worse and that they may not work the same?

There is growing evidence antidepressants become progressively less effective every time they are stopped and restarted, often requiring higher doses to achieve the previous level of control. They may also produce more severe, and/or different, initial side-effects. Two studies, Amsterdam JD, 2016 and Amsterdam, 2009 found the likelihood of antidepressants working after each restart drops by between 19-25% (see also: Amsterdam JD, 2009; Leykin Y, 2007). This applies whether returning to a previously taken antidepressant or a different one. So given your history you probably should seriously consider staying on antidepressants permanently.

I kind of dont want to see my doctor because he will be annoyed at me for stopping so abruptly and without his help again

He will no doubt get over his disappointment. But he will be right about you quitting citalopram 'cold-turkey'! That was very unwise. You seem to have escaped unharmed, but may not be so lucky the next time

[Amethyst-moon]

Welcome to No More Panic, Amey.

Thankyou for your reply and welcoming me! wish I had known about this forum before! it's great to talk to people who understand, makes me feel less alone.

suspect the "doped up and disconnected" feelings are more a perception than reality, however, I think you need to discuss this with your doctor as switching to another antidepressant may resolve the issues. They are not the norm.

Yes maybe I haven't found the right medication yet, when I'm feeling a little more stable again and have the courage to go the doctors I will definitely go and have a chat with my doctor. As I said I was previously on sertraline and this did not work for me as eventually it increased my suicidal thoughts and made me very manic.

for some of us anxiety disorders and/or depression are chronic conditions which wax and wane, but never completely go away. If you don't want to take antidepressants then ask your doctor about CBT. I understand most NHS trusts offer CBT sessions.

I have tried CBT before as it was recommended for me and I personally didn't take to it but I probably never gave it a proper chance. I think it might of been the specific person I saw that put me off though. I don't know. The way they plonked everything into categories I was just like what..it doesn't work like this. Problem is I got anxious about going as well and the guy spoke to me like I was special or something. They used to send me loads of stuff to fill out at home as well and with how I was at the time I just didn't want to do it.

there is growing evidence antidepressants become progressively less effective every time they are stopped and restarted, often requiring higher doses to achieve the previous level of control. They may also produce more severe, and/or different, initial side-effects.This applies whether returning to a previously taken antidepressant or a different one. So given your history you probably should seriously consider staying on antidepressants permanently.

Yes I think I may have to accept this as well. I need to realise there is nothing wrong with it and I would rather feel well than anxious and depressed. This week has been hell.
I've been back on them for a week now and nausea is starting to fade appetite is coming back. Im feeling better than I was! Still will be a while until I am back to 'myself' but the anxiety is not effecting me as badly as it was at all, I am definitely having more positive moments too.

He will no doubt get over his disappointment. But he will be right about you quitting citalopram 'cold-turkey'! That was very unwise. You seem to have escaped unharmed, but may not be so lucky the next time

Yes you are right there, This past week has been tough. Trying to get through a new job acting like everything is fine and inside I feel like I am dying. Coming home and crying and feeling worthless and I no longer want to be here but Ive remained strong and my other half has been by my side the whole time. I forget what a big part my medication plays and I shouldn't be ashamed at having that little bit of help to get me by.

Thanks Amey

[panic_down_under]

it's great to talk to people who understand, makes me feel less alone.

You're far from alone, Amey. About 20% of the population will develop an anxiety and/or depressive disorder sometime during their lives. You almost certainly know several people with one of these disorders.

Yes I think I may have to accept this as well. I need to realise there is nothing wrong with it and I would rather feel well than anxious and depressed.

Yep, life is too short to be regularly wasting time starting, or stopping meds. There is little evidence they cause harm in the long term and some that they can reduce the risk of heart attacks, dementia, and some cancers.

I've been taking antidepressants pretty much continually for 30 years and my brain hasn't turned to custard yet. Some of the other medication I've begun to need since becoming an Old Fart cause me far more problems than antidepressants ever have.