Have become obsessive about checking breasts

[CharmaineD]

Hi, my anxiety did not really ever extend to healthy anxiety but this all changed last year when a large mole I had forever got the attention of my doctor as it had started to change colour. Long story short I spent two months from doctor to dermatologist to surgeon and it ended up being removed as in-situ melanoma. Now I know I am lucky as that is not even considered a proper cancer in the real term and they removed all with clear margins. However just the fact that I had this on me without even knowing it could become potentially dangerous got me all paranoid.
My newest thing is now breast cancer. I am in my mid 40s with no risk factors and the protocol here is to only do mammograms late 40s or after 50 unless doctor picks up on something. So about two months ago I decide to do my self exam and feel my left breast feels tender. I also just started excercising again which in hindsight could have been the reason as well. My period comes and goes and it feels better. Notice it again the next month and suddenly my paranoia kicks in. Now I am constantly poking and prodding to see if there are any lumps. At this point my breast actually starts feeling bruised. Now I am stressed because it hurts more (even though I realise I probably hurt it myself) The constant hard prodding is also constantly finding potential lumps.
Now my breasts have their fair share of normal lumps and I also lost 16kgs the past year (decided to start living healthier after the mole scare) so I am also jabbing and finding ribs and what could be veins or ligaments the whole time.
So my common sense tells me I am basically looking for something to worry about.
I know I should go to the doctor just to put my mind at ease but at this point I am way too anxious and I know I will even question what she says. I just need to first deal with this fear which I feel is becoming irrational.
I really need to hear from others who have had this problem and find a way to deal with this
Thanks for listening

[rebeccad]

I'm sorry your feeling this way, I could have written this I am Breast obsessed and check and poke until I find something then panic like mad it's never ending, have you thought about getting a breast check by doc then you can work on your anxiety ?

[ktdid2000]

Me too - I poke and prod until whatever area I'm obsessed over becomes completely sore and bruised feeling. I just went in to the doc on Friday and she did a check (MUCH more lightly than I do) and said she didn't feel anything other than just normal lumpy/muscle tissue but referred me for ultrasound anyway just in case. Now I'm freaking out that what I feel really is something!

What sucks is I'm like you - I basically go in there almost WANTING to find something so I will inevitably find something to worry about! What I'm worried about now feels almost like a muscle ridge or something but I've convinced myself its a lump. :( Doctor told me that I was checking way too hard and that a lump would feel like a hard pea or rock. I just have no idea what I'm looking for - everything feels unnatural to me.

[Mello]

Slightly different but similar, I too lost some weight (grieving) and now everything feels abnormal to me through my thinner skin. I found a weird bone, lumpier than the other side and totally wrote myself off with bone cancer. I have the worlds smallest boobs now too, so can feel all my milk glands, veins, ribs and muscles. I am currently following a self imposed boob ban as I could feel my health anxiety transferring from bone to boob poking, and they hurt hormonally like bitches!
It is only to be expected that you might suffer from health anxiety after such an event in your life, mine was initially triggered years ago by an abnormal smear test and has soared to new heights ever since! Maybe ask for some CBT, that really can help change your thought processes. And don't forget to breathe.

[Jackrabbit]

Im actually going through this right now. I constantly feel and poke them. My sister had breast cancer so this is partly what fuels my paranoia. Not to mention my breasts seem to have become a little bit more sensitive in the last week but I also have tightness around the chest area mostly in my skin it seems so I don't know if thats what causes it. No pain or lumps just....sensations, I guess you could call them.

[ktdid2000]

I am currently following a self imposed boob ban

I need to get on that plan! I guess I'm going to have to wait until I get the all-clear from the ultrasound first.

Still - no more poking and prodding other than a (correctly) performed monthly exam! At least it's easy to tell myself that, I even go into the bathroom at work to poke around and check if it's still there. It's like OCD - drives me crazy.

[nhelen79]

aside from my skin cancer fear, BC is the next one. i'm going to have my lumpectomy followup after 9months since surgery (it was benign) and i'm having the same feeling. the wounded area feel hard underneath although the scar is completely gone. the what-if is killing us with anxiety right? I guess that if we are diligently follow up with doctor every year and a monthly exam, we shall not do more than that. I still dont' know what's supposed to feel right or what's wrong with breast exam.

[ktdid2000]

I think that's what fuels the obsessive checking - the not knowing what to look for.

I've watched videos and read stuff about how to do exams correctly, but I think I'm still doing it wrong unless I really dig in there and press around. Which neither my OB or my GP does during their exams. And of course I find things they don't because I'm feeling all sorts of stuff that's supposed to be "background noise."

When I used to go to BC forums (I don't anymore) I always read stories of what lumps felt like and almost everyone said they could tell what it was right away - it was vastly different from the rest of their breast and really stood out as being rock hard, immovable, or some other thing. I try to remind myself of this when I get anxious about something that is probably just from me poking and prodding too hard.