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Thread: Als MND panic- please help me!

  1. #151
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    Your "perceived" weak suck...It's self harm, jojo.

    The diazepam will take the edge off your agitation. I recommend it too. It could give you some relief from the torment xxx

  2. #152
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    May 2008
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    I am really struggling at the moment. Sometimes the fear feels so bad it is almost unbearable. I am trying to control my obsessive self testing, but the compulsion to do it is so incredibly strong and, just sometimes, it brings me a little bit of relief. I’ve done enough CBT to know this is the trap with self testing. Sometimes it seems to help, which feeds the compulsion…. But more often than not it feeds the anxiety, causing the vicious cycle to strengthen. Just for the record (for my future self reading back over this) my current self test is for a nasal voice (how did I avoid this particular google rabbit Warren before?!?). Naturally I think I have it. And naturally I am interpreting this as a positive test for ALS.
    But mainly I also feel tired. This particular acute HA crisis has been going on for three months now (looking at this thread) - and I just wish the “fever” would break. Thank you so much, as always, for listening x

  3. #153
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    You feel exhausted due to 3 months of acute and relentless HA. The exhaustion stops you being strong enough to challenge your ALS fears hence you will jump from symptom to symptom thanks to your research and regime of self testing.

    What about diazepam as a "fever" breaker? What sort of relief do you get from the self testing and how do you rationalise this in your head? xx

  4. #154
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
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    85

    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    Just want to tell you I’m going through the exact same thing including the swallowing which is driving me mad. It’s been going on about 3 weeks now (I came off sertraline 2/3 months ago). Had also felt at times I’ve almost tripped, like I can’t speak/mix words up a lot, difficulty concentrating - I even panic when I am driving forgetting where my feet go when im really bad, it’s like I have to look down to check my feet are on the right pedals.

    It’s so exhausting: I have thought about every swallow of food I’ve taken for 3 weeks now and fear im never going to stop thinking about it. When I think about food my stomach drops with fear and I tense up. Im so scared of choking on my food which is a symptom that started when I started taking sertraline (and I had it on citalopram many years ago too), so I know it’s related to that or anxiety, and the anxiousness has led too all of these other symptoms. I have been forcing myself to eat but have no appetite and I’ve lost over half a stone in a few weeks. My stomach is constantly in an anxious knot.

    I honestly feel like I am having some sort of psychotic break over this, but I had the same worry 3 years ago which is what put me on sertraline in the first place - it did help and I know I can restart meds at any time but just reluctant to at the moment. Like you, I remembered looking back at some of the worries I had and realising how ridiculous they sounded later :(

    I’m in bed at the moment, tired after getting my second vaccine earlier and just feeling very surreal and afraid of talking and eating in case it doesn’t happen right. It’s such a scary place but just want to let you know you’re not alone.

    Hang in there xx

  5. #155
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    I do very much empathise with you both. I have no intention of ever getting myself back in that grim, isolating mindset again. Things you take for granted become awkward and "not right" because you are thinking about what normally comes automatically when you are well mentally.

  6. #156
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    May 2008
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    Thank you both so much for replying. Pulisa your words are always so true. And seeing them always helps me (I know it must seem like you are speaking to a brick wall at the moment- but I promise you….. the rational me is still in here - if teeny tiny atm - and I’m listening.)
    The HA monster tells me that the self tests will act as reassurance. It tells me that if I test my voice for nasality and find it “normal” I will feel better. But my perception is such that, nearly always, my “tests” reveal a problem. Which causes panic and the need for a flurry of repeat tests or a doctor consultation. And even if they don’t reveal a “problem”, the sense of relief I get lasts the shortest time, before I start to doubt the “results” and need to test again. It’s such a well documented cycle. And one I both understand and am utterly beholden to!! Next time I speak to my doctor I will say yes to the diazepam. I did hope the sertraline would have kicked in by now but when the vicious cycle gains strength it has a powerful life of its own!
    And STK149 I am truly sorry you are struggling too. I hope you escape before it grips you too tightly. Why did you come off the sertraline? Interestingly that was the trigger for this HA crisis for me too….. and I know just what you mean about not wanting to speak or eat. I feel exactly the same. I don’t even want to read to my children at the moment, which is just so sad. Hope you feel ok after your vaccine. I had mine last week and felt a bit rough x

  7. #157
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    I think meds help to a certain extent but all the meds in the world won't successfully manage HA without you having the strength,determination and belief to challenge the thoughts creeping in which keep you in that destructive cycle. Ultimately it's "you" not the meds who holds the key to some degree of liberation...but again you know this of course.

    Have you found any of the info on sensorimotor OCD helpful?

  8. #158
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    May 2008
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    I didn’t know about sensorimotor ocd before I looked at STk’s thread. Looks extremely interesting and I’m going to do some reading about it. Xx

  9. #159
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
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    24,667

    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    I find this extremely sad at this point. Its apparent to everyone but yourself how irrational your fear is. I can only hope you seek the real life help you so desperately need at this point

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  10. #160
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    May 2008
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    Re: Als MND panic- please help me!

    Thank you for the reply FMP. The irrationality is apparent to me too - sort of at least - but the terror is the thing that is real. This thread is several years old. And so it probably looks like I have been locked in this horrible hole that entire time. In fact i have had - sometimes long - periods of remission. But this relapse is a bad one, and has now been going on for three months. I know I need help. And I know I need to do more to help myself - to combat my self testing, and my damaging thought patterns. But it’s the summer holidays at the moment and I have four children at home….. so actual therapy is off the cards right now because i am very much “on duty” and I don’t want to reveal too much of this problem to them because it would be highly unsettling (I have talked about it to my eldest. Partly because I do think it’s important to be candid about mental health. But she doesn’t SEE it on a day to day basis. And I’d rather keep it that way).

    But - that said - coming on here IS the best kind of therapy for me. On here I can voice my fears. Get the faulty thoughts pointed out, and get support. So i remain forever grateful. Xx

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