Als MND panic- please help me!

[jojo2316]

Thank you Pulisa my friend. Actually your words on a screen do help very very much. Sometimes it’s almost like I have split personality- the rational me and the terrified catastrophist me. And when OCD and an anxiety disorder are thrown into the mix, the rational me doesn’t stand much of a chance…… but you guys give this part of me much needed back up! I am so grateful xxxx

[pulisa]

The rational you is still standing and recognising the catastrophist you though. Self awareness is a powerful tool to possess xx

[pulisa]

Thank you Pulisa my friend. Actually your words on a screen do help very very much. Sometimes it’s almost like I have split personality- the rational me and the terrified catastrophist me. And when OCD and an anxiety disorder are thrown into the mix, the rational me doesn’t stand much of a chance…… but you guys give this part of me much needed back up! I am so grateful xxxx

And I think the rational you stands more of a chance than you think but you HAVE to curb the self-testing..because this will just replant those HA seeds in your brain which the rational you will challenge xx

[jojo2316]

And I think the rational you stands more of a chance than you think but you HAVE to curb the self-testing..because this will just replant those HA seeds in your brain which the rational you will challenge xx

This is so true. I do seem to be a sufferer of OCD - like the hair pulling thingamy- and I do believe HA checking is also in the OCD stable. It is incredibly hard to resist.
Like you have in the past Pulisa, I also wonder how connected this is to autism. I have never been assessed personally and would probably not reach diagnostic criteria- but when I sat in on an ASD assessment, many things that were said chimed with me. Like, for example, people with Asd often find lack of certainty intolerable. And I think that is something - along with having an obsessive personality- that underpins my HA…..
I don’t know:….

[pulisa]

My son gets enraged about lack of certainty. He simply can't bear it whereas my daughter gets really anxious and fearful.

It's such a complex business, isn't it? Severe distress is just unbearable though, regardless of diagnosis. Do you find it helpful to "unpick" the driving force behind your HA? I would have said it was more OCD-related due to the distress it causes?

[jojo2316]

My son gets enraged about lack of certainty. He simply can't bear it whereas my daughter gets really anxious and fearful.

It's such a complex business, isn't it? Severe distress is just unbearable though, regardless of diagnosis. Do you find it helpful to "unpick" the driving force behind your HA? I would have said it was more OCD-related due to the distress it causes?

Im not sure it’s helpful….. like you say, distress is distress, no matter the cause. But I suppose it allows me to have a bit of an “outsiders” view of myself….. which is interesting if nothing else… Not that it will actually solve anything. But, as I tell others, the distressing times will keep coming, but they will also keep passing.

[pulisa]

We both have a lot of complex issues going on in our lives and it's not surprising that the cracks show in terms of how anxiety manifests itself.

I'm a fine one to offer advice but I hate to think of you being so tormented, jojo and I hope that you will be able to move away from the urge to self-check which just adds to the misery...as you know. What has helped you in the past to put the breaks on? xxx

[jojo2316]

We both have a lot of complex issues going on in our lives and it's not surprising that the cracks show in terms of how anxiety manifests itself.

I'm a fine one to offer advice but I hate to think of you being so tormented, jojo and I hope that you will be able to move away from the urge to self-check which just adds to the misery...as you know. What has helped you in the past to put the breaks on? xxx

I replied to this yesterday but for some reason it didn’t post. It means so much that you care in spite of your own problems. Thank you my friend.
im not sure how to stop checking. I spoke to my doctor yesterday, who kindly refused to refer me to a neurologist but said she is concerned about my mental health. She couldn’t hear me slurring. And tried to give advice to stop the checking behaviour. But it’s so hard (slash impossible!) right now. This morning, for example I was sucking my finger and I noticed I had a weak suck (I am in the middle of major dental work and currently missing three teeth awaiting implants. A possible explanation?). But this observation had such a physical reaction. I felt immediately sick, I started sweating and shaking. And I would do literally anything to stop the feeling, because it’s agony. But….. eventually…… time will fix this (unless it actually IS MMD this time!!). I am so lucky to have supportive people around me. Including you xxx

[pulisa]

I'm glad your doctor refused to refer you and couldn't hear your perceived slurring. Please don't make a private appointment?

I don't want to comment on your "weak" suck other than to state the obvious ie self-testing brings misery. Every time you self-test you add to your distress. It never reassures you. It just throws up more perceived anomalies.

What COULD you do to stop the cycle? What about the diazepam you had mentioned in a previous post? It can be very helpful xxx

[jojo2316]

I'm glad your doctor refused to refer you and couldn't hear your perceived slurring. Please don't make a private appointment?

I don't want to comment on your "weak" suck other than to state the obvious ie self-testing brings misery. Every time you self-test you add to your distress. It never reassures you. It just throws up more perceived anomalies.

What COULD you do to stop the cycle? What about the diazepam you had mentioned in a previous post? It can be very helpful xxx

So I was discussing diazepam with my doctor yesterday- and she does recommend it - but I felt worried it would produce MORE perceived symptoms for me to vex over! It might come to that though….. anything to dull the distress!

The inside of my mouth is covered in bright red suction bruises from testing my weak suck. I’m supposed to be seeing the dentist on Monday and I’m sure he will think it’s from some dodgy sexual activity!! It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic…..!!! ;-) xxx