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Thread: Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

  1. #1
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    Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

    Your probably wondering why I'm writing on here when perhaps this could be considered a "success story" but I don't feel it is a success and more a lesson that's ongoing.
    Just before Christmas I started getting panic attacks that were awful. Like most of you I would panic get all of the feelings, think I'm having a heart attack and each time I'd call an ambulance, I honestly never knew what it was and I didn't believe anyone saying it was stress.

    Anyway I came on here and a few people were very helpful UNTIL my questions obviously became boring to read as they were the same thing over and over again. In the end I ended up at Icope for help, I was anxious, scared, panicked all the time and little did I know, I had severe OCD. Not compulsions lke cleaning MUCH buttt the thoughts kind. The intrusive thoughts that plague you every moment of everyday and tel you your going mad and make u feel lke you should die.. I would sit and think about killing my family and maybe I should just kill myself! Why not? I lost my job, I didn't go out because I was scared I'd die somewhere and not see my partner again! EVERYTHING was scary and I developed severe anxiety mostly surrounding my health. You name it, I thought I had it! I had days where my brain told me not to leave the house, to hold onto my partner every night in bed incase I don't wake up in the morning and I obsessed over telling ppl I loved them just incase. It got to a point where I didn't want to go out incase I died and no one found my body ...

    At this point I was rock bottom, I thought that was is and I was positive I was going mad with the urges you get from OCD, I was sure I'd lost control kill someone else or myself without meaning to .. maybe I have schitziphrenia ?!? I must do? I'm hearing things, I'm seeing things ... I'm scared of every move I make every single day .. it got to a point where I'd message my therapist and say I've seen something am I mad?! I keep thinking I should die? Am I losing it ..I was down and out ..

    One day I went to leave the house and my brain said noooo you'll die out there alone .. and I just thought "I can't do this anymore"
    NOTHING will hurt you outside l, just by putting one foot out of that door, you will not die! By putting that second foot out you will feel a sense of accomplishment ... if your scared you'll have a heart attack RUN and I mean RUN!! Push yourself because when you realise nothing happens ... it all starts clicking into place..

    I was in the worst place of my life four months ago and I was positive I'd go mad and end up alone in a mental health unit or dead ..
    ok I know I'm going to die but who is to say right now?? I don't know when it will be so what is the point in checking every pain or lump or feeling ..
    there is none!
    I started taking these long walks ALONE and I would have trouble breathing the whole way but after I'd think WOW I survived that .. look I'm alive!
    I started reading more about people with mental health issues and realised I'm not going mad YET!

    I realised that every MRI and ECG would only make me feel better for a short time then there would be something else. It is a vicious cycle that you need to try and break by not reassuring yourself. Don't run to the Gp every time you feel bad or google how u feel or make someone tell you it's going to be okay you need to do it yourself. Rest, sleep when you need to, be kind to your body eat well and make yourself go out alone I got to a point where I used to tell myself "it's better I'm outside because if something happens to me here someone will find me, at home I'd be alone"

    You can get to a point where you have thoughts like I did and still do which tell you to do awful things lke kill someone .. and you can laugh and say OKAY and let it go..

    I wrote alla this because .. it's not about getting rid of your mental health problems it's about living with them. I know I will never get rid of my OCD and anxiety but I've managed to go from severe OCD/anxiety without medication that they kept trying to make me take .. to still having some anxiety and OCD but being able to cope, I've got a new job, I get excited about going to work.
    Today I was breathless and felt strange and uncomfortable/anxious but I realised it was because my partner was gong back to work tomorrow ... EVERY feeling is caused by a reaction or thought/feeling ...

    I will never be rid of this but I'm learning and I can see some joy in life for the first time in a while!
    I'm sending a million big hugs and all my love for all those suffering tonight and always, your not alone, don't be scared of your thoughts! They can be brutal but your strong and you can do it!
    I will give my support as much as it's needed! No matter how many times you ask the same question, I will answer .. I know how important it is at first to get reassurance!

    Love you all xxx

  2. #2
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    Re: Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

    Inspiring story, thanks for sharing. I have health anxiety around the heart and scared to go out walking or do any exercise. I used to love walking as it cleared my head so it sucks not being able to do that anymore.

  3. #3
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    Re: Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

    Quote Originally Posted by Hollow View Post
    Inspiring story, thanks for sharing. I have health anxiety around the heart and scared to go out walking or do any exercise. I used to love walking as it cleared my head so it sucks not being able to do that anymore.
    What kind of meds are you on?
    I had THREE Ecg's and none of them were enough for my brain to feel better!
    Proving all those tests will only do so much for you.
    I started taking propranolol it brings down your heart rate a bit and for me stopped it racing until I had a panic attack.
    I am no doctor or therapist but I started by running up or down the stairs depending on what I was doing .. sounds weird but I was encouraged to do this by a specialist who said .. If you run up your stairs and OK are feeling breathless or are worrying about their heart BUT you don't pass out .. then you've answered your own heads constant questioning .. because it's intense to suddenly run up the stairs and if there was a problem, a sudden energy burst like that would make you feel really unwell ..
    I used to get chest pains all over, I could feel my heart skipping as I sat worrying about it, checking my pulse over and over.
    I literally had to stop checking my pulse and fight the urge to do it everyday.. and started running up and down the stairs ..
    Now I go on 5 -6 k walks everyday alone .. especially when I feel light headed and dizzy with anxiety just to prove to my mind that it is all in my mind. Xxx

  4. #4
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    Re: Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

    I have been given anti-depressant but scared to take them because of side effects , I wanted to get better without them but it doesn't seem possible.

    I also get chest pains around my heart and chest and i'm always checking my heart to see how fast it's going or how hard it's beating. I have a appointment with a cardiologist coming up for a 24 hour monitor.

  5. #5
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    May 2013
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    Re: Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

    A great post. It's absolutely true that rather than wasting energy on trying to get rid of the symptoms of anxiety and fear completely, the answer is actually in learning to live with them, with or without meds, because they're part of life for most of us, so changing the way we think about it really is the key that unlocks the door.

    ISB ☺ x
    __________________
    Without fear there cannot be courage - Christopher Paolini

  6. #6
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    Re: Sending the biggest hugs to you all today and always ❤️

    Quote Originally Posted by Hollow View Post
    I have been given anti-depressant but scared to take them because of side effects , I wanted to get better without them but it doesn't seem possible.

    I also get chest pains around my heart and chest and i'm always checking my heart to see how fast it's going or how hard it's beating. I have a appointment with a cardiologist coming up for a 24 hour monitor.


    If you are scared to take them like I was, use that brain power and then it into "I don't need them" I kept telling myself it's not that bad .. even on days where I was practically hallucinating! You can get better Hun with or without them..
    I see it this way, they make u feel way more fuzzy headed that you are now.
    I'm not sure what you've been diagnosed with but my OCD is what made my health anxiety so bad.. I was obsessed with my heart and feelings of my heart..

    Chest pains remember are a bit different to the pains you get when your having a heart attack or so I've been told by many doctors!
    There's a difference between crushing feeling and tightness which I get a lot.. also little niggling pains here and there are normally muscle where your tensing through anxiety. I tense A LOT so much so that my body can be tired at the end of the day! Some days my chest is so painful but it's because of that ...

    Try one thing, stop checking your heart! Your heart rate will go up when your worried without fail each time and speed up when you breath in and slow back down when you breath out, mine does!
    If you've had ecgs and they are clear try and remember that they are used everyday on millions of people, chances of getting your results wrong? Slim!

    Either way, remember something... if there was something wrong with your heart there is nothing you could do about it, you can't change it, you can only live with it! So what I did was practically wait for it to happen.. but then, what's the point. All those days that are flying by with me sitting worrying that my hearts gonna give way.. well if it is, it is? Sitting down won't postpone it, it'll just happen so I may aswell go out and do things as if it's meant to be it'll be right?!

    Think about those amazing walks you used to take! How great you felt after, I bet if you walked around the block even if you felt like shit scared and worried, anxious over breathing and concerned for your heart... I bet you'd feel amazing when you got back still alive and well just anxious .. do it because you can!

    worry when it happens, don't worry twice!
    I think you'll be fine, I've been there, I'm still there. You'll cope better the more you push yourself ❤️

    ---------- Post added at 21:58 ---------- Previous post was at 21:56 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by I still Believe View Post
    A great post. It's absolutely true that rather than wasting energy on trying to get rid of the symptoms of anxiety and fear completely, the answer is actually in learning to live with them, with or without meds, because they're part of life for most of us, so changing the way we think about it really is the key that unlocks the door.

    ISB ☺ x
    Definitely my lovely!
    I have days which are really bad still, awful thoughts and anxiety but I've had to learn that there is no doubt a chain of events leading to that moment.. bad mood.. upset .. then suddenly anxiety there like HEYYYY
    There's no point fighting it anymore, we've both got to live in the same brain he just gets a smaller part of it now! Haha xxxx

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