Re: Constant struggle to fight anxiety
Hi Star, to start off, you are doing fantastically well to have kept going against the anxiety for so long.
I have had anxiety for 20 years and one of the mistakes I used to make was to keep pushing myself and pushing myself against the agoraphobia and anxiety until I was utterly worn down and exhausted. This culminated in me having several nervous breakdowns and being hospitalised and losing any progress I had made.
I would suggest that you keep a strict eye on how hard you are pushing yourself agaiinst the anxiety and when you feel that you are going to increase your level of stress by continuing to push, I would say to sit back, take a rest, recharge your batteries and allow yourself some self compassion and understanding.
Yes you have to push against anxiety, panic and agoraphobia (and depression too) but you have to realise the point where the fighting it is making you worse, not better.
I have had a really, really unbearable time with anxiety over the last few months and I am taking a 'break' from the 'fight' and that includes using some benzos and being more gentle with myself. It is very easy to become your own worst enemy without realising it.
Anxiety has to be challenged but over long periods of time of 'challenging' it you can deplete your strength and end up weak and fatigued. So maybe fight it for five days a week and give yourself two days off or something like that.
Try and control your self criticism too (we all do it).
What you don't want is to bring yourself to the stage where hosptilisation or a nervous breakdown is going to be the outcome of all the pushing against the anxiety.
Say STOP before this happens and give yourself a break and some tlc.
Sorry for rambling on for so long but I don't want you to end up in a psy hospital (horrible places, been in them many times) or end up worse than you started out.
This is not a sign of weakness to give yourself a break, it is just plain good sense.
Do go to your doctor and tell him/her how hard you have been fighting. Meds are nothing to be ashamed off, it took me 15 years to realise thai i have to stay on anti depressants and wouldn't it be much worse if there were no meds to help us through the bad times?
Go your gp or to a psychiatrist and get some help.
Hope you feel a little better soon.
Regards
Eibhlin
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