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Thread: Gay people please.

  1. #1
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    Gay people please.

    Hi my brother told us he was gay when he was about 14.Then a few years ago he told us he wanted to be a woman and started to dress as a woman.He had the appointments at charring cross hospital and everything.
    Now he has stopped dressing and has said he is not a transexual he is gay,but likes straight men not gay men.Its so confusing.
    I have always known he was gay from a very early age.
    My question is to anyone who is gay,when did you first realise you were gay?How do you know,and can be sure its not just a phase?
    I have also got two cousins in the same family who are gay,male and female brother and sister.
    I would just like some way of understanding a little bit.My brothers problems have played a very large part in my anxiety problems.Not because he is gay but because he became an alcoholic to try and accept his sexuality.
    Thank you
    Last edited by yorkylover; 08-05-07 at 23:52.
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  2. #2
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    Unhappy Re: Gay people please.

    Hello anybody out there
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    Yorkylover xxx

  3. #3
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    Re: Gay people please.

    Maybe no one has replied because it's too personal for some to post about on the forum. Could I suggest that maybe if anyone has any comments that they could also PM you? That might get some responses to your post.
    xxx
    Sandy

  4. #4
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    Re: Gay people please.

    Hello,
    I can tell you that, while every instance is unique, for most gay people the awareness of being different starts at a very young age. But because we are not brought up to expect to be anything other than heterosexual, when these feelings do appear, a lot of people dismiss them as mere crushes and carry on with nagging doubts for years. If supressed these feelings start to pop up more and more until eventually one gets to the point where the light bulb goes on and you actually think ''Ok,I really am gay''. To get from the initial full realisation to living a happy life as a fully accepting gay person can take a long time. Coming out is a terribly emotional process...I have never seen any statistics where it is compared to divorce or a death in the family but it must be right up there as a huge cause of stress and anxiety. While a person is coming to terms with their sexuality they might well explore different possibilities, such as your brother thinking for a while he may be transsexual. It's all a part of finding out who you really are ; accepting yourself and becoming comfortable with yourself. Someone going through the coming out process will need lots of support and understanding, and patience too.
    The good news is that the majority of gay people come through all this and emerge as happy well rounded individuals with happy lives.

  5. #5
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    Re: Gay people please.

    Thank you Sandy I will try that.
    Thank you rain for your reply,helped alot.
    Any one who doesnt want to reply on the forum,please pm me.
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  6. #6
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    Re: Gay people please.

    As a gay man, there is very little I recognise in your initial post. I think your brother has problems that extend way beyone being gay. For many gay men, the idea of becoming a woman is totally allien. For what turns out to be a gay man to have gone down that route shows a very confused individual. To come out of it saying he only finds heterosexual men attractive shouts that he is not comfortable with many people's perception of what being gay is.

    Gay isn't Larry Gracian, Julian Clary etc. Gay is just ordinary man falling for ordinary men. There are camp men for many reasons, but there lots of men that are not like that. When he says he only fancies straight men, what he means is that he doesn't find camp attractive, and many people don't. There are many gay men that are not at all camp, he probably has this to realise.

    I guess his anxiety has been one to equall yours so far. Hopefully one day he will settle down with someone he is happy with now he has got the transgender thing out of the way.

    As for all this causing you anxiety, it can only do that if you feel a need to control him and put him in a box. Leave him to do what feels right for him and maybe you can then both relax about it.

    Two men living next door can make much better neighbours than many people. You don't have to make babies to have a good, productive and considerate relationship.

    There is still prejudice about though, and it is prevelant on here and that is perhaps why your brother has had a longer passage. Lets hope he gets there soon and you stop freting about something that isn't really that different to the soul searching we all do.

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