Pocd or pedophilia???

[Mrpainter]

Hi I've been having these horrible thoughts and feelings, the like swelling but nothe arouseductive feeling in my genitals and like butterflies in my stomach, I get the butterflies when I think or see kids anywhere, I don't like the feeling and would never hurt any child, I have my own son every week but I am constantly thinking of suicide because I don't want to be a pedophile, the thought of hurting a child makes me feel very sick and anxious and depressed, I think in a way it's easier if I wasn't here anymore because it's too much to be thinking about, I feel like I'm sick but no one would understand if I talk about it, any help???

[Homer47]

Hi I had this especially when my daughter was at baby then toddler stage. The feeling in your groun area every time you were near my kid or even looking at her. Really thought I was a peodo, the very reason I had them thoughts is because I hated them so much and my daughter was and still is my world. I still get the odd thoughts and images but that's all they are. Your mind is focused on your groun area almost obsessively. You are definitely not alone mate. This will pass just let it pass.

[Mrpainter]

Thank you, I had it before about 6 and 8 years ago but not like this, what about the butterflies though? I'm worried that means I like it even though I know I don't, if that makes sense?

[Homer47]

Ye I had exactly the butterflies it's all connected your mind is making you believe the groinal feeling and the butterflies is what makes you think your aroused. I really feel your pain mate. The reason your worried says it all. Your on here for a start.

[Mrpainter]

It's doing me in, I've spoken to my son's mum about it and she understands that I'm not like that, I had a bad childhood and maybe it's from that but I wish it'd go so I can be a good dad, that's all I want

[Homer47]

One thing is don't avoid being around your kid or kids. Just let the feelings come and go. Even if the anxiety is making you think of the worst things ever. Just stay and don't avoid. Will be hard to do but you will get through it. I did with that worry.

---------- Post added at 20:27 ---------- Previous post was at 20:24 ----------

Have you gone to the doctors for cbt etc. That's what they will go through with is exposure. I once had a fear of changing my baby girls nappy. Invade of the worst happening if I lost control, which I never. I even changed her app once when I took her to one of my sessions many moons ago.

---------- Post added at 20:29 ---------- Previous post was at 20:27 ----------

You are definitely not alone on this new mums or just mums get this as well.

[KK77]

I would definitely recommend counselling for this. Feelings of guilt and shame usually stem back to deep-rooted childhood events. I don't think CBT would address the root causes but could still help in coping with the anxiety. I hope you can find a way forward and one day be free of these all-consuming thoughts.

[Mrpainter]

I'm on a waiting list for therapy, one more month they say, been waiting 4 months, I still have my son every weekend, just find it hard as I want to be loving towards him but I don't want to feel anxious about it and get butterflies

[KK77]

You have another thread re penile hypersensitivity so I think you should bear that in mind. It doesn't necessarily mean you are attracted to your son if you feel aroused by the physical contact. I can understand how this can cause anxiety though and hope you're not kept waiting for therapy much longer. You have taken a positive step forward.

[Bee84]

I definitely want this situation dealt with as I was a victim of abuse as a child. If you don't already know it, here is a link for email support for that way of thinking also with a free phone number on it: https://www.stopitnow.org.uk