So scared

[CantonaKing]

I have generalised anxiety disorder and always blow things out of proportion, etc.
I've never had any intrusive thoughts before but earlier I was sitting next to my wife and had the thought, "what would happen if I did something crazy, like attack her?".
I love her more than anything and would never harm her nor anybody else or anything.
The thought prompted dreadful anxiety - like I can feel adrenaline surging through my arms and chest in waves.
We were at my in-laws for dinner and it calmed down a bit but on the way home my anxiety started again and now I am shaking, too and I can feel the pulse in my head.
My wife really doesn't understand mental health problems much and has little sympathy, although she tries.
Now im terrified that a) this anxiety will never go away and b) that every time we are together I'm gonna have these awful thoughts.
I'm scared that I'm crazy and if I tell anyone what I thought, I'll be sectioned or something?

[Bee84]

Seemingly loving husbands are attacking their wives physically and even sexually at alarming rates. You are most certainly NOT one of them or you would've done it already. Mothers have thoughts of throwing/harming their babies and would never do that. You won't be sectioned.

Is it becoming codependent? Where all you want is to be understood? I suggest, though its hard, to talk about your anxieties to a trained therapist.

[CantonaKing]

Hi Bee,
What do you mean by "codependent"?
I started seeing a therapist on Wednesday, but his only happened last night.
Thanks.

[Bee84]

On second thought... I'm wrong! I skim read some of your thread. It's where someone is rescuing and enabling anothers illness or addictions. Sorry about that!

[CantonaKing]

But can you help?

[Bee84]

Has it been only once that you've had the thought? Maybe it's a one off? Anxiety and other mental health issues are very difficult to understand if you've never been there. Can you bring her to therapy with you? Then the therapist can help explain your reality to her.

[CantonaKing]

Yeah, just the once - but still feel mega anxious today and can't stop thinking about that particular thought!
I can't tell my wife about it.

[I Don't Get it!]

I was sitting next to my wife and had the thought, "what would happen if I did something crazy, like attack her?".
I love her more than anything and would never harm her nor anybody else or anything.

I'm scared that I'm crazy and if I tell anyone what I thought, I'll be sectioned or something?

You're not crazy, that's the anxiety.

If the thoughts were exactly as you described above, then you're having anxious thoughts about something bad happening to your wife, again that's just anxiety. Tell your therapist, they can help.

The trouble with anxiety is that it becomes a vicious circle of anxious and worrying thoughts making you even more anxious and that makes even more anxiety and more worrying thoughts. You have to learn to stop that cycle.

However, if the thoughts you had were that you are struggling to control an urge to attack her or that you are intending or making a plan to attack her, (or anybody) that's a bit different. In that case you ought to seek urgent help, like going to A&E or phoning your local mental health team or whatever.

Something that bothers me about your post is that you say your Wife doesn't understand and has little sympathy. Could this be causing you to have these intrusive thoughts? Are you desperate for her to understand how much you're suffering?

Would she be willing to read a book or even an article about your illness, to try and see what you're going through? I found showing my partner my Claire Weekes book (self help for your nerves) very helpful. He read a chapter describing some symptoms and looked shocked and said, "is that really how you feel?" and he's been a lot more understanding since.

Btw, this is just my layman's opinion, I'm having therapy myself...

Edit: this article might put your mind at rest:
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-...thoughts-fiff/

[CantonaKing]

Thanks for the advice.
It's only been a day yet I feel I'm driving myself crazy.
I keep telling myself this thought is ridiculous and I would never ever harm her in any way, but it's still swirling around in my head.

[Bee84]

I've had this too and a few years ago I told someone, who was initially outraged but they too admit now to having those thoughts but about men that have preyed upon women and children and those who are perceived as weaker.

When I had it, I was in my head, fiercely arguing with my family saying awful things but in real life it's all clear as far as I knew. I think I was spending too much time with them out of obligation and that's where the thoughts came from. They went when I established boundaries and set visits on my terms.

I think these types of thoughts are very common. Maybe try to catch yourself at the start of the thought next time. Even if you don't open up to her you've got your therapist so I'm sure their help is enough.