scared I am slipping

[Piglet]

Morning hun,

You know I have to severely ration how much news I watch because like you if affects me terribly and makes my agoraphobia worse from the point of feeling safe when I am out, and so much sadness and cruelty in the world makes me feel well sad.

The thing is though there are indeed some beautiful things that also go on in the world and lots of human kindnesses but these don't make headlines do they.

Now my lovely, for once stop putting others needs before your own, ie; the therapist, the doctor, kids, mum, hubby and Uncle Joe Cobbley and all. I think this is a main contributory factor in making things more difficult.

You would not put off having a broken leg put in plaster just cos you didn't want to inconvenience the nurse and this is just the same. I would tell any interested parties exactly how you feel so that they can help! Often all it is is a little tweak here and a little tweak there. This is exactly how it works with panic and agoraphobia too - making things more managable is key!!

Love Piglet

[Quirky]

Thanks folks,

Lisa, it does all help. But I am sure you will relate to this. I don't want to tell my gp. I want her to go off on maternity leave feeling good that she has helped me. I don't want to tell my counsellor as I want her to start her new job thinking the same.

Morning mate,

I do understand that above, but what did you tell me just two days ago? Yes you told me to go and tell my gp everything and I did and I'm so glad I did. Yes I wanted her to leave knowing I was going great, she did leave thinking that initially as I was when she left back then. This time she was only back for one day and knows I am in a right state with severe pain etc and she has no way of knowing if/when I'm better but I told myself (with your help) that she is a doctor, she is able to cope with this as it's her job, my job is to get the best help and support for me right now. So do you think you could do the same?

Your doc will not mind seeing you, I bet she'll be great and totally understand the work issues, she may even suggest who is best to see in her absence etc. Same with the counsellor, I would call her too and tell her you do want to see her again before she goes and then someone else, this someone else may be even better than current person.

There is nothing wrong with needing help, however much you need, and accepting that may even help you more on. I have had so much help for various things on the NHS, infact it's probably me that has drained all the resources lol but if you need help you need it and that's that. I don't mean to sound harsh but don't suffer when the help is out there, you don't need to struggle like this alone mate. Please please think about it at least?

This probably is just a low spell that will pass soon but it could be related to work too so please get some help mate, you'll feel alot better if you go and talk it all through with someone.



Lisa x

[happyone]

thanks piglet and Lisa

I just can't. I really really can't.
Piglet, I believe I would not put off having my leg put in plaster, but if it was still hurting and hurting, I believe I would not tell the nurse, if the situation were similar. I would put it off until she was gone.

I'm sorry for being awkward. I know I need someone for support just now but I can't make that move to ask for it.

You don't sound harsh Lisa, I know I would advise you the same but I just can't do it. If I was to be asked I would probably burst into tears and tell all but I no appts until 8th and 11th June. My Gp isn't there and I am not going to another. Even if I did they would just tell me to go to shrink. I will not ask my counsellor to see her, I just won't. I can't explain. It is not just about being needy, it is about pride and I know pride comes before a fall but I will not ask to see her. I don't even think she would be able to now even if I could. I think she has gone. I am too angry at her anyway and don't want to see her. My shrink would only ooh and aah and give me more meds, so there is no point in seeing him.

I have no choices left. I am going to lose it all and it is all going to come crumbling round my ears. the job, the house, the family.

Its my big uns birthday coming up and I am scared I am not going to be here for her birthday as I really feel I am holding on by a thread. I went out with my friend today to take the little uns to soft play, I was just so angry and the man at the counter tried to make a joke and I felt like swinging for him but was just rather cutting. my friend said I was scary and I know I was. I am just sinking further and further into my own head.

Sorry to be such a torn face.

Happyone

[Quirky]

Awww mate

I do understand how sometimes we can't do things, it's very easy for others to be objective from outside the sutuation isn't it but very different when it comes to doing it ourselves isn't it, I really do understand that, especially right now.

I still wish you would get some help somewhere though if you really are feeling as bad as you say as maybe you do need help to get it all back on track. It may not be more meds are needed, just talking it all through can often help. Meds may need tweaking but maybe not, you may just be reacting to a stress in your life, ie work which is understandable.

Mate you do have choices but somehow you have to reach out and ask for help, no one can do that but you, although if I was you hubby I'd probably be concerned enough to intervene on your behalf.

We all have pride and like to think we can cope but there is nothing wrong with asking for help from any source at all.

You are not going to lose it all, job, house, family etc, that's catastrophising (I know I'm an expert at it and a hypocrite too for saying that!). At worst you may lose the job (if you decide that's what you want) but if it's causing you this much stress maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe a new start in a job with no pressure of shift work would suit you alot better anyway.

Hang in there mate, remember your scary thoughts are just thoughts and if you really get desperate enough to want to do something PLEASE tell someone.

Oh and I have no idea what a torn face is (more scottish? lol) but you have nothing to be sorry for.





Lisa x

[Piglet]

Love Piglet

[Lizzie1975]

Oh lovely Happyone,

I wish I could bundle you up and take you out of 'life' for a while to a place you felt safe to stay and be looked after so you could concentrate just on you until you felt ready to return.

There's no easy or quick fix as we all know but I hope you manage to find someone you can lean on, REALLY lean on...I really feel for you, you will come through this. I'm here if you need,

Lizzie xxxx

[happyone]

Thanks folks,

Lisa, I just can't deal with the possibility of medicine tweaks just now. I have too much going on. I am going to this meeting on Tues to convince them I am well. I promised my boss I wouldn't be balingn oyt again. I need to be we;l but there is not a lot of chance of it happeing if I keep up like this. Hubby would never intervene only if he thought my life wa sin danger. He just gets angry at me and I have to keep goingwhen every ounce of me wants to crawl away. I can't tell anyone my thoughts, I only ever told the counsellor and I now I can't. I don't even know if I am allowed to phone the crises line any more aa I don't know if I am on theri lists. I only phoned them once and backed out. thanks for the lovely hug


Piglet thanks for the hugs. Sorry I can't take your advice on mate. You always say such sensible things and a lot of things that you have said in the past I have tried. the mindfulnees and the affirmations and I feel bad that i can't listento you just now.

Lizzie, I so wish I could get out of life just now. I know you know exactly how I am feeling just now. You describe what I want to a t. I just want to be out of it but me and everyone else to be safe and happy. I don't want to be permanently outn of it but to put life on pause until I am truelly well. I am losing hope of getting out of this illneess. This is the worst it has been for so long and I know i am my own worst enemyfor not seeking hte help but i really cant.

thanks folks
happyone

[groovygranny]

Happyone

Because of you and all the others that have been supporting me over the last two days, I am going to face my demons tomorrow and try to give 'em hell.

Your words of encouragement to me I treasure, along with all the others.

I don't know what to say except please don't give up hope - not now.

[Quirky]

Hi Happyone,

You CAN seek help mate, you really can and you will when you feel ready

You do not have to convince anyone that you are fit for work if you're not either. It doesn't matter what you promised your boss if you're not ready you're not ready and that's that. Please be honest at the meeting as it won't do you any favours if you're not. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself here mate

Take care,

Lisa x

[happyone]

Thanks Lisa.
I am going to be honest on Tuesday. If nothing else,I will do that. I am just frightened of what being honest will ultimately mean.

GG, knock em dead Girl! You can do it. This time tomorrow you will have wine in hand, chilled (you, not the wine, or both) Thanks GG. I am trying, it is just a really hard time just now. (extremely some would say!)

Happyone