scared I am slipping

[Under~The~Stars]

Mate, I'm just sending you a (((((BIG HUG))))) I have had a seriously busy day, my head is throbbing and my stomach really hurts. It was a good day, which has now turned into a really bad day. I hope you are ok, and I will reply more later. Please stay strong hunny

Lou xxx

PS has Jim been in touch with you?

[Quirky]

Hi mate,

So glad to hear you're going to be honest on Tuesday, definitely the right thing to do as it can only be in your best interest to say how you really are

Night night, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you



Lisa x

[Piglet]

Piglet thanks for the hugs. Sorry I can't take your advice on mate. You always say such sensible things and a lot of things that you have said in the past I have tried. the mindfulnees and the affirmations and I feel bad that i can't listento you just now.

Aww hun that's ok - you can have one of my special hugs tonight (sometimes they convey more than words can anyway)!!

(((H)))

Love Piglet

[Quirky]

Hope you feel better today mate

Lisa x

[happyone]

Thanks folks,
I had a serious blub time last night. Ended up phoning my mum in a state which I feel bad about as I hate upsetting her.

I have come to conclusion if I am still as bad as this after the weekend, I am going to phone shrink and see if I can get my appt brought forward. I know it will probably mean a med change but I can't go on like this.

I had a night full of bad dreams, waking and panicking. I got up through the night and seriously thought about phoning the crises line for them to hopefully dissuade me from getting in the car and driving off.

Today I just feel that horrible hollow way. I watch the news and it makes me cry again. I know you said you limit your watching piglet, but I have to see if they have found that little girl. Then I feel bad for concentrating so much of my care and worry on one person when there are so many people out there hurting and suffering. I know there is much joy in the world and I genuinely believe there is more good than bad but the bad is sometimes just so bad and it seems so unfair that people have to hurt so much and there is wimps like me who cry because her bloody chemical enhancements are not working. I would hate me if I met me.

I try try try to tell myself it is all a chemical imbalance but I don't believe it. It is because I am a self centred so and so.

I just want to write a letter of resignation and know I never have to return to my work, but that will bring serious finacial problems. I am not exaggerating, I mean lose the house type thing.

Sorry. Just vented a whole lot of pants. I just wanted to to say thanks for replies

I had better get kids ready for school and nursery.

Lou, I sent you a pm. I will text you when I have money in my phone. I am going to see about getting a phone on contract hopefully.

happyone
xx

[Piglet]

It is because I am a self centred so and so.

Seriously not true hun!!!

Love Piglet

[Karen]

Aww Happyone. I am so sorry things are so tough for you again. Remember the better times you've had and that you can experience again.

Thinking of you.

Karen xx

[Quirky]

Hi mate

You are not a self centred so and so You're a kind caring person.

Don't worry about your Mum, I do understand as I phoned my step Mum in a bit of a state last night too but hey we all need others for support sometimes so it's ok.

I can understand about work mate. Do you think finding another job and then resigning once you have a new job would help in any way? That way maybe you could find a job you like, with less pressure and working regular hours. Just a thought.

Really proud of you for deciding to try and see the shrink earlier if necessary, well done

Take care, things will feel better again,

Lisa x

[happyone]

Lisa,

I would love to find another job but no-one is going to take me on with my present sickness record.

I am also quite well paid in my job, working for the council has some benefits as I get paid a good bit more than I would in the private or charitable sector. I couldn't do what I do for the private or charitable sector as conditions for service users are just not as good and that would get to me big style. in fact, the standards were droppng in my place of work which is a lot of why the stress got to me. I have always prided myself on the fact that I worked for a service that was second to none and our service users got the best of care. It is changing like the NHS though and it is all heads on beds and to hang with what peoples individual needs are. I have good working conditions, anyone else would have paid me off ages ago. To earn what I do just now, I would need to work full time in the private or charitable sector and possibly in a managerial role which I just can't cope with.

Apart from all that, this is what I am qualified to do. I could possibly move sideways but only once I have put my sickness record behind me.

Part of me is hoping that at my occ health interview they decide I am not fit to return and I have to be redeployed. That will mean a drop in wages but it will still be in local government. I just don't feel able to be a support to people any more. (Not on here, in work, on demand)


karen, thanks. I find it hard to see that there will be good times again. I'm sure there will be but I just can't see them just now.
happyone
xx

[Quirky]

Hi mate,

I understand what you're saying about your job, tricky isn't it. Have you ever thought of doing something totally different? Maybe that's a thought but it sounds like you enjoy what you do and I can understand you wanting to stay in that field of work etc.

It was hard for me when I had to give up working as a scientist and take a lesser paid job doing something else so I do understand the problems.

I don't think your sickness record would necessarily be a problem, I've had two jobs since having ME, all knew I had it and have had alot of time off etc, some employers are ok with it, in fact some people wouldn't even tell a new employer.

Anyway see how Tuesday goes first mate, if you're honest with them they may not say you can work yet or as you say may suggest redeployment. Maybe you could even say you want that as don't feel you can manage your current role etc, although I have no idea how these things work - I suspect I may be finding out soon if my sickness goes on much longer though! I just dream of being offered lots of money to leave like I was in my last scientific post lol. No actually I dream of feeling well enough to go in as I miss and love work.

Take care,

Lisa x