Losing hope for a life...

[Chrysmar09]

I dont know what to do anymore. Between the physical symtoms of anxiety and being mentally tired from thinking Im becoming schziophrenic im at the end of my rope. My mother said im acting like my aunt who was schizophrenic because im usually in thier spare room online or watching tv laying in bed. It hurts and scares me. People notice something is wrong. Im 33 and not living because im always waiting to finally lose my mind. I dont know what is normal thinking or what should be alarming. I have no job because of my anxiety and cant move out. I have no real friends nor do I have any dating life. Im in therapy and seeing a counselor and after I see them im doing better but then I go back to my parents house and ill have a strange thought or symptom and think "this is it im going crazy".

I have a daughter and im ashamed of who she is seeing. She knows I have anxiety and im afraid I am setting her up to be just like me. I want to be better... I want to be myself again. Im so scared this will be the rest of my life. I just want to give up and lay in the bed until the end comes. How do I feel normal again? How can I have hope when each day I think what if im really schizophrenic? What if my brain is ruined?

Im at a low point and not sure how to get out anymore

[snowghost57]

I don't think your brain is ruined. You need another therapist. It happens sometimes that you don't find the right one at first. You need to get out of bed, your head and back into life. You have a daughter that needs you. Anxiety is fear, you're absolutely correct. You must challenge these thoughts! Do they have any value? Are they preventing you from living in the now? You can get through this, its up to you!

[Chrysmar09]

My therapist and counselor have all told me im not schizophrenic but then ill think something or something will happen and I wont know if its intrusive thoughts or mind chatter depersonalization GAD or something worse.

I am willing to try anything at this point to get the thoughts to stop. Im not sure what to do.

[AntsyVee]

You know, and I know, you have OCD. You also have depression, from the looks of this last post and the lack of motivation.

Step #1: Get back into your prescriber's office and talk about meds.
Step #2: Get some self-help books to help you keep working on your therapy when you're not in session. I told you about Brain Lock. Another that I use is the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne.
Step #3: Get out of the house. When you feel the urge to sit in front of the computer researching crap about schizophrenia, go out for a walk. Or go play a board game with your kiddo. Or write in a journal. Anything to keep yourself out of the anxiety loop.
Step #4: Put up motivational signs. Remember, you're only in competition with yourself. Set small goals for yourself to accomplish each day. Even if you spend only 15 minutes less on the computer today than you did yesterday, that's still an accomplishment. The better you start feeling about yourself, the easier it will be to pull yourself out of the depression.

[Chrysmar09]

Thank you antsyvee I never thought about my depression in all of this. I am going to talk to my dr about getting on some type of AD. I took my klonopin today which calmed me down but not much. I dont know if klonopin is for depression so I am hoping it doesnt make my depression worse. I am hoping that if I take klonopin regularly it will help to calm down my nervous system and I hope all this worry hasnt messed it up.

I got up and talk to my sister and im going to try and get some early sleep tonight. Im just tired of all of this

[AntsyVee]

Klonopin won't make depression worse, but it is a tranquilizer, so it will make you more sleepy...and many of us just want to lie around and sleep when we're depressed. So it may not help with the motivation much.

Anxiety and depression are the flipside of the same coin, so when most people are anxious for so long that it affects their quality of life, they usually get depressed.

[Chrysmar09]

I see it now... its a vicious cycle. Plus im on my cycle (TMI) and I have endometriosis and extremely bad cramps so im in pain plus anxious plus feeling like my life is over.... sigh... i will give anything to feel like my old self