Explaining "it's just anxiety" to other people (especially my dad)

[pigsmightfly]

Hi. So I struggle with LOTS of symptoms. They all seem to be 'nervous system related'. All the tests came back normal, so "it's just anxiety". Some symptoms are mildly bothersome, others I find more debilitating and really get me down sometimes. The symptoms are there everyday, and as time has gone on I seem to keep adding more to the list. Even though "it's just anxiety" there are days when I can't help thinking that there must be more going on here. But mainly I soldier on. I don't panic. I don't freak out. I do my best to remain calm and rational and as 'normal' as I can be under the circumstances. After all, "it's just anxiety", right? Sure, I find it hard. Who wouldn't? Putting up with chronic fatigue, heart palpitations, IBS, insomnia, profuse sweating, aching muscles, swollen hands and feet etc. It really gets on your wick. But as my dad says, "there is nothing really wrong with you, it's just anxiety".

I resent the implication in the phrase "it's just anxiety" that (i) it's less debilitating than a 'real' illness; and (ii) I can simply and easily 'think my symptoms away'. In other words, it is all my fault that I am suffering like this, because it must be a product of my excessive worry and faulty thinking. When all I am doing each day is trying to be 'normal' and do normal everyday things.

What I really need from you guys, is a way of explaining to my dad (and others) that anxiety is more than just me worrying a lot about my health. To me it feels like a 'physical state', perhaps even a 'dysfunction of the nervous system', that is quite simply beyond my ability to control. It may not be pathological, there may not be any underlying disease as such, but it sure as hell seems out of my control. But I just can't find a way of explaining this to folk without being tripped up by the very name of the condition - Anxiety. In other people's minds this translates as worry, stress, anxiousness i.e. stop worrying, take a chill pill and cheer up Charlie. If it was that simple I would be better by now.

Has anybody found a way of communicating the concept of anxiety that really helps to convey the bio-physiological aspects and dispels the myth that all I need to do is stop worrying. After all, "it's just anxiety."

[Anne1989]

Hi,

I totally know what you are going through, and no I haven't found a good way. I am currently going through an ALS fear that is consuming me, and my mom, as wonderful and loving as she is seems about done with me. The thing about health anxiety is it does worry those who love us, like my mom and your dad.

He is saying things to you like "there is nothing wrong with you" because he thinks you can snap out of it, and be the son he knows and loves that doesn't suffer or have these fears. They just don't want us to suffer anymore, or be sad or worried and they think we can control it.

The best thing I can say is what you already mentioned in your post, explain its uncontrollable, and while you really want to get better and are trying, it isn't overnight.

I really hope you feel better soon, and I'm sorry you are going through this I know its heartbreaking.

[Hollow]

Hi

I know exactly where you're coming from mate, im suffering a lot of symptoms you are. I also think my nervous system is screwed and i don't know how or if it can be fixed at all. My dad is the same he says it's all in my head and that it's up to me to fix it. I don't think you can explain this to anyone who isn't going through the same thing.

[pigsmightfly]

Hi Hollow. Sounds like we are in the same boat. When did your symptoms kick off? Any particular trigger?

[Fishmanpa]

Wow.... I can actually answer this from personal experience as the father of a daughter with depression and anxiety.

When my daughter was around 18, she came to me to tell me how she was feeling. Her mother and I had been divorced for over a decade but I knew the possibility that my daughter would have mental illness from her Mom who suffered from SDD. We have a cordial relationship made sure she got the help she needed.

So how do you approach your Dad? Flat out honesty truly is the best way. I have a feeling, even if you're not close with him, he'll understand a lot more than you might give him credit for. Explain it as you did here, in detail. Tell him you need help and ask him to help you. I have a feeling that again, how supportive you might find him to be.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

PS... She'll be 24 next week and her and my father are coming to visit this weekend She worked hard, went through a several month med adjustment and graduated college the end of last year and recently got a dream job in her field (early Childhood Education) and is doing great!

[AntsyVee]

I really like this article. (It does contain bad language).

https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/screw-you-but-thank-you?utm_term=.ajWrrQWV7#.kh3eeWKro

[Hollow]

Hi Hollow. Sounds like we are in the same boat. When did your symptoms kick off? Any particular trigger?

No particular triggers as far as i know just came out of the blue while i was at work.

[floridagirl1984]

sadly i'm in the same boat, its just a terrible feeling when you can find the words to explain to someone how anxiety feels like. The best that i can describe it to someone which i still don't think they get it is that my mind feels like its been taken hostage and tortured for a brief while with thought of fear and imminent death, and if it were easy to just get over it, i would have been done a long time ago but we are not all wired the same way.