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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    1,087

    Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    I'm getting married to my partner of almost nine years tomorrow and I am very excited and sure of my decision, I am still terrified about tomorrow, especially saying my vows in front of everyone and worried about possible people gatecrashing and things like that. My OCD has flared up badly for the last month and now we're so close to the actual day, my GAD and panic attacks are horrendous. I have constant palpitations, I feel dizzy and spacey all the time, can't sleep, can't eat etc.

    How did you deal with anxiety on your wedding day? I've read that a weird calmness falls over you on the day, I sure hope that is true!
    __________________
    C-PTSD (Complex Trauma), OCD, Panic Disorder, GAD



    "Save your sympathy for someone else. I don't need it or want it. What you call a panic attack is merely a few normal chemicals that are temporarily out of place in my brain. It is of no significance whatsoever to me!"

    "Recovery always lies ahead - however painful the moment"

    "Recovery lies in the places and experiences you avoid"

    Dr Claire Weekes.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    601

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    when my sisters got married it was my DAD who took a benzo to help him through, my sisters were fine. You will be nervous Jesus its your big day your happiness will see you through

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    932

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    Hi,
    congratulations first off! I found that on our wedding day I was no more anxious that what I'd already experienced anyway so I just used to CBT techniques I'd learned in therapy for my general anxiety. It helped to be able to say 'I've been through this before lots of times'
    Hope you have an amazing day
    XX

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    1,148

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    I got married in 2015 and had a panic attack on way to registry office lol.
    Have wine.
    Wine helps

    x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    3,116

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    I wish you all the best GingerFish on your wedding day. Deep breaths!!!!!
    __________________
    Magic

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    601

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    Quote Originally Posted by Pepperpot View Post
    I got married in 2015 and had a panic attack on way to registry office lol.
    Have wine.
    Wine helps

    x
    HOW many bottles

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    524

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    Quote Originally Posted by braindead View Post
    HOW many bottles
    A Case of Red.
    Enjoy your dayI don't remember my wedding,drank too much champers and tequila,I am glad I did.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    126

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    First of all, congratulations!

    I have been both a groom, a best man, and someone in a wedding party within about a year, the first two being last year in 2016 in itself. With my anxiety being quite high, it was difficult, but I made it through. I think some of my tips may be beneficial, even if they are from the perspective of a best man (which was actually more anxiety inducing than being a groom).

    As a groom I was quite fine until the day of. Suddenly anxiety struck me quite hard. I didn't mind the idea of being a groom or getting married - it is a happy day! But I was anxious about being in front of people, saying vows, etc. Probably the stuff that you're anxious about. I thought that maybe I'd drop the ring, stumble over my words or pass out lol. I had a couple of beers at home before the limo grabbed us with my guys and then had a shot with the priest and wedding party before the ceremony. I was told by the priest (I told him I was nervous and dealing with anxiety, which he was understanding of) to not worry. It's mostly about the bride... so all eyes are on her. I am not sure which of the two that you are, but even as a bride just keep your eye on the prize - your significant other.

    I recall standing in front of 100+ people with my best man. When my bride got up there it's just tunnel vision, my friend. Focus on them and pretend it's you, them, the priest and your wedding party, at most. Even the wedding party can be kept out of mind since they don't do much except deal with the rings.

    When it comes to vows, we didn't make our own (her decision). The priest had us repeat after him, which I did better than I thought I would. This isn't a Presidential speech, it's your wedding, so slipping up isn't a huge deal. Everyone is nervous. If doing your own vows, there is absolutely zero shame in writing them down on an index card! It's better than blanking out, in my opinion.

    When all is said and done, you get back to the cocktail hour and enjoy yourself! Have some wine, a beer, whatever. By that time people are congratulating you and it's more one on one with guests, so there's minimal, if any, anxiety.

    As a best man my anxiety was much, much worse. I hate giving speeches, so imagine a person with copious anxiety being asked to be a best man and then being told eventually that there will be like 200+ people in attendance. I was freaking out for months prior. I worked on my speech for weeks (a bit at a time) and had it all typed out - there was no way I was doing this from my heart. I am a better writer than a speaker by far.

    The night before we stayed at a hotel and I could NOT sleep. I remember tossing and turning in the bed for hours on end. I got literally zero sleep and felt sick to my stomach the morning of.

    During pictures I was ok... I mean, it was a small amount of people just on the green (at a gold course). It was only the photographers and the wedding party and parents.

    Prior to the ceremony the groom, priest and I were all talking about how nervous we were. The priest was a cousin, so it was one of his first weddings he had ever conducted. The groom was nervous because, well... he's the groom. I was nervous because my generalized anxiety and I was scared of dropping the rings. I remember standing at the front of like 100+ people who were there for the ceremony and being lightheaded.

    Afterwards I started drinking quite heavily to kill the anxiety, but overall the anxiety won. It still resonated within my mind and body heavily to the point my nausea was incredibly intense. I could barely eat any of the very good tasting, delicious food they had spread out. I remember the MC coming to me and stating what we'd do during cocktail hour. The sent me into a tailspin because then I knew the plans moving forward.

    I remember getting up when the Maid of Honor and I were called up. I was to go first and I was so nervous. I don't think I've ever used a microphone before, so I was unsure where to hold it. I think I did OK with that. I took out my paper and read off of it. I remember basically speed reading the first 1/3-1/2 to the point I had a friend yell out to slow down. I don't know why, but after that it was like... this isn't a big deal. It's not a debate or a Presidential speech or anything. Nothing huge rode on this in my life. If I slipped up it wasn't a big deal. So I read the rest of it and told a story about him and I. I had left envelopes on each table prior with a photograph inside and told people to open it at the end of the story, as it had a funny picture of him and I inside of it. I got a lot of laughs, which helped me.

    Sadly, the anxiety lasted afterwards for some time afterwards. I felt relieved as Hell, but anxiety must have drawn the blood away from my stomach, so eating wasn't pleasant. I still couldn't eat much overall, but was able to relax a bit more. I was so tired afterwards (it was a morning wedding), so I ended up wanting to sleep afterwards.

    Overall, you'll be fine. It's one day and it is a great day. Keep your eyes on the prize, enjoy the experience, take a lot of pictures, eat good food, drink some booze, make some memories, etc.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    20,882

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    Just a note to say congratulations. I hope your day is as special as you ever dreamed it could be!

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    24,040

    Re: Getting married tomorrow and my anxiety and PA's are through the roof

    Congratulations!!! Now we can call you Mrs Gingerfish!!!

    This is definately one of those occasions where anxiety is normal but adding to what anyone could be feeling so it's out of proportion but it's often the anticipation that's the worst!

    I hope to see an update saying you had a great day. You've mentioned your father in law (I think) being ill in recent years and how close you were so I bet he is very proud of you too! I hope I've remember that correctly!)

    Have a great honeymoon...palps & breathing issues are an expectation...
    __________________
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    For free Mindfulness resources, please see this thread I have created to compile many sources together http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=168689

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