I just need someone.. anyone to speak to... please :(

[Cantstanditanymore]

I've just returned home from yet another failed shopping trip due to anxiety. I had a fairly good day yesterday, so today decided to be brave and attempt the weekly shop.. half way in.. the very familiar wave of anxiety washed over me, I was shaking, holding back the tears feeling like I was about to vomit. All the techniques I try to use, failed.. I got out as quickly as I could and drove home with tears rolling down my face. I'm now sat at home where everything seems so loud and is irritating me.. I feel like I'm going mad... I don't know what i'm looking for here.. just someone that understands what I'm going through maybe??

[Candyknitter]

I'm sorry you had a bad day, it does happen and it sucks. You will also have good days, so just keep reminding yourself of that and don't beat yourself up over it. For now just have a hot drink and "lose" yourself in something on tv or a book. It will get better *hugs*

[Catherine S]

Hello, this is exactly how agoraphobia can get a grip. Your fear eventually stops you from doing things like this until you no longer leave the house. You say 'yet again' which means you've been through this before, many times or just a few times you don't say, but let me tell you that you should be proud of yourself for at least trying to get through your shopping trip.

Once you retreat to your safe place..your home...the panic subsides as it always will and everything seeming too loud is just your nervous system coming down from the panic attack...the flight or fight effect results in all your senses being on high alert. What did you fear in the supermarket? That the panic would overwhelm you and you'd collapse and make a fool of yourself in front of strangers? That is actually very rare to be honest.

When I was at my worst with panic attacks many years ago, my therapist came with me to places like the supermarket and shopping centres etc, and instead of running outside again she told me to go and sit in a toilet cubicle where nobody could see me and let the tears flow if they must in private, or find a bench outside and sit with her until the feeling started to pass, then go back inside and give it another try. If it happened again so what? People would be too busy to notice me in and out of the place anyway.

As time went on my therapist stayed near but not with me, sometimes waiting outside the shop. I had to tell myself that nothing bad was going to happen to me because I always calmed down once outside or at home. Bad things do happen out there in life, but we have to learn to let go of the fear that something could happen to us while we're out there too.

I wasted so many years in an fog of anxiety and i'm not saying I'm not careful or mindful in certain situations...we all have our fears which is natural. Are you getting any help with this at all? I was lucky with my therapist because she was actually a community psychiatric nurse and did home visits so was able to help me from there which was great, but this was in the 1980s and alot has changed since then with mental health care.

x

[Cantstanditanymore]

Thank you so much for your replies.. I've suffered with this for 5 and a half years.. some days I can hold it together.. though I usually just go to places when I know it will be quieter. I have tried to get help a few times before but I always backed out because I would think I could conquer it myself or it would just go away. I have just gone up to 45mg dose of mirtazapine last week, so perhaps that's not helping matters. I am now on the list for CBT, the first session unfortunately is a group one(not great given my mindset at the moment) but If I can sit by a door and just bear with it, all sessions after that are one to one.
The panic that comes over me is a bit of an odd one... I get scared that I'm going to be sick.. I'm not scared of vomiting.. I'm scared of the embarrassment of being sick in front of someone... so that in turn causes me to shake really bad.. sweat.. swallow loads.. get upset.. breath weird. It's difficult to explain to people too. I'm convinced people look at me like I'm an alcoholic or a drug addict.
It has taken over my life.. I have to make up excuses all the time to avoid most social situations.. i hate being like this so much :(
Thanks so much for your replies... I'm a bit calmer now x

[snowghost57]

Go to amazon and get this book by Robert Handy, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, he had agoraphobia too, it helped me. I read it til I had it memorized, the spine of the book is falling apart.