Mole change: scared to go to doctor. Scared not to.

[jaynespain3105]

Hi everyone. I have been worrying about a mole for over two weeks now. But because I thought (mainly think) it is all anxiety and their is nothing to worry about really I haven't been to see the doctor.

Later this week my husband is going away. And him being away always triggers my health anxiety terribly. The worry about this mole has become unmanageable for me today. And my quandary is should I go to the doctor now or not?

If he refers me to a derm. I will really panic and find it hard to cope when my husband is away. If I don't go I will be the same. If I go and he says it's nothing to worry about I think I will be able to let it go.

The mole in question is just over 4mm and the shape is normal. A few weeks ago I got some bites near where this mole is. Perhaps even one on it. And it became inflamed and formed a scab which I picked off and it bled. This has all healed now. No scab. But I am convinced the mole looks slightly red in the middle and is maybe a tiny bit different in shape.

Essentially I think most people would assume it was irritated by my bites and scratching and has now healed with a little redness remaining. But I keep having huge panics that it is melanoma. I have around 200 photos of this stupid mole on my phone.

Should I go to the doctor?

[daisyflower]

If it was my mole, I wouldn't. I have A LOT of moles and sometimes they swell up and get sore or get red etc and it doesn't actually worry me, probably because I have so many and it happens so frequently.

It sounds to me like deep down, you know it's because of the bites and this is all because of your husband leaving. My husband is also going away this week and I feel the same. Have you tried planning something (no matter how small) to look forward to every day that your husband is away? Even watching a new series might help.

How long is he away for? If I was you, I'd promise myself not to touch the mole for the whole time your husband is away. If it's worse when he comes back, then I'd go. I went once about a new mole that was sore and irritated and the dr said to not touch it and come back in 3 weeks. It was fine, by the way.

[NancyW]

Yes.

You deserve peace of mind.

[Gary A]

Cancerous moles don't heal, if scratched they bleed and will remain in quite a state. They may crust and scan but they will never improve in appearance.

Cancerous moles are also rarely smaller than 6mm in diameter. I would always encourage a visit to your doctor with any change in a mole, but I'd honestly be more tempted to speak to him about your anxiety.

Perhaps get it checked and mention your obsession with this mole while you're at it. I'd be very surprised if you were referred to a dermatologist for this.

[jaynespain3105]

Thank you all for your replies. My GP is very aware of my health anxiety, but isn't always the most helpful with it (he initially referred me to healthy minds but after they discharged me when I went through a very positive few months, and the anxiety got worse again, he wasn't keen to refer me again and when I said I had been paying for private CBT but could no longer afford it he suggested getting health insurance as I'd 'need CBT for a long time'. Not helpful as obviously private health cover rarely covers preexisting problems. Ugh.

I think I will put all my focus in to staying positive and take daisyflower's advice about waiting until he is back. He's away for 4 days. He's often away. I remember this time last year he was away for the same event and I was at the doctor convinced I had breast cancer because I'd bruised myself with constant self examination. I am an idiot sandwich.

I just need to keep myself busy. I think it's that when he's away I have too much time to think and pay attention to my anxious thoughts once I get my kids to bed.

Gary A thanks so much I know you're right. What I have looks nothing like any image of skin cancer anyway.

Time to focus on all my CBT exercises and find my chill.

[Fishmanpa]

I have around 200 photos of this stupid mole on my phone.

Husband: "Honey, send me those photos you took of the kids yesterday will ya? I want to send them to my parents."

Jaynespain: "Ummm... you mean the ones I deleted so I could save my mole pics?"

Positive thoughts

[jaynespain3105]

Haha Fishmanpa you actually made me laugh out loud. Thank you for the light relief (it's funny because it's true!)

It reminds me of how at one time a therapist had me keep a thought diary. One night I read it out loud to my hubby and by about the third entry I was crying with laughter. I sounded so so ridiculous. I was rolling around the floor laughing. But stilll that lingering part of my thought processes remains where it feels SO real.

[daisyflower]

You sound a little less anxious, that's good My husband is going away for 6 months with only the odd weekend home, at the same time as me having some weird health issues and awaiting scans. I'm terrified but I have 2 kids so have no choice but to plod on and stay busy by going out fun places every day and meeting friends.

If you have Netflix, I recommend something really happy, cheesy and easy to watch while he's away, in the evening. Jane the Virgin is my go-to for this

[CaliSurfGirl89]

I know this feeling oh too well, my husband was away a lot with the army, and now in his new job he is home once every month or so and my melanoma fear ALWAYS kicks in when he's gone, I notice weird marks or blemishes and I fa-reak the hell out, I did get over my anxiety, came back when I noticed a blemish on my lip, pushed it back, walked my dog today only to find I've caught the sun on my chest and face, it doesn't hurt, sting, nothing but my anxiety is through the roof cos I abused sunbeds when I was younger and I've had a few sunburns, none blistering just either pink or painful so I think I'm doomed to get it, I plan on paying to go see a deem once a year as I think it will give me peace of mind, chin up xx

[jaynespain3105]

It's always a strange mix of reassuring and sad to hear other people feel and worry about the same things.

I hope you both manage to get through he next periods with your husbands away in a positive frame of mind. I have 3 kids and they do keep me very occupied during their waking hours. But my OH is only away for a week to fortnight at a time max and only 4-5 times a year.

I am feeling more positive since Sunday night. Had a real blip on Monday morning when the original mole I was worrying about looked better but, having spent so many days reading about melanoma, I started worrying about another mole. Not new or changing but mildly atypical ... it has been looked at before and I was told it wasn't one to worry about as although it was two colours (shades of brown) and asymmetrical it is a normal 'pattern' for me with other moles (just a bit smaller) that look the same. I think the ugly ducking advice is good - look out for the ones that stand out significantly from the rest. It's stressful dealing with HA about skin cancer when you have many moles and the advice is to monitor them. That's where the yearly check ups come in I guess.

I also resolved to go and have a full body check with a derm once a year. I did it once and it was reassuring but didn't solve the HA problem for me as a specific mole I had been worrying about I was told was 'normal' but I couldn't let it go and ended up paying to have it removed and analysed (it was normal of course). I am torn about what's better for me in overcoming HA. In the US it seems to be more normal and straightforward to see a dermatologist and more common to have all moles professionally checked regularly. But with our U.K. System it's so expensive to do. And, although good for health and good for anyone who doesn't have health anxiety, I don't think it's always helpful for HA. For me it acted to continue the cycle (it is kind of reassurance seeking after all). So I haven't been back yet.

It's hard, really, as having 50+ moles, pale skin, atypical moles etc. I am in the high risk category for melanoma yet in the UK that doesn't equal any easily accessible service for keeping track of all the blemishes.

My thinking at the moment is that I might go for a yearly check up but book it in for once a year in the winter when I have never been anxious about skin cancer before. Rather than going for one now when I am struggling to break the cycle of obsessing over moles. In the meantime I will see my GP if I can't get a grip on the worry. But I will talk first about my anxiety again and then see if he can look at my skin.