Anxiety from Living Abroad

[greenbeane]

Hey all,

I’ve been suffering from some severe anxiety, mostly health related, and really need feedback. I’m a 25 year old female, and I’ve been living in Japan for almost 1 year. I moved here at the end of July last year, and my first 5 months were wonderful—I liked my job, liked visiting new places, and felt 100% fine. But then, the day before Christmas Eve (yes, I remember EXACTLY when it started), I started getting mild chest pains on the left side of my chest. In hindsight, they didn’t feel deep, but I was worried nonetheless given the number of important body parts in your chest. I had been getting the pains before I rather foolishly continued with a Christmas trip I had already planned to Sapporo, on the opposite side of Japan from where I live, and ended up going to the ER in Sapporo because I was so concerned about the pains. I had an EKG, ultrasound, x-ray, and CT scan with contrast dye and they didn’t find anything wrong with me, so they basically said, “Ok, goodbye, have a nice day, go home now.” I went home early and was rather bummed out about it. I got a second opinion from a doctor in Kobe who essentially said the same thing.

Skip to several weeks later. Still getting chest pains. After a while, the chest pains were replaced with crippling headaches that felt like an icepick going through my skull. Then after a few more weeks I got the headaches AND the chest pains. Saw the doctor again and he wouldn’t even look at me and said it was “just anxiety,” and to not worry. Then they got a little better.

Skip to March. I ended up being hospitalized for a gallbladder attack while in Japan, then returned to the US to have my gallbladder taken out since I don’t speak Japanese too well and wasn’t comfortable being operated on here. I was really happy to be home, even for a little while. I saw a neurologist for my headaches while I was there who recommended I take magnesium for the headaches. My surgeon didn’t care about the chest pains because they weren’t related to my gallbladder. I didn’t have the chest pains for the first three weeks or so I was at home but I think that was because I was heavily doped up on narcotic pain medication. I started getting them the last week of being home before I had to return to Japan, and I was really anxious about the flight because I hate flying.

I started seeing a therapist in May when I returned, and I thought I was finally getting myself in a positive mindset. I was not in great shape until the end of June, but then started feeling a little better. But then two of my cats back home died within a two day span and I got super sad and everything got so much worse. The right side of my chest hurts very deeply and intensely every so often, usually when I’m doing absolutely nothing. My right shoulder and clavicle hurt when I didn’t do anything to them. My back hurts to such an extent that I can’t get comfortable no matter how much yoga I do, no matter how much hot water I sit in, or no matter how I sit or stand. The headaches are coming back. I constantly feel like I am hyper-aware of my heart like I am going to have a heart attack or something, but I’ve been to two more doctors recently who have also said that my blood work is fine and my heart seems fine.

I’m really just at a loss. Has anyone else lived abroad and experienced anything like this? I’ve asked friends and family members telling me everything from “come home we’re concerned,” to “You’re being selfish because your anxiety is making you ignore us, if you want to go home you’re just being weak.”

But, it really is to the point where I have no idea what to do. I just signed a new contract for my job so the timing sucks, but I just don’t know if I can live abroad for another year while suffering these symptoms and not having a good support network (my closest “friends” here were the ones who called me selfish and weak :/ )

Any advice?

[Ryan994]

Hi greenbeane,

Although I don't know how well I can relate to this, but I have found that, just by having someone who understands and have experienced anxiety acknowledging how you're feeling is already a huge help. I have experienced first hand how helpful the support, provided by people on this site, is. There are always people online who can help you.

Although I have never lived abroad before, but I have experienced those Ice pick headaches, which I was convinced was due to stress because I only had them during stressful periods.

You have already said that you have visited multiple doctors who have told you that your symptoms are due to anxiety. These guys are professionals, so you can take heart that you dont have any major health problems.

Lastly don't listen to those who refuse to even acknowledge your anxiety, they may not understand it and may not even try to understand it. Many of the members on this site have been in similar positions before and can understand how your're feeling more than those around you. We are all here to support you.

Hope this helps

[Montyzoo]

High Greenbeane

you have lots of classic symptoms of anxiety and I feel quite sure that you are perfectly healthy.

Chest pains are a common anxiety symptom, along with palpitations, irregular heart beat and fast pulse. I've had all of these and like you I've had tests which concluded there's nothing physically wrong.

Same with headaches. My headaches are what i call tension headaches. It feels like my head is being squeezed in a vice. Again, classic anxiety. Some people even get migraines from stress. You're perfectly normal!

My 11 month old cat Harley got run over around 4 years ago so I know how that feels. Like being hit by a bus. I was devastated and it still brings a tear to my eye as I think about it. I subsequently went through several months of back trouble which again is classic anxiety. My basic understanding is that anxiety creates muscle tension and your back, neck and ribs are covered in muscles which can seize up due to tension. At my worst, a seized muscle in my shoulder blade causes referred pain in my neck and I can't move my neck at all! All kinds of aches and pains from head to toe are all classic anxiety symptoms.

The trouble for people like us is that we have a powerful awareness of how our body feels and if something doesn't feel right, we have an overwhelming urge to focus on it. Again, like you, I had years of being hyper aware of my heart beat. I was afraid to exercise because I thought I was going to have a heart attack! You've had lots of tests which show you're fine. I am sure it's just anxiety like with me.

You are NOT WEAK! Quite the opposite, you are brave. Nobody really knows why some people are more prone to anxiety. Personality? Childhood experiences? DNA? At the end of the day it's who you are and you should never be ashamed of who you are. Dealing with anxiety on a daily basis requires courage and conviction and you sound like you have these qualities in abundance. Never give up! People who have never experienced anxiety or depression are incapable of understanding the battle you face daily.

Even the living abroad part I can identify with as I lived abroad for a year when I was 20. Living abroad you are away from your support system - friends, family.

It sounds like generally you lack the support and understanding you need, not only from friends and family, but also from doctors. Unfortunately there are still many doctors who are old school and simply don't know how to deal with patients suffering with anxiety and depression. Many are unsympathetic and unhelpful. I am fortunate enough to have a doctor that is very understanding who always takes the time to ask me how I'm feeling and what has been going on in my life.

Hearing a doctor say "it's just anxiety" is good in a way. But JUST anxiety?? Anxiety is a real thing. A legitimate problem which needs to be managed daily. I don't think you mentioned being prescribed any medication for your anxiety. I strongly recommend you find a doctor with experience in anxiety and depression and discuss treatment options including drugs and cognitive behavioural therapy. It sounds like you are at the beginning of your journey and have lots to learn. I'm a 45 year old guy and honestly there are so many parallels between you and me at 25. I still struggle with generalised anxiety disorder but I have learned to control panic attacks and faced my fear of heart attacks by engaging in regular physical exercise.

I've only been on this site for 3 or 4 days so I'm not sure how it all works but if you have any questions I'd be happy to talk. If not, I hope this message is helpful to you and wish you the best of luck.