Trying it for the 2nd time

[sheslostcontrol]

Hello.

So I have decided to give a citalopram-based AD another try, after taking it only once a month ago, suffering a bad panic attack and deciding it probably wasn't worth it.

Anyway, my anxiety has been on and off since then, but got much worse about a week ago when I started obsessively worrying about schizophrenia and started getting intrusive thoughts about harming others or myself, especially about hearing voices that'd tell me to hurt other people (I despise violence and have never been aggressive in my life, let alone violent, also I don't actually hear voices or anything).

So I took half of the 10 mg pill alongside with a benzo to help with the side effects. I've been feeling quite 'flat' since I took it, also on the edge and a bit more paranoid (?), I don't know, my intrusive thoughts are much worse, especially since I read that SSRI's can contribute to violent behaviour in young people (I am 19). The fact that I don't feel the need to perform my mental compulsions or I don't start gagging and choking at the idea of me hurting people or at the worry of having hallucinations makes me feel extremely distressed. I'm also finding it difficult to get out of bed and do something, I'm just lying here and tapping on my phone.

Anyone experienced anything similar as their side-effects? Has it gone away? Have any of you actually become violent or more aggressive or angry while taking cit or any other SSRI?

Have a nice day.

[panic_down_under]

So I took half of the 10 mg pill alongside with a benzo to help with the side effects. I've been feeling quite 'flat' since I took it, also on the edge and a bit more paranoid (?),

I suspect the "flat" feeling is mostly from the benzodiazepine and most of the rest is an anxious mind catastrophizing.

I don't know, my intrusive thoughts are much worse, especially since I read that SSRI's can contribute to violent behaviour in young people (I am 19).

Violence is very rare. I suggest you avoid reading about these meds as much of the information online is nonsense and won't help recovery.

The fact that I don't feel the need to perform my mental compulsions or I don't start gagging and choking at the idea of me hurting people or at the worry of having hallucinations makes me feel extremely distressed.

I'm also finding it difficult to get out of bed and do something, I'm just lying here and tapping on my phone.

All of which is probably more from the benzodiazepine than the tiny citalopram dose.

[sheslostcontrol]

I suspect the "flat" feeling is mostly from the benzodiazepine and most of the rest is an anxious mind catastrophizing.



Violence is very rare. I suggest you avoid reading about these meds as much of the information online is nonsense and won't help recovery.



All of which is probably more from the benzodiazepine than the tiny citalopram dose.

Thank you very much for your reply. I was trying not to do any reading, but... that's difficult.

Since you seem to know a lot about the medication subject, I figured I'd ask if one of the side effects could also be a vision change, distortion or something like that? Like when I go from darker to brighter environment, there are lots of floaters (did not use to happen before). Also when I perceive something in my peripheral vision, my mind seems to put different meaning to it, like right now I'm being surrounded by flies, so now that I see something on my t-shirt, I think it's a fly, when it's just dirt etc. I guess it could be just an anxious mind playing tricks (my current obsession not helping at all). I will too sometimes see white particles in my peripheral vision.

Thank you for your response.

Hope you're having a nice day.

[panic_down_under]

I figured I'd ask if one of the side effects could also be a vision change, distortion or something like that?

All antidepressants may affect vision, especially at the beginning, mostly by dilating the pupils. But anxiety can also play a part. Most of what we see is manufactured in the brain, not direct data from the eyes because the nerve bundles have only limited bandwidth. This can allow the mind to influence what we 'see'.

Like when I go from darker to brighter environment, there are lots of floaters (did not use to happen before).

Floaters are very common, but mostly go unnoticed because the brain filters them out. We usually only become aware of them when they come to our attention for some reason and anxious minds seem to often latch onto them during stressful times.

I guess it could be just an anxious mind playing tricks (my current obsession not helping at all).

Yes, unfortunately. While I don't think the small dose you took is actually having much of an effect, as it increases you may, and I stress may as not all are affected, begin experiencing drug driven side-effects. These can sometimes be unpleasant and scary, but they are rarely indicators of harm, or meaningful. The best way of dealing with them is to treat the ones that can be diminished and to just accept the ones that can't be, which is very easy to say, and very difficult to do, but most get through it unscathed and the results are usually worth it.

Hope you're having a nice day.

You too, take care.

[sheslostcontrol]

All antidepressants may affect vision, especially at the beginning, mostly by dilating the pupils. But anxiety can also play a part. Most of what we see is manufactured in the brain, not direct data from the eyes because the nerve bundles have only limited bandwidth. This can allow the mind to influence what we 'see'.



Floaters are very common, but mostly go unnoticed because the brain filters them out. We usually only become aware of them when they come to our attention for some reason and anxious minds seem to often latch onto them during stressful times.



Yes, unfortunately. While I don't think the small dose you took is actually having much of an effect, as it increases you may, and I stress may as not all are affected, begin experiencing drug driven side-effects. These can sometimes be unpleasant and scary, but they are rarely indicators of harm, or meaningful. The best way of dealing with them is to treat the ones that can be diminished and to just accept the ones that can't be, which is very easy to say, and very difficult to do, but most get through it unscathed and the results are usually worth it.



You too, take care.

Thank you and just one last question (I promise!):

Is it possible to feel that things are moving out of the corner of my eye? Like there is something, a toy, for example, and I will feel it has moved when it hasn't? Also I will occasionally feel as if something were touching me lightly, but nothing is.

Also, the floaters/spots have increased in intensity, but they are not unbearable. This moving thing scares me a lot, though.

Thank you again!

Have a nice day.