Worst Case Scenario Planning & Black & White Thinking

[Beach]

Hi All,

I am hoping someone can relate. I have a couple of issues which are OCD related, one is ruminating thoughts over and over relating to a past 'mistake' or guilt and another is planning for the worst case scenario even though it is not rational and probably will never happen.

I made a 'mistake' a few weeks ago whilst broken up with my partner and since getting back together I did not disclose the full truth and pushed some information onto him that he didn't want to know (rational sense tells me we were not together and the details are pointless). Since then, I've told him numerous times that I struggle with black/white and having a 'grey' area and not disclosing details - I feel like I have to disclose things to the nth degree. He has told me that he;s often thought about the detail but has decided that he does not want to know - perfect! But not for me...I beat myself up replaying the scenario and convincing myself that if he did know the details, he would want to know. It's not conceivable to me that he doesn't want to know so instead I have been going over the scenario again and again, and it's probably snowballed in my mind.

On top of the above, I have convinced myself that the detail or 'the truth' will come out eventually and I have pictured numerous (likely impossible) scenarios how this might come about. I plan for how he might react and I plan for how I might react. My mind does not look at the rational facts that a) we were apart b) he doesn't want to know c)he is a rational person. I project my 'black and white' thinking onto him and other people constantly.

As a result, this seemingly insignificant mistake has gained some traction in my mind and I am OBSESSED with going over it!

anyone relate?

[MyNameIsTerry]

That sounds like a confession compulsion to me. It's another way to seek reassurance.

I've known others with OCD have it and generally found it's common in ROCD themes. The others I knew also had partners saying the detail didn't matter, or they didn't want to know, yet the person felt compelled to tell them.

Even if you tell them, you will likely find you need to do so again because doubt about whether you did it completely will surface. That's where the reassurance seeking continues and keeps the obsession relevant & ongoing.

[Beach]

Thanks for your reply. I have a hard time knowing what is the "OCD" and what, actually is rational thinking and wanting to be honest. I don't know how a "normal" person thinks in this situation. It worries me that if he ever found out, he may think I'm using my inability to think straight as an excuse

[Bike Rider]

Been there with this one Beach, started 4 yrs ago and because I bottled it up I started the sleepless nights and the panic attacks.

My wife new something was wrong, but I saw and told my Doctor who diagnosed an obsessive compulsive, irrational thought type disorder and advised I had a word with my wife.

This I eventually did and everything Terry has said is quiet correct.

My advice, based on my experience, is to give it a week and if the thoughts have not started to recede, then sit him down and tell him everything, whether he wants to know or not as this can eat you up, as it has done to me. I am now re-living things I did 45 yrs ago as a teenager and having to "confess" to my wife whom I didnt even know existed then. Luckily, she regards it all as trivial silly stuff and not to worry, but I still do.

I fully believe if I had told her from day one, I would have been ok now.