So my best friend who I genuinely adore whom I have felt very distant from andi have had a chat about how I've been feeling as she clocked that I've not been my usual self lately. She was so understanding about it considering my mind makes no sense. I felt really good about it initially, like a weight had been lifted. Now I feel worse than I did before. The need to be more cooperative seems more intense and now I've said something, if it doesn't improve how do I move forward then... I still feel very tentative. Like if I open up then I'm fully invested in being her best friend again and I don't want to mix message her and..... etc I'm exhausted - never happy, never just ok with things....