I've had instability around me all my life. Beaten by mom who was herself suffering from severe anxiety and PMS .. it felt like I grew up with a stranger. I developed instincts to stay ahead of the game, I was an empath, I was pressured to use my gifts to protect myself from harmful people and protect others from harm.

I was either ahead of all or total failure. When she beat me for studying, I stopped studying. When she beat me to me to do good things I made sure not to give in. I couldn't support a monster mom. She lied to others that was doing good at school when I wasn't. I felt like a train wreck and insulted. I can't trust any single person till date. I'm a disaster.

As I turned 30 I was deeply mistreated and hurt by a man twice my age, I started having extreme throat ache and it's still continuing after several years. Soon I couldn't get myself to go out of the house and nothing has changed since then. I lost my dog last year and he was my last friend on earth.

I've had agoraphobia last 4 years. This year alone I've only stepped out 4 times of the house. But what the heck... does anyone care for me?


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